When I was with Lisa, later that evening, the suspicion occurred to me that the Polack and Wendy were collaborating in a plot to make me kill myself. Why they might want this I could not have said for certain. There was no life insurance money. It was all signed away to our investors in the buyout agreements. So just to get back at me, I supposed.
I watched Lisa across the table. She was sipping a blue margarita. This woman is a whole woman, I thought. She is who she appears to be. But those two. It was like they were the same woman, divided into two evil halves. You are getting drunk, Bobby, I thought. But there really was something to it. They understood and considered things I could not even speak if I knew them. They could see years into the future.
“Excuse me, Lisa,” I said. She smiled at me. What a nice woman she is, I thought. She thinks about my pleasure, my state of being. She wants me to be happy.
I went to the bathroom and inspected myself, with kindness, in the mirror. I placed my palms on the red marble counter and sucked in my cheeks. That helped. I look a bit like Jesus, I thought, in a hound’s-tooth pale yellow Armani suit. Or like John Lennon, but with slicked-back hair.
There was a room at the Mansion on Turtle Creek that would become our regular room. But I think this was the first time we went to the Mansion together. It was a Friday night.
“Why did you call Sylvia? That’s what I want to know. I don’t really see you as one of these prostitute guys. I mean, I know you’re married and all. But why not just go to a bar and get a regular girl?”
“You are my regular girl.” We had been together for a month now and she let me say things like that to her. Probably she was only being patient with me. But she said it first. About a regular girl, I mean.
The summer was turning around, I felt. It could be a good summer yet.
“You know what I mean.”
“That’s how it seems to women. Because they can have sex whenever they want to. But for men it’s not that way.”
I could not see Lisa’s expression because the light was behind her and her hair made a tent around her face. She bent over to kiss me and I could smell my bad breath in her hair. She whispered something to me. She straightened back up.
“It is because you are married. If you weren’t married you would never have called me at all. That’s kind of funny, isn’t it? That we meet again because you are married?”
I couldn’t tell if she was playing or if she was searching for something.
“That’s not true. It’s not just being married. I have a girlfriend.”
“I know about your girlfriend. That Polack girl. What a waste.”
“You have a boyfriend, too.”
The blond with the bangs and the cigarettes was not a pimp. He was her boyfriend. Sometimes he still brought her to my apartment in his truck. But then I would drop her off at home. She did not like to drive herself.
“I have a real boyfriend who loves me. You just have me and a wife you cheat on and a weird eastern European girlfriend who has turned into some kind of mystery criminal. Not to mention that she was always a slut, even back in the Fort Worth Deluxe days. And I don’t use that word. But I know.”
“I’m not cheating on my wife. I moved out.”
“It’s still cheating, Bobby. Plus, whatever you say, you’re cheating on that so-called girlfriend. With me.”
“She’s not exactly my girlfriend. She’s a salesperson.”
“That’s nice. I bet she would love to hear you say that. That’s a nice way to talk about her. Do you love her?”
That was a funny question to ask me. I couldn’t tell how she meant it. But it seemed like a promising sign.
“She can be pretty nice. You might be surprised. She sure is a lot happier than Wendy is.”
“Real nice, Bobby. The Polack. I don’t understand you at all. I mean, I suppose maybe I do but I almost wish I didn’t. She doesn’t know about me, does she?”
“No one knows.”
“Oh, I bet she does. That’s what’s really sad. She knows.”
“No, she doesn’t. You don’t know her about this kind of thing. I’m telling you, she’s dangerous. She’s jealous, too. She would kill us both.”
“You don’t know anything, Bobby. You are just like a damn little kid. Why do you want all these mommies, Bobby? Wouldn’t you be better off with just one mommy?”
Now she was being cruel, and I couldn’t see why.
“Could we talk about something else?”
“We’ve got all night.”
“Could we talk about something happy?”
“I’m happy. You should be happy, too. But you don’t know anything. You can’t even get a real girl. You had to call Sylvia.”
That was something I had been thinking about. Since she brought it up. Since she was the one wanting to talk about these things. Just say it, Bobby, I thought. But as I spoke I couldn’t quite ask her what I wanted to ask her.
“Sylvia,” I said. “You know Jim gave me Sylvia’s number.” That was pretty close, I thought. Close enough.
“Jim, as in your brother, Jim?” She looked away from me. “No, I didn’t know that. Why? I don’t want to see Jim.” She kissed me again, on my neck, and then rolled off of me. “Here, you want a fresh drink? I’ll get us both one,” she said.
While she was getting the bottle from the minibar she said, “You didn’t give him my number, did you? Did you tell him about us?”
“No. Of course not. That’s not what I was saying. He gave me Sylvia’s number. That’s all I was saying. He and Sylvia know each other. He doesn’t know about you at all.” That sounded odd. “I mean, I didn’t know if you wanted me to tell him. I want to tell him about you. About us, I mean. About you and me. And that you are happy and everything. You know, I think he’d be glad to know. Like old friends and everything. Plus he cares about you. And me, too. He would be happy for us.” Shut up, Bobby.
She had been watching me from where she was kneeling at the minibar but now she looked away from me. I couldn’t tell why. Maybe it was that she believed I was lying and did not want to humiliate me by letting me see it in her face. I wasn’t lying, though. That was the frustrating part.
“But maybe I shouldn’t tell him. I don’t know what you would think. You might not like him now.”
“Maybe you think he wouldn’t like me anymore,” she said. She was turned away from me and the way her hair hung on her naked back, between those shoulder blades that belonged on an antelope, made me want to reach out and grab it with both hands. She was putting ice in the glasses. “It sounds like that is what you are saying. But do you really know him in that way? He might look at all this differently than you do. Do you really know what you’re talking about, Bobby?”
“No, what I’m saying is you wouldn’t like him now.” I had to dig myself out and I would do it at Jim’s expense, if necessary. I thought I was hurting her feelings. “He would definitely still like you.”
She lit a cigarette. She came back to the bed.
“Here’s your drink, baby,” she said.
I took the cold glass of ice and vodka. I wanted to go to the bathroom to pee, but I didn’t want to leave her alone to think. Also I was still a bit shy to urinate around her, and I couldn’t close the bathroom door in the middle of this conversation.
“I hope you are not trying to trick me into something,” she said.
“I said I don’t want you to meet him, Lisa.”
“That’s what you said. I believe you. But this is how it starts with you two. I’ve seen it before. I’ve seen you two in action. It always starts with something. Something like this.”
“What starts?”
“What do you think, Bobby? Nothing good, I’ll tell you that much. Nothing that will make any of the three of us happier.”