Calvin cried harder. “You two are the worst.”
I ignored him. “Whinnie?”
“Yep.”
“The boat is broken. That is what I’ve decided.”
“That is a most excellent decision.”
“So, when Kevin gets here to rescue us, our line is the boat is broken.”
“The boat is SO broken.”
“I know. You hear that, Calvin?”
“The boat’s not broken, you’re just both LAME.”
We attempted two more pathetic oar strokes, but the boat still twisted aimlessly in the water.
Kevin was almost with us. He was grinning, I could see it from here. The red boat was almost with us too. I sighed. It was Kyle’s boat. He was also grinning.
“We have rescuers,” I deadpanned.
“Really? Why?” Whinnie asked. “I could probably wade to the beach from here.”
“YOU GUYS OKAY?” Kevin called.
“OUR BOAT IS BROKEN,” Whinnie and I called back in unison.
“THEY’RE JUST LAME,” Calvin added.
“Shh, Calvin, that’s not the official line.”
Kevin and Kyle arrived at the same time. I tried not to look at Kyle’s arms as he worked the oars. I didn’t try very hard. He had Jenna in the back, as well as my hyperactive nemesis – Charlie Brown.
“What’s going on here?” Kyle expertly brought his boat up against ours.
“Our boat is broken,” I repeated.
Kevin pulled up on the other side so we were in a superior rower sandwich.
“Hey, guys, looks like you’ve got into some trouble.”
“The boat is broken.”
“Umm,” Kyle looked down at the oar in my hands. “You’re holding your paddle wrong.”
I looked down with him. “This is a perfectly acceptable way to be holding an oar.”
“Yeah, if it was an oar and you were in a rowing boat.”
“I am in a rowing boat. That’s what a canoe is.”
“Well, that’s not quite true. And also, this isn’t a canoe anyway. It’s a kayak.”
I shrugged. “So?”
“So…have you considered what that massive flat plastic thing is on the end of your ‘oar’?”
“That’s the annoying bit.”
“No. That’s supposed to be in the water too…like this.” He pushed our boat away so his was floating freely again, and then pulled out his oar, holding his hands at both ends with his arms wide. He dipped one end over one side of the boat, and then the other end over the other side of the boat, like a rocking motion. His canoe, or kayak or whatever, glided forward a good metre or two.
“Oh…” I said.
“Oh…” Whinnie said.
Charlie Brown looked at both of us in disbelief.
“You guys are TOTALLY lame.”
Calvin had stopped crying. “I know, right?”
Bumface Kevin let out a huge thundery laugh. “Well, I guess I forgot to tell you guys how to paddle a kayak. I’d say right now you’re rowing that boat like it’s out of Wind in the Willows.”
“We’ll be fine now, thank you,” I said sternly.
“Let’s mix things up a bit, get Calvin to see the lake a little.”
“No, thank you. We know what we’re doing now.”
Kevin stroked his bumchin as he thought about it. “I know.” He pointed at me. “Amber, you swap with Charlie Brown. He’s a good paddler, aren’t you, Charlie B? You can help Whinnie and Calvin?”
Charlie Brown started scrabbling out of the boat.
“Hang on,” I yelled, as he jumped down, practically on top of me. “I’m not ready yet.” How would my legs get out of this canoe? They’d barely made it in! I turned to Whinnie, but she just shrugged, still holding her paddle wrong.
“Careful, Amber,” Kevin said. I gave him my best glare and tried to free my feet so I could stand.
“Charlie, seriously, you’re in my way.” He rolled his eyes. A bloody ten-year-old rolled his eyes at me, but he wiggled to give me room. I tentatively stood up and the boat rocked. I threw my hands out to steady myself.
“Careful,” Kyle said. It didn’t annoy me when he said it. He was watching me closely, his eyes squinting against the sun. I looked at the small hole Charlie Brown had left. Then I took a deep breath and stepped one foot in. Kyle’s boat lurched away from the impact, making me almost do the splits.
“Hang on.” Kyle pushed his paddle down to steady the boat.
“I just ripped my crotch in two,” I howled.
“Just move your other foot in quickly.”
“I’m scared!”
“It’s all right, I’ve got you.” Kyle reached out his hand and I took it, still surprised by how nice his skin felt, even though I should’ve been immune by now. He gripped it and pulled me towards him, coaxing my other foot off Whinnie’s boat. My centre of gravity shifted and I grabbed him tighter as I stepped down.
Everyone applauded.
“You go, Amber!” Kevin whooped.
Another glare.
Charlie Brown had already slotted himself into my old space and grabbed my paddle. “I’m the captain!” he yelled. And, before Whinnie and Calvin knew what was happening, their boat had taken off, powered by the strength and sheer egotism of a ten-year-old American who is good at sports.
I wedged myself down into a new hole of humiliation, which gave me a view of the back of Kyle’s head. Some of his hair had grown long, curling around his ears. I looked back, towards Jenna.
“Hey, Jenna,” I said, smiling. “I’m your new boat roomie.”
She gave me a stern look. “You’re not very good at paddling, you know that, right?”
I wiggled in, turning my back to her.
“I don’t consider paddling a very important life skill. When will I ever need to paddle?”
“Umm…right now?”
“Well aren’t you clever?” I muttered under my breath. The boat rocked as Kyle laughed and craned round to us both.
“Now, Amber, are we ready to go? Do you think you know what you’re doing with the paddle?”
I gave him a big fake grin. “Putting it in the water?”
“And not just one end…but?”
“Both ends?” I rolled my eyes.
“Good job,” he said, as only Americans can. “On the count of three, ready, Jenna? One, two, three…”
…The boat turned in a circle as I deliberately shoved only one end of my paddle into the water.
“What the…?” Kyle craned round again, I smiled even more sweetly, holding my paddle up in admission.
“That…” I said, “was payment, for all the patronizing.”
Once I got the hang of rowing and/or paddling – whatever the hell it was – it started to get quite nice.
Okay, so the paddle was already forming two hefty blisters between my thumb and finger, but Kyle, Jenna and I hit a rhythm and the canoe/kayak glided through the lake like it was being pushed by the gods.
Soon the pier was a tiny speck, and the other kayaks were too.
The water spread out in all directions, the trees lining it looking tinier and tinier. I pulled my baseball cap lower to shade my eyes from the harsh sun, looking around me in humbled awe as we dipped our paddles in the water – the steady splish-splosh uniting us like a common heartbeat.
“How long till we reach the other side?” I asked, embarrassed by how far we’d gotten in the time it had taken Whinnie and I to move five metres away from the pier.
“If we paddle hard for five more minutes, we’ll make it,” Kyle called back.
“And what’s at the other side of the lake?”
“More trees,” Jenna replied.
“Oh.” I was disappointed. “I thought there would be, like, something different.”
“We’re doing it for the achievement, Amber.” Jenna’s voice was so authoritative. “We’re doing it because we can.”
I pulled a face I thought that neither of them could see, but Kyle turned round and caught it.
“I was telling her about the first person to ever climb Mount Everest,” he said, by way of explanation. “I read a biography about him. When he came down from the mountain, everyone asked him, why did you do it? And his famous answer was, ‘Because it was there’.”