New ankle, new dawn, new goat, new convert. “Yes, Lord—”
But the Master didn’t appear and Sister Contrition took breakfast for three over to the Tower while Sister Blessing helped Karma clear the table and wash the dishes.
To the banging of tin plates and cups Sister Blessing resumed her singing. “There’s a good day coming, yes, Lord.” It was music strange to the Tower, whose only songs were old somber hymns with new words written by the Master. They all sounded alike and cheered and comforted no one.
“Why are you making so much noise?” Karma said, clearing the crumbs from the table with a disdainful air, as if each and every one of them was personally offensive to her.
“Because I feel full of life and hope.”
“Well, I don’t. All the days are the same around here. Nothing changes except we get older.”
“Hush now, and stop copying your mother. Crankiness is a habit hard to break.”
“I don’t care. What reason have I got for not being cranky?”
“You mustn’t let the rest of them hear you speak such words,” Sister Blessing said, trying to sound very severe. “It would hurt me deeply to see you punished again.”
“I’m being punished twenty-four hours a day just by having to stay here. I hate it. When I get another chance I’m going to run away.”
“No, Karma, no. It’s hard to think of eternity when you’re young, but you must try. Having trod the rough earth, your feet uncovered, you will walk the smooth and golden streets of heaven. Remember that, child.”
“How do I know it’s true?”
“It is. It is true.” But her own voice echoed falsely in her ears: Isn’t it? “You must fill your mind with visions of glory, Karma.” Mustn’t you?
“I can’t. I keep thinking of the boys and girls at school, and their pretty clothes, and the way they laughed a lot, and all the books they had to read. Hundreds of books about things I never heard of before. Just touching them and knowing they were there—oh, it was such a wonderful feeling.” Karma’s face was pale under the bright red pimples that spotted it like a clown’s make-up. “Why can’t we have books here, Sister?”
“How could the colony survive with everyone’s noses buried in books? There’s work to be—”
“That’s not the real reason.”
Sister Blessing looked uneasy. “Now, now, this isn’t a safe subject. The rules clearly state—”
“No one’s listening. I know the real reason. If we find out from books how other people live, we might not want to stay here and there wouldn’t be any colony.”
“The Master is the best judge of our welfare, you must understand that.”
“Well, I don’t.”
“Oh, Karma, my child, what are we to do with you?”
“Let me go.”
“The outside world is a cruel place.”
“Crueler than this?”
There was no answer. Sister Blessing had turned away and was scrubbing a tin plate she had already scrubbed twice in the past minute. It is time, she thought, time for Karma to leave and for me to help her. I would give the breath in my body to help her but I don’t know how. Oh Lord, give me guidance.
“Mr. Quinn doesn’t think the world’s such a cruel place,” Karma said.
The name caught Sister Blessing by surprise. She had been deliberately suppressing it for days now. When it popped up in her mind like a jack-in-the-box, she forced it down again, pressed the lid over it and held it tight. But the lid was slippery and her hand not always strong and quick enough, and out he would come, the young man she wished she had never seen. She said sharply, “What Mr. Quinn thinks is of no importance. He has gone out of our lives completely and forever.”
“No, he hasn’t.”
“What do you know about it?”
“I’m not telling if I don’t want to.”
Sister Blessing turned away from the tubful of dishes and, her hands still wet, grasped Karma by the shoulders. “You saw him? You talked to him?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“When you were in isolation,” Karma said. “I told him about my acne and he promised to come back and bring me some lotion for it. And he will.”
“No, he won’t.”
“He promised.”
“He is not coming back,” Sister Blessing said, pressing the lid down, holding it tight. “He must let us alone. He is our enemy.”
Malice spread over Karma’s face like a blush she couldn’t prevent. “The Master says we don’t have any enemies, only friends who have not yet seen the light. What if Mr. Quinn comes back to be shown the light?”
“Mr. Quinn has returned to the gambling tables of Reno where he belongs. If he gave you any promise he was foolish, and you’re even more foolish to believe him. Listen, Karma,” I made a bad mistake which involved Mr. Quinn and I have been punished for it severely. Now that must be the end of it. We won’t see him again and there’ll be no more talk about him, is that clear?” She paused, then added in a quieter, more reasonable voice, “Mr. Quinn’s intentions were all right but he has caused trouble.”
“Trouble over Patrick O’Gorman?”
“Where did you get that name?”
“I... I just sort of heard it,” Karma said, frightened by the Sister’s intensity which she couldn’t understand. “It just— floated through the air. I guess, into my ears.”
“That’s a lie. You heard it from Mr. Quinn.”
“No. I swear, it just sort of floated through the air into my ears.”
Sister Blessing’s hand dropped from Karma’s shoulders in a gesture of futility. “I despair of you, Karma.”
“I wish everybody did,” Karma said in a soft, stubborn voice. “Then they’d banish me and I could go away with Mr. Quinn when he comes with the lotion.”
“He is not coming. He performed the service I paid him for in my moment of weakness and indiscretion, and there is no good reason for him to return. A promise to a child means nothing to a man like Mr. Quinn. You were very naive to take him seriously.”
“You must take him seriously, too, or you wouldn’t act so scared.”
“Scared?” The word fell into the middle of the room like a stone thrown through the skylight. Sister Blessing attempted to hide the stone by surrounding it with camouflage: “You are a dear girl, Karma, but what a flighty imagination you have. And I strongly suspect you developed a bit of a crush on Mr. Quinn.”
“I don’t know what that means, a crush.”
“It means you’re indulging in a silly dream about his coming back here to rescue you, to make you beautiful with a magic lotion. That’s all it is, Karma, a dream.”
The Sister returned to the tub of dishes. The water was cold by this time, grease floated on top of it and the harsh soap would not lather. As she forced her hands into the dirty water she tried to resume her song but she couldn’t remember the music, the words no longer seemed prophetic, only wistfuclass="underline" Isn’t there, surely, a good day coming, Lord?
At noon the official announcement was made in the shrine in the inner court. A tall, thin, bespectacled man, already shaved and robed, was introduced briefly by the Master: “It is with humble rejoicing that I acquaint you with Brother Faith of Angels who has come to share our lives in this world and our salvation in the next. Amen.”
“Amen,” said Brother Faith, and the others echoed, “Amen.”
There was an undercurrent of excitement among the brethren but they dispersed quickly and quietly and returned to their jobs. Brother Light trudged back to the barn, thinking, with satisfaction, of the new convert’s soft white hands and how soon they would be changed; and Sister Contrition ran toward the kitchen, her face contorted by anxiety and lack of breath: He is not old but he is certainly not young, either, and perhaps his eyesight is failing and he will not notice Karma. How cruelly fast she has developed into a woman.