Now she wanted to know what else Blake could bring to the bedroom. What would it be like to have him on top of her, as she lay back into fluffy hotel pillows and let him go to town?
What she really wanted, she thought in the quiet darkness of the bus, was so surprising to her that she bit the inside of her cheek, wondering if she really craved what she thought she did. Did she really want to taste him, or was she telling herself that because she thought she should? It was possible that was simply something she wanted to do to check off her “Things Julia Doesn’t Do” list. Something reserved for this getaway that she wouldn’t otherwise seek out.
But the Julia she wasn’t was becoming more and more of the Julia she wanted to be—fun, sexy, spirited, alive. She didn’t just want to give Blake a blowjob. She wanted to want it, the way she wanted sex with him, period. The full giving in she felt when she stopped thinking about what she should and shouldn’t do, whether it was right or wrong, how silly she looked, how inappropriate it was, how much she was bound to get hurt. The giving in when she wanted more and more and still more of it, until she was no longer herself—but not because she was somebody else.
The thought of what was in store for them was making Julia’s pulse leap. In the darkness, she could barely make out the outline of Blake’s profile, resting with his eyes closed, his lips slightly open, the faint stubble down his jaw. She wondered if he was sleeping, but when she shifted against him, trying to force her reckless body to stop fixating on sex all the damned time, he opened his eyes to peek over and she felt the thrill that his gaze still had on her.
“I thought maybe you were asleep,” she murmured, trying to keep quiet enough not to disturb the other passengers. But none of them stirred.
“Not yet. Just resting. What were you thinking about?”
Julia couldn’t stop a smile from escaping, even though he couldn’t see it in the dark. “You,” she whispered.
The word hung between them, full of the longing she felt.
“I like the sound of that,” Blake finally said. “What about me?”
“Good things.”
“Such as?” He held her tighter. Teasing. Playing.
Julia glanced up the aisle. There were several rows between them and the next person, an older Brazilian woman traveling by herself. Her seat was back, and she wasn’t moving. Soft sounds came from her seat. She was definitely asleep.
Beyond that, Julia could only make out the shapes of heads reclining back, scattered with empty seats between them. She didn’t know if anyone spoke English, or whether they’d be able to hear over the hum of the engine, which was louder in the back and drowned out their words. She decided she could risk it.
“Such as everything I’m going to do to you once we’re in Rio,” she leaned over and whispered in his ear.
She felt him tighten against her. She knew the effect the words had. Her own body was equally on edge.
“Like what?” He shifted, trying to get more comfortable, trying to keep his voice low and relaxed like they were chatting about anything—sports or the weather or the waterfalls.
Anything but how they really felt.
Gently Julia leaned over and bit his bottom lip. That move had been the first thing she’d done that had really surprised herself, showing him that she was game and wanted more. Except that jumping in the pool with him in the first place had shocked her to her core.
Now she felt that same power pulsing through her, flirting and teasing, building the pleasure and anticipation so that by the time they arrived in Rio, there’d be nothing to do but find the nearest hotel room and throw off their clothes.
“Everything,” she breathed in his ear. His arm clenched around her.
“Don’t promise a man that unless you mean it,” he groaned quietly and Julia tried not to stir as she brushed her lips against the sensitive spot on his neck. She paused, but nothing changed in the night except the subtle shifts of their breathing. The bus drove on. The night rolled by.
“There are some things we haven’t done yet,” she whispered, sure no one was looking at them.
Blake shifted in his seat to face her and slid his arm across her stomach, under the blanket that covered them. His fingers grazed the top of her shorts, finding the edge of her panties.
“I know,” he whispered, his breath hot in her ear, making her want him even more. His touch wasn’t helping her calm her thoughts, but she had only herself to blame. She had started this. Now the ache between her legs was so intense, she wasn’t sure she could take it. Involuntarily she spread her thighs, sliding one leg over his.
“There are things I want to do to you,” she said softly, trying to meet his eyes in the flicker of lights from the road and the soft spread of the moon coming through the window.
It seemed like Blake tried to speak but all he could do was groan. Inwardly, Julia danced with delight at the thought that he wanted her like she wanted him. It wasn’t that she didn’t like giving head; it was more that she’d hardly had the occasion to practice. It always seemed so fraught with her and Danny. He didn’t want to do anything that he feared would seem degrading, or that she might not enjoy. No matter how much she insisted that she wanted to—and she did—he remained convinced that she was only doing it because she thought she had to please him. Nothing she could say would convince him that she knew her own desires and was capable of acting on them.
They’d gotten together when they were so young, Julia realized, and he treated her like a child the whole time. Like someone breakable, who might suddenly change her mind.
She realized later, of course, that it wasn’t only because of his fears about her. It was also his fears about himself. His fear of pleasure. Of letting go. Of enjoying her body too much. It was only now with Blake, as the night rolled by, that Julia knew how much she and Danny had both missed out on by holding themselves back. Now it was the letting go that she wanted, the loss of control, the terrified, elated surrender of their bodies that was wonderful, not wrong.
She had given Blake her body, had taken him inside her, had felt the pleasure pushing through her so strong it made her scream. She wanted to see how far they could go together, how they could push each other. She wanted to know what he would feel like in her mouth, taste like on her tongue. Under the blanket, she spread her legs wider for him.
They were resting side by side like any two people sitting on an overnight ride, but underneath, Blake’s hand was moving. Slowly, imperceptibly, he undid her button and slid her zipper down. She glanced up at him, at his smile, and leaned her head back in the seat. His hand slid under her panties, his knuckle grazing her open fly. She worked her shorts down slightly over her hips, enough to give his hand free reign. Her clit jumped immediately to greet him. Once she had been so shy, so difficult to find, but it was hard to feel anything but open with Blake. He exhaled at her wetness and kissed her ear, sliding in, sliding out, forming the small circles that made her hips dance.
Julia lay back and closed her eyes. She felt nothing but the night wrapping her in darkness and the fine pressure of joy that snaked all the way up her belly, her spine, down her limbs, straight to her heart. Blake had found that perfect spot that kept her at his mercy, and he was working it with a steady, even rhythm, down the sensitive side and over the top, fast enough to build her pleasure, slow enough to make her toes curl.
Her thighs tightened, her leg pressing down on his. Her breath caught and she exhaled, then held her breath again. She gripped the side of the seat, eyes pinched shut, trying to keep her breathing quiet and even. Like someone sleeping, even though she was very much awake.