Oodles of love
Lottie
xxx
PS Don’t let this guy mess your head around with his bulgy arms. If he has chosen Melody as his streetlight to piss on, he can’t go around saying that sort of thing to you. Just close your eyes whenever you talk to him, so you’re not pulled in by his arms (both literally and metaphorically).
I pottered to the kitchen quietly, smiling to myself as I filled up my water glass. Those girls… I was so lucky to have those girls. All I could hear was the steady buzz of cicadas – I finally learned what they were called! – as I ran the tap. I thought of everyone in the cabins surrounding us. Whinnie tucking the last of the children in, Russ trying to get to sleep quickly before Martin had another nightmare… Kyle sneaking out to meet Melody probably…
“Hey, sweetie.”
I jumped, splashing water all down myself. It seeped into my strappy night-top, making my tummy lurch back in shock.
“Mum, jeez. You scared me. I thought you were asleep?”
“Kevin is. I was reading.”
I grabbed a kitchen towel and dabbed myself dry. Mum looked like a Renaissance painting, all Pre-Raphaelite, her auburn hair streaming down her back, her pale skin all cushiony and glowing.
“Do you want a cup of hot chocolate?” she asked. “I was going to make one for myself.”
“Sounds great.”
Mum warmed up some milk on the tatty cabin stove while I sat on the countertop and watched her. I would never get tired of watching her. I couldn’t even think about the end of camp, the end of this summer, when the simple act of watching my mother would be snatched away again.
“I can’t wait to go to LA,” I said, swinging my legs under the countertop.
Mum looked distracted as she poured the hot milk on top of the cocoa powder and stirred.
“Uh hur…”
“Can we go to Hollywood Boulevard and put our hands in the prints of famous people?”
Mum handed me a cup and grimaced. “Er, no. Hollywood is a horrid place. I thought we could take a hike.”
“A hike?”
“Yes. Some of the LA mountains are beautiful.”
“But we’re on a mountain right now. We could hike, like, right now.”
She walked away to the couch and perched on the edge. Mum never sat, she always perched, waiting to dart off again. Somewhere else. Somewhere I wasn’t.
“I guess we’ll see,” she said. In that way. That way I remembered her using whenever she knew she wasn’t going to do what I wanted.
We’ll have to see, darling. Mummy doesn’t feel very well this evening. I don’t know if I’ll be better to chaperone your school trip to London. Go to bed. We’ll see in the morning.
“That was funny in the rec hall today” – she slurped her milk – “everyone bursting into ballroom dancing. The children loved it.”
I sat across from her, perching myself, on the poufy footrest. My knees hunched up over my body, warming the cold bit where I’d spilled the water.
“They love everything,” I said. “Apart from bedtime.”
“You’re great with them, Amber. You’ll make a brilliant mother one day.”
Anyone would in comparison to you. I felt guilty the moment I’d thought it.
“I saw you dancing with Kyle.”
Why did she always bring him up?
I shrugged. “He only rescued me from Calvin. I think he was about to grab my butt.”
“Remember what I said about him. Last year I saw so many hearts break over that boy.”
“I know.”
“He’s friendly to everyone…and he looks like that…girls think they’re special…”
“Jeez, Mum, I know, all right!?”
I knew he wouldn’t fancy me. I knew he was just that way. I knew he would always go for girls like Melody because that’s just what happens. I didn’t need my mum to remind me he wasn’t going to fall in love with me. I had daily reminders of that myself – from Mum… “I think he’s with Melody anyway,” I said helplessly. “Well, I think they hooked up.”
“I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
So rich coming from her. So SO rich coming from her. And yet I could sense she sensed my anger, and I didn’t want to ruin our Hollywood movie moment. I guessed I could hike in LA, I mean Joseph Gordon-Levitt wouldn’t fall in love with me anyway, even if we did bump into him.
“Thank you.” I’d drunk all my drink already, but I sipped at my cup, so she wouldn’t know. “I won’t get hurt though. We’re just friends.”
“Uh hurr.”
Mum seemed relaxed and, again, so many questions tumbled around my head, wanting to launch themselves off my tongue.
“Do you…” I started. “Do you ever miss home?” Thinking it was an easy one to lead into more.
“Of course,” Mum said. She stood up, and I could see her drink wasn’t finished. There was still half left. She was standing up anyway.
“The weekend staff arrive tomorrow,” she said, like the question I’d asked before wasn’t totally loaded, wasn’t so totally a question with more questions behind it. “That’s always a fun campfire. All that new energy…”
I winced at the word “energy” – feeling spent. Like all my optimism had bungee-jumped right out the small cabin window. All I wanted was a few answers…that wasn’t too much, was it?
For her it was.
“Sleep well, poppet.”
She rubbed my hair, making it frizz, and padded in her embroidered nightgown back to her bedroom.
I stared at the door for a while, playing with my empty cup. The sugar from the cocoa had woken me up.
I went back to my cramped little room and got out my sketchpad, doodling and pencilling and shading until all the bad thoughts quietened down enough so I could finally fall asleep.
SITUATIONS THAT ARE DESTINED TO FAIL:
Whiskey + Family history of drinking
+
Whiskey + Cancelled trips to LA
+
Whiskey + Repressed emotions of several years
+
Whiskey
Eighteen
Mum was right. The weekend relief staff did bring new energy.
They arrived in jeeps, each cradling a rucksack, picking up the children for hugs and brimming over with the enthusiasm we’d all got too tired to muster. At campfire that night, us regulars just relaxed and let them do all the work.
They were desperate to make the kids love them in the time they’d missed. They started games and sang stupid loud songs, and basically did everything for us, so we could take it in turns to sneak into the fringes of the woods and knock back shots of Russ’s whiskey.
“I love the weekend staff,” I declared, to Russ, Kyle, Whinnie and Bryony, as I took my second shot and peered at the celebratory madness happening around the fire. “I love the weekend staff, and I really like that it’s the weekend.”
Russ took the whiskey bottle from me. “I’m so jealous! I don’t think my body can handle another game of paintball.”
We all laughed as Russ showed us his epic bruises. We’d been paintballing in the forest that day. Always looking for attention, Russ had been screaming “CAN’T GET ME” at all of the children. So, of course, it became a massive game of Get Russ.
I’d managed to only receive one direct hit – from Calvin – who stalked me through the woods, huffing and puffing behind me.
“Well I got two bruises, one on each butt cheek.” Bryony took the bottle off Russ. “I swear Calvin is such a perv.” She took a drink and passed it to Kyle. “You still on for LA tomorrow?”