If the home’s master bathroom does not have a mirror of proper proportions, then Steve will inform Rick of the problem. If Rick doesn’t know what to do next, Steve will suggest that the three of you go to his house or Rick’s house in search of the right mirror. It will be up to Rick to decide which house to try first. If neither Rick’s house nor Steve’s house has the right mirror, go to the nearest indoor shopping mall. Go to the men’s room in the food court. Most men will not protest Jenny’s being in the men’s room, but if a man protests, Rick will look at the man blankly, saying nothing, and Steve will take a half-step in the man’s direction. The protesting man will then retreat.
Stand side by side before the mirror — Jenny in the center, Rick to her right, Steve to her left. If Rick is the one who looks like Jenny’s brother, his arm should be around her shoulder. If Rick is not the one who looks like Jenny’s brother, he should hold Jenny’s hand.
Rick’s free hand, his right hand, should be raised three inches above his head. The raised hand’s index finger should point forward, in the direction of the mirror, the direction from which Geoff will come later on. Every three to five seconds, Rick should stab the air with his finger.
Steve’s hands will stay in the front pockets of his pants. Steve will watch his feet until the moment after Rick stabs the air, at which point Steve will look to the spot where Rick’s finger is pointed, then return his gaze to his feet.
All the while, Jenny will communicate cautious determination via the engagement of the activity-synthesis described earlier.
Practice Tableau until it conveys a sense of urgency, imminent justice, and the threat of violence. You will know you have acquired mastery when Steve feels important. Steve’s feeling of importance is indicated by facial flush and heavy breathing. When these indications manifest, Rick and Jenny will have a perfect opportunity to acknowledge the importance of Steve. They should do so. Acknowledging Steve’s importance will engender group cohesion. Rick should begin with, “How do you feel, Steve?”
To which Steve will reply, “I feel important.”
And Jenny will say, “You are important,” then glancingly touch the flat of her hand to Steve’s forearm, and add, “to me. You’re important to me.”
And Rick, a rare smile stretched across his face, both hands raised to invite a pair of high-fives that should culminate not in slapping sounds but quiet finger-laced graspings, will say, “Now let’s find Geoff! Let’s do this thing.”
Go where Rick says to go. Once you have gotten there, get in Tableau. Convey urgency, imminent justice, and the threat of violence.
Geoff
Who is Geoff? Whoever Rick says he is.
How is Geoff? Geoff is by himself.
Why is Geoff? Geoff is for Jenny who Geoff is because of.
Where is Geoff? He is moving toward the three of you, probably at the nearest indoor shopping mall, riding the escalators. But that is up to Rick.
Play
Now it is time to play The Guy:
It is time for Rick to choose a Geoff and indicate his choice of Geoff to Jenny, Steve, and Geoff by aiming his jabbing finger in the direction of Geoff and saying, loudly, “Is that the guy?”
From this point on, the three of you, whether by escalator or foot, will continue in Geoff’s direction, so long as he is facing you, and you will not deviate from Tableau.
Rick will repeat, “Is that the guy?”
And Jenny will say, “I don’t know.”
And Steve will look up at Geoff, then back at his feet.
As the team closes in on Geoff, Rick, making sure to jab his finger in time with the question, will say, “Is that the guy?”
And Jenny will say, “I can’t tell.”
And Steve will look up at Geoff, then back at his feet. And the team will continue to close in on Geoff.
Repeat these moves in sequence until Geoff either runs away or is standing within two feet of the three of you, at which point Rick will say to Geoff, “You’re the guy.”
And Jenny will say, “No, he’s not the guy.”
And Rick will say, “Lucky for you, guy.”
And Geoff will go away.
Steve will then whisper, “It’s okay,” and say, “We’ll find him, Jenny,” and ask Rick, “Isn’t that true?”
And just as Rick, with his jabbing finger, indicates the new Geoff and says, “Is that the guy?” Jenny will touch Steve on the cheek to shush him. Steve will beam. FAQ
What if Geoff protests in the fashion of “I didn’t do it,” before Jenny tells Rick, “No, he’s not the guy”?
Ignore Geoff. Continue on as if he hadn’t said anything.
What if Geoff sasses Rick?
If Geoff sasses Rick, Steve should move half a step in Geoff’s direction, and Rick, from behind, should wrap his arms tightly around Steve’s shoulders and say quietly, “Cool out, man,” and then loudly, “We’ll get his ass soon enough.” And Steve should say, “Okay, Rick,” and go limp in Rick’s arms and half-step back into Tableau. Once the team gets within two feet of Geoff, Rick should push Geoff’s forehead back with his jabbing finger twice: once when he says, “You’re the guy,” and again when he says, “Lucky for you, guy.”
What if Geoff sasses Steve?
If Geoff sasses Steve, Steve should affect a neck-and-shoulder tick while Jenny and Rick pretend Geoff didn’t say anything, unless what Geoff says is pretty funny. If what Geoff says is pretty funny, then Rick should let a single chuckle escape and Jenny should bat him lightly on the shoulder, in a tsking manner.
What if Geoff sasses Jenny?
If Geoff sasses Jenny, there is no other option but for Jenny to follow Rick’s “You’re the guy” with “Ohmygod, he is the guy,” at which point Rick and Steve should commit acts of imaginative violence on Geoff, while chanting, “That’s what you get, guy. That’s what you get for messing with Jenny.”
What happens if Rick chooses a Geoff who actually did something brutal to Jenny in real life?
There is no such thing as a Geoff who actually did something brutal to Jenny in real life. Jenny doesn’t exist in real life any more so than Rick, Steve, or Geoff. However, the girl who plays Jenny (i.e., Jenny’s person) does exist, and if whoever’s playing Geoff (Geoff’s person) did something brutal to Jenny’s person, then he should be treated the same as if he had sassed Jenny, except that during the chant, the word Jenny should be replaced with the girl’s given name. If, for example, the given name of the girl who plays Jenny is Samantha, then Rick and Steve should chant, “That’s what you get, guy. That’s what you get for messing with Samantha.” Jenny should at no point after the violence feel obligated to describe the brutal thing the guy did to her person.
What happens if Jenny says Geoff is the guy and Rick doesn’t believe her?
It doesn’t matter what Rick believes. The guy is whoever Jenny says he is. It is fundamental. Where Rick chooses Geoff, Jenny chooses the guy, and Steve… does what is required of him.
What happens if Rick chooses a Geoff who thinks he (Geoff’s person) actually did something brutal to Jenny’s person, when really he did something brutal to someone else?
If Geoff’s person did something brutal to someone else, but Geoff thinks that his person did something brutal to Jenny’s person, then Geoff should be treated as if he sassed Jenny. If Geoff apologizes prior to the acts of imaginative violence, and in so doing addresses Jenny by the name that belongs to the girl whom Geoff thinks Jenny is, then the chant should incorporate that name. For example, if Geoff says, “I’m sorry, Nadine,” then Rick and Steve, while they perform imaginative violence on him, should chant, “That’s what you get, guy. That’s what you get for messing with Nadine.”