"It's true!" Faith Davenport was saying. "Rumors are flying up and down the street about it."
"A talking bear?" Remo Williams said in a skeptical voice. "Imagine that." He sat on the rug in the reception area of the newly rechristened Nostrum, Ink. He had come out to strike up a casual deskside conversation with Faith, but the lack of furniture made that difficult, so he sat down on the rug with her.
"They say he demolished Lippincott Mercantile Bank and frightened DeGoone Slickens' staff right into the street," Faith said, spooning peach yogurt into her delectable mouth. Remo watched every mouthful disappear, thinking he now preferred her pretty mouth to her uptilted nose. "They say he's a mass hallucination, but a lot of traders think he's a harbinger of a coming bear market."
"Makes sense," Remo said soberly. "A bear ushering in a bear market."
"Don't smirk, Remo," Faith said, shaking a plastic spoon at his nose. "The street is very superstitious. Something like this could make the traders even more jittery than they are. Besides, it really wasn't a talking bear. It was someone dressed in a bear suit. Called himself, of all things, Bear-Man."
"Is that so?" Remo said, his eyes narrowing. "You know, I'd like you to tell Chiun that."
"The chief, you mean."
"He lets me call him Chiun," Remo said, knowing it would impress Faith. He was having trouble impressing her, which was a rare experience for him. Usually Remo had to fight to keep women away. Most sensed his animal power and followed him around like puppy dogs. It intrigued him.
Remo was about to ask her if she was free for dinner when Chiun burst out into the hall.
"Remo!" Chiun squeaked excitedly. "Quickly! Bar the doors. We are under attack!"
"We are?" Remo said, jumping to his feet.
"One of my minions informs me that forces are massing to conquer us."
"What forces?"
"A conspiracy consisting of a cabal known as Looncraft, Dymstar d."
"The brokerage house?" Faith asked.
"You know these villains?" Chiun asked suddenly.
"I worked for them before I came here. I hated the place. Too stuffy. No one even knew my name."
"Then I hereby promote you to my aide-de-camp," Chiun announced.
"Aid-de . . . ?" Faith said, her yogurt forgotten.
"Your salary is hereby doubled. Now, come, we must plan a counterattack. Remo, see to the doors. Let no one enter who is not known to us."
"Hold the phone, Chiun," Remo said.
"You will address me as 'Chief,"' Chiun said huffily.
"That's not funny," Remo said sharply.
"It was not meant to be," Chiun returned. "These are perilous times. My precious Nostrum is under attack."
"If you'll listen to me a freaking second," Remo retorted, "maybe I can put this in perspective before you go completely off the deep end."
"What do you know about business matters?" Chiun asked skeptically.
"Enough to know that Looncraft Et Cetera isn't a secret cabal of plotters," Remo shot back. "They're an investment house. And they're not going to send in an army to loot and pillage. They're mounting a hostile takeover."
"Yes, that is what my hireling called it. The dastards!"
"A hostile takeover isn't what you think. They just make an offer to buy your company."
"I will not sell," Chiun said firmly.
"You may not have any choice in the matter," Faith put in.
"Right," Remo said. "You explain it to him, Faith. He'll listen to you."
"I am listening," Chiun said, tucking in his chin like a wizened old turtle facing danger.
"Well, chief, it's-"
"Call me 'Chiun,' " the Master of Sinanju said, throwing a smug look in Remo's direction.
Remo frowned.
Faith launched into her explanation. "The way a hostile takeover works is that the raiders-"
"Raiders!" Chiun squeaked.
"It's a business term," Remo said.
"Go on," Chiun said.
"The raiders make a public tender," Faith explained. "Say, Nostrum stock is selling for a hundred dollars a share."
"That was twenty minutes ago. I have since raised it to a hundred and ten."
"Okay, it's a hundred and ten a share. Well, the raider is saying he'll pay fifty dollars above that price to anyone who will sell to him."
"He will?" Chiun cried. "Then I will sell to him."
"Uh-uh," Faith said, shaking her head. "Better not. Because if he acquires enough outstanding stock, he can gain a controlling interest in the company. Don't you know that?"
"Chiun's new to this country," Remo explained.
"Silence!" Chiun said loudly. " I do not understand. I own Nostrum. How could persons who have bought my stock take control? It is merely paper."
"Try reading the certificates sometime," Remo inserted.
Faith added, "To own stock is to have an interest in a company. "
"Their interest I can accept," Chiun snapped back. "Let them regard my magnificent building with envious eyes from afar if they so wish."
" 'Interest' is a business term," Faith said firmly. "It means 'ownership.' They are buying shares in the company's ownership."
Chiun's wrinkles smoothed in his astonishment. "You mean when I have been selling my stock, I have been selling my company?"
"What's the problem?" Faith wondered. "You do retain controlling interest. How much stock do you own?"
"I do not know," Chiun admitted. "I have been selling it so quickly, unaware of its true value."
"Here we go," Remo said. "Congratulations. You're about to go down in corporate history as the CEO who sold his own company out from under him."
"Wrong!" Chiun said triumphantly. "I have the gold."
Remo turned to Faith. "Do you want to tell him or shall I?"
"What? What!" Chiun squeaked.
"That gold is the company's gold," Faith said gently. "It doesn't belong to you."
"But Nostrum is mine."
"It also belongs to the stockholders," Faith told him, "the ones who bought up your shares."
"Which will belong to Looncraft if he succeeds in a takeover bid," Remo added smugly.
Chiun took hold of the puffs of hair over his ears in exasperation.
"What madness is this!" he shrieked. "I have been tricked by that deceiver Smith!"
"Who is Smith?" Faith asked Remo.
"Minority stockholder," Remo said quickly. "Chiun took his advice. Always a big mistake."
"Oh." Faith touched Chiun's shoulder. "It's not too late, you know," she said gently.
"That's right," Remo added. "He may not want Nostrum."
"That's true. These raiders often buy a company just to sell off pieces for profit. Unless Nostrum owns something LD
Remo snapped his fingers. "Global! Maybe he wants your shares of Global. Smith said it could happen."
"Then I will sell Global!" Chiun trumpeted.
Remo took Chiun by the elbow and drew him out of Faith's hearing. "Not a good idea. Check with Smith first."
"This is not Smith's company," Chiun said brittlely. "It is mine."
"Weren't you listening to anything we just told you?"
"Let them sue," Chiun spat. " I will never give up Nostrum, which I built with my own two hands."
"In one morning after you had it handed to you on a silver platter," Remo pointed out. "So let's talk to Smith before this gets any worse."
"I no longer trust Smith. He did not prepare me for the duplicity of corporate life."
"Join the club," Remo said archly. "Look we gotta call Smith anyway. We've been looking for a nibble. This may be it."
Chiun looked toward Faith, who stood with her arms folded, trying not to overhear the conversation.
"Perhaps there is another way," Chiun said. "Perhaps this is a job for-"
"Don't say it!"
"Bear-Man," Chiun whispered. "Consider coming to work for me, Remo. Nostrum, ink, can use a house assassin. I am the best, of course, but as the chief, I cannot stoop to such lowly work."