“Actually…” Whinnie said. “It does make a huge difference.” She pointed at herself. “Maths major…”
They started bickering and I sighed and lunged towards Russ. “Just give me a straw already.”
I felt guilty I was even in the draw. I had my own room in a private cabin, I didn’t need a break as bad as they did. But I was also desperate to have a weekend off so I could go on a trip with my mum. Finally, after three evenings in a row of my careful hinting, she’d promised we could go sightseeing together – anywhere I wanted – if I got the weekend off. Just us two. Not a bummy chin in sight.
Russ leaned over and I plucked a straw from him. It was long.
“Ahhhh, lucky!” Russ pulled a face at me.
“See!” Whinnie said. “Now the rest of us statistically have a lesser chance of getting one.”
“That means I’m next!” Russ plunged into his own palm and pulled out a short straw.
“DAMNIT!”
We had to stop him from dropping them all over the floor.
“Go offer them to the others,” I said. Russ gave me a resentful look and went to present the straws to Bryony and the rest of Dumbledore’s Army. Two of them drew short straws, cursing under their breath. Bryony delicately plucked out a long straw. “Awesome!”
The kids were rousing behind us. Pudding was finished. The clattering sound of empty plastic bowls filled the hall.
“Quick,” I said. “We don’t have long. The sugar rush from dessert is about to kick in.”
Everyone laughed but I wasn’t trying to be funny. I’d learned to dread sugar. American food seemed to be laden with it, even the healthy stuff. Like “raisin bran” – each raisin came in a crystallized winter coat of silvery refined sugar. One moment the kids would be okay – I could get them sitting quietly in the rec hall, painting or whatever. Then they’d have a snack and suddenly it was like being in a Roy Lichtenstein painting – all KABAAM and WALLOP, as they ricocheted off the walls, running about and fighting with each other.
There were two straws left – one for Whinnie, one for Kyle. They both reached for the same one, and Kyle made a gentlemanly gesture.
“Okay then, you take it.”
Whinnie did. It was a short straw. “Damnit!” she yelled as Kyle triumphantly grabbed the last long straw from Russ’s hand.
“That’s what you get when you’re a gentleman!” He picked Whinnie up and whirled her around.
“You are not a gentleman.”
“Oh yeah?” And he put his arms around her back and started ballroom dancing her about the hall. The kids – the sugar from pudding well and truly lodged in now – came running up behind us. “We wanna go, we wanna go.”
Calvin grabbed me, his pudgy hands forcing me to turn with authority. “Dance with me.”
“Calvin, you just can’t go around grabbing girls like that.”
He didn’t listen, but dragged me caveman-like into the centre of the room and started twirling me with a determined look on his face. The other kids paired up too, and soon we were all swirling to no music, a silent ball, as Kevin and Mum laughed from the sides and took photos.
I slipped on a spaghetti hoop that had fallen to the floor.
“Woooooah,” I shot into Kyle and Whinnie.
“Swap partners,” Kyle called, expertly swapping me and Whinnie and kicking the treacherous spaghetti hoop to the side of the hall. He leaned in and whispered in my ear, making my curly hair tickle. “Consider yourself rescued.”
I looked over his shoulder at Whinnie. Calvin was spinning her into circle after circle after circle.
“He is one determined child,” I said. “Thank you…
I think I have whiplash of the whole body.”
We twirled, skidding a bit on some chocolate pudding. Russ had two small girls riding on his feet, and groaned whenever he had to take a step. Bryony and Melody and their group were teaching some of the girls to shimmy in the corner.
“I think he has a crush on you.” Kyle spun me again so we could see Calvin staring at both of us. He was scowling a bit…
“Great,” I said. “The first guy ever to have a crush on me, and he’s an overweight ten year old in the first thrusts of puberty.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
“What? You think he’s still a while away from puberty?”
Kyle dipped me, but slid on some spilled juice. We collapsed onto the floor. Him on top of me.
“OUCH!” I said, as everyone stopped dancing.
“AHHHH YOU FELL OVER. DO IT AGAIN. YOU FELL OVER. OHMYGODTHAT’SSOFUNNYDOITAGAINAHAHAHAHAA.” The children forgot the dancing and the hall of ballroom dancers all started deliberately skidding on leftover food, throwing themselves to the floor. Mum (sensing a lawsuit) clapped her hands in that loud way that made everyone stop.
“Time for campfire, everyone.” They cheered and started lining up in their groups by the door. Kyle scrambled up and held out his hand to help me off the ground.
“I think I’ve got alphabetti spaghetti in my hair,” I whinged. “And concussion of the butt area.”
Kyle laughed a wide open laugh and steered me towards Dumbledore’s Army.
“I was talking about the crush,” he said. “I don’t think it’s true that Calvin is the first guy to have a crush on you.”
And he was helping the children get into pairs before my mouth had even fallen open…
SITUATIONS THAT ARE DESTINED TO FAIL:
Sleep
+
A cup of hot chocolate
Seventeen
From: LongTallAmber
To: EvieFilmGal; LottieIsAlwaysRight
Subject: TIME OFF!!!!!
I’m getting time off!!!!!!!!!!
They’re actually letting me leave the camp. And Mum’s coming too! I’ve got an entire weekend with my mum AND NO ONE ELSE. She’s driving us to Los Angeles and I want to take the obligatory photo of myself by the Hollywood Sign and wander about the place, hoping to bump into Joseph Gordon-Levitt so he can fall violently in love with me. I’m soooooooooo looking forward to chilling, just us two. I can never get her away from Bumface Kevin – I think his bumchin may have its own gravitational pull and you need some kind of rocket launcher to break Mum away from his atmosphere.
Thank you so much, as well, for your VERY SYMPATHETIC attitude towards my boy woe…not.
Okay, so I definitely had it coming… He’s still being all confusing. Yesterday he said something about this chubby kid at camp who's developed a worrying crush on me. Kyle said: “I bet he’s not the first guy to have a crush on you.”
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?
Anyway, that’s tomorrow so I’ll be offline for two days. Let me know all your news.
Lots of love
Amber
I putzed about on the internet a bit longer before bedtime, looking up things to do in LA. Did I want to go and see famous people’s houses? Or go to Universal Studios? There was lots of tourist stuff about Wine Country – a part of California that looked really pretty. But I couldn’t really suggest Mum and I went there…
An email pinged in just as I was about to log off.
From: LottieIsAlwaysRight
To: LongTallAmber
Subject: You do know you’ll need to bleach your bum-hole, right?
That’s what EVERYONE does in LA. It is one big anal bleaching EPIDEMIC.
And they don’t give you normal omelettes, but ones made with only the white of the egg which everyone knows is the shit bit of egg.
Seriously, though, I am SO jealous. Have a great time with your mum! I am ALL alone this weekend. Evie is buggering off on a "Mindfulness Weekend" with Oli. I KNOW?! Maybe a bit of meditation will finally get those two together. We all went for a drink the other night and they kept looking at each other and pretending not to. It was so cute I almost vommed with happiness and banged their heads together. Things have got so desperate here that I’ve actually agreed to go drinking with Jane and Joel tomorrow night. WISH ME LUCK.