I, Alien

On Sarah’s birthday (which is my birthday as well but not really, only in my own head) we went into town so Sarah could pick a present. She wanted a doll which I knew already and I have been trying to make her one from the broken wood in the back garden, but it never looks right. It is not like drawing or as easy as forming my brood where all I have to do is think a thought. But I couldn’t make a doll and daddy put it in the fire anyway, but I don’t think he knew what it was and I didn’t tell him or he would feel bad.

We went to lunch first, but I had to stand outside in the dusty road holding their bags with a dog which kept barking at me. I wished I had a mouth so I could say shush dog, but I don’t so I couldn’t. The owner came and untied the dog and he said good boy, you tell the ugly alien, which I didn’t think was very nice of him.

After lunch we all went to another shop where I had to wait outside again. I wish I could go in and look at all the things. But I had to look at the window instead and stood making faces at my reflection which was fun.

Daddy came out and went across the road to a shop filled with bottles. Mummy and Sarah were still looking for dolls.

Then at the same time, which is funny if you think about it, daddy and Sarah and mummy came out of the shops at the same time. Sarah saw daddy and ran toward him waving her new doll which was very pretty. Both daddy and mummy shouted no, then stop her! stop Sarah! catch her! which I don’t think they were saying to me because I am Not Allowed to touch Sara.

Sarah ran to her daddy and one of the floating cars hit her in the side while she was waving her doll in the air.

Sarah’s arm came off and landed on the car. She flied through the air and landed on her neck in front of the shop where she got her doll. People screamed and dropped things. People shouted at me why didn’t you stop her? You stupid alien! You killed her! And I started to cry because I thought I wasn’t allowed to touch her and now they wanted me to and I didn’t know.

Daddy came up to me and his face looked horrible and angry. He hit me in the head so hard I fell down and he said to me get out of here you fucking beast I never want to see you again, and he kicked me. Then he turned away and fell onto the ground crying and I went away from my family.

I ran away over the dust for four days. (I took my dress off first and folded it into a bag so it wouldn’t get dirty.) I ran away to my brood because this is where my clan have sired For Ever and it is a peaceful place.

I lay down in the hole where I was born and cried.

I didn’t mean to kill Sarah. I wondered if they would ever forgive me.

I closed my eyes and let my mind join my brood. I listened to their minds and their hearts beating in time with each other. It was like a tune for a lullaby and I sang myself to sleep, a song I heard mummy sing to Sarah.

Golden slumbers kiss your eyes Smiles await you when you rise: Sleep pretty wantons, do not cry, And I will sing a lullaby

I dreamed that Sara was alive and we were a happy family again. We ate lunch in the garden and little bugs sat at the table and shared our food. They talked about bug things which are secret and much more important than anything we talk about, but we were all allowed to hear the secrets because everyone was happy. Then the bugs gave everyone kisses on the cheeks and flew away making bzz bzz noises.

Then it was my birthday and mummy and daddy gave me a room of my very own inside the house and not in the garden where I used to live. Their was a sign on the door saying Mary’s room because this is the name they decided to give me as it was daddy’s own mummy’s name.

Then we all laughed and laughed, but then I cried because I was the happiest I’d ever been in my whole entire life.

I woke up with A Plan about how to make mummy and daddy happy again. It would take a long time, but sometimes those are the best surprises because you have to wait and wait and then you get it and it’s really nice.

I dug the dust and earth away from my brood. Then-sacks throbbed and moved which is good because it means they are still alive. But not all the time. Sometimes a creature burrows into the sack and eats the babies and the creature wriggling around in the sack munching only looks like the babies are alive.

Munch munch.

But that is not the case here as I touched them all with my mind and they are happy.

It took me ten whole days for me to make my own sack. It is very horrible because it grows in my tummy and then when it is too big I sick it out and it hurts. But then I climbed inside and the wet edges joined together and Just Like That! I don’t have to move or feed from the air because my sack does it all.

I closed my eyes and my brood joined me and I started to work.

I wake up after many days. A hundred and a hundred and another hundred! My sack has split open and the wind rubs dust onto my skin which hurts a bit. But then I look and see that my brood has also wakened. They have all gone away except for one that I made stay because it is part of my plan. It is sitting in its sack looking at me and I laugh and clap my hands because balancing on the long neck is the face of Sara smiling at me. Her head is still too small and it wobbles a lot, which is funny, but I don’t think mummy and daddy will mind because they will have Sarah back and they will be happy.

I gather her up and run back along the dust because I want to give them their present as quick as I can run.

But I still wait. Because I want it to be a surprise. So I sneak in the house at night and take New Sarah to her bedroom. A Wonderful Surprise awaits me. Mummy and daddy have had another baby! Now we will be a big happy family. I put New Sarah into the bed with her sister and tiptoe back downstairs. (Although this is just a Figure Of Speech that means very quiet as I don’t have tiptoes.)

I wait in the garden and I shake because I am so happy. I put on my dress that I have kept clean all this time. I sit at the table where we will all have picnics and laugh and tell stories. When the sun starts to come up, I listen to the bugs, but they are keeping their secrets.

Then I hear a scream. It is mummy and she is screaming for daddy. It must be about something else though because it does not sound like a happy scream. Then daddy shouts and then mummy runs into the garden with her new baby. She sees me and starts screaming Samuel! Samuel! (For that is daddy’s real name.) I see daddy at the window then he goes away again and I get up and walk to mummy, but before I can get there, New Sarah vanishes from my head. It is hard to explain, but she is just not there anymore.

I wonder what is wrong because I feel all horrible and twisty and I want mummy to comfort me like she did Sarah when she was upset, but she is still screaming and so is the baby, and then daddy comes out and he has something against his shoulder. He screams for mummy to get out the way and she runs away and leaves me. I still feel horrible and I think New Sarah has gone. I wonder if the creatures that eat the sacks are in the house as well. I should tell mummy so nothing happens to the new baby.

Then there is a loud bang and I jump backward and sit on the wet grass although I didn’t even mean to! There is lots of smoke in the air and I try to catch it with my fingers, but it slips through them.

I think the run has left me tired because I can’t keep my eyes open. I decide I will sleep, and then when I wake up, maybe then we will all have lunch at the table.