Hopeful Monsters

The other boy, who was like a large white dog, came and knelt by the boy who was like a faun. He said in English but with a German accent 'You are angry with me because of what I told you about your mother.'

The boy who had his back against the tree said 'I don't care a damn about you and my mother. What I am bored with is Faust. In fact I think you and my mother are quite like Faust.' Then he turned and looked at me.

I thought — Hullo, it is as if you remember me?

The boy said 'Oedipus is boring, Faust is boring, Mephistopheles is boring. And Nazis and Jews are boring. If we think them evil, we only encourage them. Nothing is going to change unless we think such things are boring.'

The boy who was like a dog said 'Come and have supper.'

The boy who was looking in my direction said 'Seen any good child-murders lately?'

The other boy said 'Be quiet, people will hear you.'

The boy who was looking at me said 'That is why I am speaking in English, lest people might understand and be saved.'

I thought I might say — I understand you.

The boy who was kneeling said 'You asked me to talk about your mother.'

The boy who was like a faun said 'What would be interesting would be a play about the people who are sitting and watching and

loving that sort of stuff. Then at the end they could go off, yes, happy, and blow themselves up.'

I thought I might say — But it would still be boring to have to watch them blowing themselves up.

Then you said to me 'Do you understand English?'

I said'Yes.'

After a time the boy who was like a dog stood up and went back to his /ire.

You were sitting with your back against that tree. There were millions of pine-needles on the ground like forks in pathways. I thought — We can pick them up; move them this way or that. After a time you looked away.

I said 'But it would still be boring to have to watch them blowing themselves up.'

You said'Yes.'

I said 'So what would you do?'

You said 'Something quite different, I suppose.'

You were staring in front of you as if you were expecting to be shot with your back against the tree.

I said 'What?'

You said 'I've thought it would be something to do with just what turns up.'

I said 'I've thought it would be to do with what you're talking about and what is happening, happening at the same time.'

You said 'But there would have to be some sort of code.'

I said 'Why?'

You said 'Because otherwise it would go away.'

I said 'But if you knew the code, you would know the message.'

You said 'We should know the message. We don't have a code.'

People from our two camps were calling us to come to supper. They were saying that there were only a few minutes before we would have to leave for the performance of the second part of the play.

I said 'Do you want to see the second part of FaustV

You said 'No.' Then — 'I think that what is happening now and what we are talking about is the same.'

I thought — Also there is indeed this that has turned up: we are sitting beneath these trees.

I said 'What is your name?'

You said 'Max.' Then — 'What is yours?'

I said 'Eleanor.'

You said 'Helena?'

I said 'Eleanor.'

You said 'This is absurd.'

The others were saying that they were setting off to see the play: we could join them later if we liked.

We seemed to sit for a long time in silence beneath our trees.

I said 'You mean, there is some pattern in what turns up?'

You said 'I have thought sometimes that it would be like being in the inside of a painting.'

I said 'Yes, this is absurd.'

You said 'Why?'

I said 'Because I have thought that it would be like — ' Then — 'But I suppose if I say it, it will go away.'

You said 'I see.'

It was as if we were on some plane that might at any moment tip over: if I moved towards you, you might go away; if you moved towards me, I might fall.

I said 'How old are you?'

You said 'Nearly eighteen.'

'I'm nineteen.'

'You are at a university?'

'Freiburg.'

'I am going to Cambridge next year.'

'What are you studying?'

'Biology or physics.'

'I am studying medicine.'

You said 'You see, this is almost unbearable, unless there is a code.'

I said 'Unbearable for ourselves?'

You said 'Oh, and for others!'

I thought — But, I mean, we have got some sort of code.

Then — We are like two people stuck on a rock-face connected by rope: cut the rope and one of us dies; don't cut the rope and both of us may die, or live.

I said 'Are you staying here long?'

You said 'We go tomorrow.'

I said 'Will you give me your address, so that I can write to you?'

You said 'Yes, and will you give me yours?'

I said 'I will put it on a piece of paper; then you can swallow it.'

You said 'Or you can put it down the lavatory. Or in a bottle to float on the sea.'

There was the faint sound of people acting, orating, further down the valley. I thought — You mean, other people might hurt us: we might hurt ourselves?

I said 'You know that image of Plato's about the two halves of something, that look for each other?'

You said 'Yes.'

I said 'That is too obvious — '

You said 'I can't think of anything better to say.'

There was the sound of clapping from further down in the valley. I thought — Perhaps it would be easier if one of us took a short walk. Perhaps it would be easier if we were in circumstances of danger.

I said 'What happens to Faust and Helena in Part II, do you know?'

You said 'They have a child.'

I said 'What happens to the child?'

You said 'It flies too close to the sun. It falls into the fire.'

I said 'I don't think I should have a child.'

You said 'You don't think you should have a child?'

I said 'Do you?'

After a time you said 'There are enough in the world.'

You seemed to have been listening to the sounds that were coming up from the valley.

I said 'But what is it that makes Faust finally say "Stop!"?'

You said 'I thought he never did. I thought he only said "If I were to say 'Stop!'-"'

I said 'I thought it was when he was reclaiming a new bit of land from the sea.'

You said 'Well perhaps we are reclaiming a new bit of land from the sea.'

I said 'I suppose what is interesting is what Faust said to those terrible beings when he got to heaven.'

You said 'Well what shall we tell them.' Then — 'I suppose we are in heaven.'

I said 'Sh!'

We began laughing.

You left your tree and crawled towards me. It was as if you were pulling yourself along by a rope. To preserve balance, it seemed, I had to stretch out towards you. When we met, it was as if we had to become enfolded.

You said 'It's like a line in a play — "I've got to go in the morning!"'

I said 'But we might just stick it out till then.*

It was as if we were on — not exactly a tightrope: rather a pole that was balancing the earth which itself was on a tightrope: we had moved to the centre of the pole and had to stay very still; to hold on tight, or the earth would tip over.

I said 'Are you comfortable?'

You said 'Yes, very.'