I pulled back from her. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t lead her on. She was too sweet, and too pure. I’d already proved to her what an ass I was. No need to make it worse.
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“Making things right, I told you.” Only this time I really was.
“What if?” She started to ask something but hesitated. I thought she was going to try again, but the look on her face was strange. She was afraid to say it, or confused.
“Just say it Grace.”
She opened her mouth, but snapped it closed hastily.
“Say it.” I pushed.
“What if I want you to kiss me?” Her lips were moving so quickly that I barely caught what she said. Her eyes dropped down to the ground.
“You do?” I asked playfully. I wasn’t stupid. I knew she wanted me to kiss her. I could see it all over her. The attraction was there.
“Don’t make me say that again?” She smacked my chest.
Her innocence was truly the prettiest thing about her. It was like it glowed around her and made her brighter, and more beautiful.
“You’re so damn cute.” I admitted.
She blushed and looked up at me through her long dark lashes.
“I can’t kiss you.” I said, and a horrified look came over her face. “Don’t do that. Don’t think that this has anything to do with you, because it doesn’t. I want to kiss you. I want to kiss you bad, but for all the wrong reasons. I’d just be leading you on. I’d be pretending that this was something that would lead to something more, and it wouldn’t. I can’t.”
She started to reply but Kennedy interrupted. Grace took two swift steps back away from me when she heard Kennedy’s footsteps approaching. Her back was flush against the wall and her eyes were glued to the floor.
“I got an email from my professor and she agreed to meet with me, but she wants me to meet her super early in the morning. I’m sorry Grace. I hate to make you get up early, but I don’t have a choice. Looks like I’ll be taking you home at the crack of dawn in the morning.”
“That’s no problem. I’m used to getting up early.”
“This is really early. We would have to be up by five.” Kennedy explained.
Grace laughed. “Seriously it’s not that early. I’ll get up.”
“I’ll take you home.” I said. I wanted to.
“No, that’s okay.” She said, without even so much as a glance in my direction.
“I’ll take you home Grace.” I was more serious this time, and wasn’t about to take no for an answer.
Kennedy spoke up for her. “That’d be great brother. Then little Gracie here can get her beauty sleep.
Grace rolled her eyes. “Stop calling me that.” She giggled and so did Kennedy. I was lost, but sweet Grace was back.
“I don’t have to leave until ten.” I said.
“Okay.” Grace replied.
“Goodnight.” I said as I walked away and left the girls standing in the kitchen.
I walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind me. I threw myself onto my bed and groaned into my pillow. She was knocking all my damn screws loose. Every last one of them had come undone. I couldn’t function around her. I closed my eyes tight, and willed the sleep to come.
Please come.
17
Grace
I heard Kennedy get up and leave this morning, but I didn’t open my eyes to let her know that I was awake. I had been lying there for the last two hours careful not to stir and wake her. Sleep was painfully hard after my encounter with Jackson in the kitchen last night. I’d grown impossibly brave next to him. I had wanted him to kiss me so bad, but he didn’t. I pretended that I was okay with it, but I wasn’t. It only confirmed what I already knew. He didn’t want to be seen with me, or lead me to believe that he wanted something more. I’d have to try and find away to erase him from my head.
That was a task that I was clearly going to lose at.
I could have easily told Kennedy I was awake and let her drive me home, but instead I laid there in the bed pretending to sleep so that I could ride with Jackson. Sheesh. This was already ugly.
There was a light tap on the bedroom door and when I glanced at the clock it said 7:00 a.m. Some one else was up too. I smiled just thinking about Jackson being on the other side of the door. Then I wanted to kick myself for smiling.
I opened the door just as Jackson was walking away.
“I’m sorry. Did I wake you up?” He asked.
I shook my head no.
“I made some breakfast if you want something to eat.”
“You cooked?” I asked. I was shocked.
“Don’t get too excited. It’s scrambled eggs and toast. And if the toast happens to be a little dark and crunchy, and the eggs are a little rubbery, well don’t blame me.” He smiled.
Wait, did he say eggs? My eyes were so focused on his bare chest that my ears didn’t even register that he was speaking.
“Did you say eggs?”
He laughed and rubbed his chest. Clearly I’d been caught. He was the hottest thing I’d seen in person besides that Liam guy that was on the cover of one of those fru fru magazines that were at my local grocery store back home.
“Keep that up, and we won’t make it too the kitchen.” He turned around and walked away leaving me standing there with my mouth hung open. My feet were planted and I couldn’t move. Nope. No moving. They suddenly felt like they weighed a hundred pounds apiece. Why did he say things like that? I had a love hate relationship with that mouth of his, more of love, love relationship actually. I loved what came out of it, the way it moved, the way his breath felt against my face, and the way his bottom lip was so much fuller than the top one. Good grief.
It was just words Grace. Take a deep breath and pull yourself together.
“I’m just teasing Grace.” He called out from the end of the hallway.
The breath that I didn’t even realize I was holding came barreling out. He had never been that open with me before, granted his mouth got away from him at times. Even though it was the boldest thing a guy had ever said to me, I still liked it. I liked it way too much.
We ate our rubbery eggs in silence for the first five minutes. I barely even looked up, too frightened that I’d get embarrassed from his earlier confessions.
“If you want to get dressed, I can take you home when we’re done.” Jackson finally broke the silence.
“Okay.” I sat my fork down. The house was so quiet. “Where are your parents?” I asked. I hadn’t seen them and was hoping I’d get to meet them.
“My dad works a lot, but when he’s not working they take a lot of trips. My mom goes with him on work trips too.” He explained.
“That sounds nice. They must get a long great.”
“Yeah. It’s kind of disgusting actually.” He said, scrunching up his perfect nose.
I rolled my eyes. He must find that the act of love a disgusting thing. Not me though.
“What about your parents?” He asked.
“What about them?” I stood up from the table and carried my plate to the sink.
He stared at me from across the room. “I don’t know. Do you talk to them? Do they work? You never say much about them.”
“No, I don’t talk to them much. My dad is a farmer, and my mom is a housewife. She stayed home and homeschooled me and my brother.” I explained.
“Why don’t you talk to them?”
I eyed him from the sink. “It’s complicated.” That was as much detail as I cared to give.
“Were you always homeschooled?”
“Yep,” I replied.