“Wow, that’s crazy. I couldn’t imagine being homeschooled.”
“It wasn’t too bad.”
“I don’t believe you,” he said as he walked over and stood beside me in front of the sink. “No friends, and no sports.” He shook his head. “I would’ve been miserable.”
“Yeah, you wouldn’t have lasted a week.” I exaggerated. But it was probably the truth. I couldn’t begin to imagine what he would be like if he didn’t have sports or his popularity. “I’m going to go change and then I’ll be ready to go. Thanks for breakfast.”
“You’re welcome. I feel bad that you actually swallowed it.”
“If I come down with some horrible virus then I will’ve learned my lesson.”
“Ye of so little faith.” He held his hand against his chest above his heart. Gosh, he was adorable.
“Get dressed, would ya?” I stomped off smiling.
I am Free
We pulled up in front of the house and my heart dropped to my feet. There, parked against the curb was my fathers green pick up truck. I knew it was his. The same bumper sticker that had been on the back bumper for years was still there.
What was he doing there? Was he coming to get me?
“Please keep going.” I cried out.
“What?”
“Don’t stop Jackson, please.” I fought to catch my breath. I didn’t want to go back home. I couldn’t go back. I just couldn’t.
“Where do you want to go?” He asked frantically. He had no idea what was going on.
“Drop me off anywhere. I don’t care. Just not there.” I pleaded.
“What’s wrong Grace?”
“Just drive.” I pleaded.
I rocked back and forth in the seat, trying to calm myself down. I don’t know why I was getting so worked up. He couldn’t make me go. Or could he? The power he had over me was great. I knew that I’d be relentless against his words.
I was eighteen years old. I was legally old enough to leave, but he had such a hold on me. He held all the control over my life and I couldn’t stand it. All I wanted was to be free, and he wasn’t going to let that happen. I couldn’t stand up to him. I’d break down into a million little pieces, and he would see to it that the power was all his.
Poor Aunt Darcy. What was he saying to her? Would he hurt her? I tried my best to calm down, but I felt like I was about to hyperventilate.
We pulled up into a parking lot on the campus at the college and he turned off the ignition. My mind was racing, filling with crazy thoughts of what my father might say or do. That scared feeling I used to get when I was near him was overtaking me. I was back to being eleven years old. Back to being the child that my father scolded every chance he could. I’d hoped that I’d never have to feel that way again, but I was wrong.
“Start talking, because you’re freaking me out.” Jackson said as he turned to face me. He reached for my hand and held inside of his.
“Can I use your phone?” I asked.
He pulled the phone off the charger, pushed a couple of buttons, and handed it to me. “Just dial the number and then hit the green button.” He said.
I dialed Aunt Darcy’s home phone and waited for her to pick up.
“Hello.” She answered.
“Aunt Darcy, it’s me.”
There was a short pause. “Vicki, it’s so nice to hear from you.” What? I was confused. Who was Vicki?
“No, it’s Grace.” I said.
“Yes, Vicki, how are you?” She said the name again.
Suddenly it clicked; she didn’t want my father to know that it was me on the other end of the line.
“I drove by the house and I know that dad is there.”
“Yes, yes, that’s right.” She said in a cheerful tone.
“I’ll be back later when he is gone.” I said, rushing the conversation.
“That sounds great.”
“I’m so sorry Aunt Darcy.” I nearly broke down into tears.
“Oh no dear, don’t you worry about it. I’ll get those papers for you as soon as I can.”
She was a great actress. Even I believed her, and I was on the other end of her performance.
“See you later.”
“You have a good day too Vicki. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye, bye,” she said as she hung up the phone.
“Why can’t you see your dad?” Jackson spoke up again as soon as I handed him the phone. He wasn’t going to let it go.
“I don’t want to talk about it Jackson.” I opened the door and climbed out. I was going to spend the rest of the day walking if I had to, anything to keep from having to go back there and see him.
“Oh no you don’t.” He rushed after me. “You owe me a little more explanation than that. I’m worried about you. Whatever happened back there,” he said as he pointed to his car. “It scared me. I was worried.”
I stopped walking and looked up at him. There were deep wrinkles on his forehead where he was frowning at me. There was definitely worry in his eyes, and I had to tell him something.
“I ran away.” I blurted out.
He cocked his head to the side. “Aren’t you eighteen?” He asked.
I nodded. “I am, but I left my parents in the middle of the night. They had no idea I was leaving. I caught the first bus here, and I’ve been staying with my aunt.”
“It’s not running away when you’re eighteen. It’s moving out.”
I sighed. “I told you it’s complicated. Now please don’t make me talk about it anymore.” I begged.
“Okay, I won’t, but I’m not going to let you just walk around like your lost or something. Come on. Get back into the car and we’ll go somewhere.”
I didn’t have the strength or will to argue. He was right. I had no idea about this part of town and I really didn’t want to be wandering the streets alone. I caved easily. Walking back to the car, I climbed in and started to fasten my seatbelt. He leaned in the driver’s side door and gave me a curious glance.
“Do you just want to go someplace quiet?” He asked. His clear blue eyes stared directly at me. Quiet sounded like the best idea in the world.
“That’d be great.”
“Then unbuckle your seat belt and come with me.”
My eyes squinted in his direction for a moment, but I did as he said. I stepped out of the car and walked next to him as he led me around the side of a building. We walked in step for a little bit. I had no idea where he was taking me, but I didn’t care. All I knew was that no one was around, and the quiet walk was enough to ease me.
He led me across a long field of grass and up to a chain link fence. It was the back of a baseball field, a very large baseball field. I assumed that we were still on the campus, but there wasn’t a sole around. He sat down on a patch of grass and leaned his back up against the fence. Then patted the ground next to him for me to join. I gave him a small smile than plopped down beside him. Literally I plopped, as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders.
It wasn’t really. There were people who had it a lot worse than I did, than I ever did, people who would probably give anything to have my life. I was being childish, but I was holding out hope that once he couldn’t find me, that he’d stop looking. That he’d finally leave me be, once he realized I was never coming home. I wanted to stop having nightmares. I wanted to never think about home being anywhere but Aunt Darcy’s.
Silly, I know. But I could still hope.
I’m not quite sure how long we had been sitting there, but the day seemed to pass by quickly. I was lost in thought thinking about my dad, and how much rage he was probably carrying for me. He couldn’t take me away. I loved it here. I didn’t want to go. I’m sure people that ran away from their homes probably did everything imaginable, like scary unmentionable things.
I didn’t.
That wasn’t me. It wasn’t the kind of person that I was. I didn’t want to be free because I wanted more. I wanted to be free because I wanted less. Less hurt, less abuse, less guilt, and most of all less heartache.
I felt Jackson’s hand grab hold of mine and snap me out of the daze that I was in. He squeezed it gently. I glanced up at him through hooded eyes. “You hungry?” He asked.
“What time is?”