“I was on the phone earlier with Aunt Darcy. She said that my Dad called looking for me again. Darcy told him that she didn’t know where I was, and she still hadn’t seen me. It’s the same lie every time. Only this time, he told her that my Momma was sick.” I shifted in my seat.
“Should you call home?” Tucker asked.
“That’s the problem. I don’t know if he’s lying, and if he is then he’ll know that Aunt Darcy told me. He’ll know that I’ve been with her this whole time.” I explained.
“But you’re eighteen. There’s nothing he can do.” Kennedy said.
I’ve had to explain this so many times. Everyone thought that being eighteen-equaled freedom. In my world even twenty would be a prison. “I know it’s difficult for you all to understand, but he still has this unbelievable hold over me. It’s hard to explain, but it feels like there is the imaginary rope linking me to them back home. I can’t seem to cut it, and it haunts me all the time. Almost feels like I’m strangling to break free.” I looked down at my twisted fingers. I was trying to avoid eye contact at all cost. I didn’t need to see the hurt expressions on their faces. It would only make things harder for me to explain.
“Are you afraid of him?” Kennedy asked. It was the first time that I’d noticed how silent Jackson was being. He hadn’t said anything yet.
“I have been my whole life.” I admitted. “Growing up at my house was nothing like growing up in yours, like what you have here.”
“Why are you afraid of him?” She asked.
“Why don’t you ask me what you really want to know?” I looked at her seriously. I knew that she was skirting all the way around the subject of my back. She wanted to know what happened.
“Did he do it to you?” She asked with certainty.
“Do what?” Jackson finally added his two cents, letting me know that he hadn’t completely tuned me out.
“Yes.” I answered. “He hurt me, bad, and a lot.”
“The fuck.” Jackson said, followed by the rants of Tucker. “What did he do?” He asked me.
“He’s always been strict and mean. There was a strict set of rules that I had to follow my whole life. It wasn’t awful, but confining. I did what I had to do. I waited out the years I had to wait, and then the first chance I got, I ran away.”
Kennedy was shaking her head. “Your back… He did that didn’t he?”
“Yes.”
“My God.” She sucked in a hard breath and clasped her hand over her mouth. “I knew it.” She admitted.
“I don’t want to talk about that day though, okay? I don’t ever want to talk about that.”
“Just tell me what gave you the scars? Please,” she pleaded. I guess it was important to her to have all the pieces of my jagged puzzle.
“A rake.”
My blank stare ahead was all I had. There were no tears, and my heart was practically void of all emotion. I already suffered through it, long before this day. I’d already shed all the tears I could. I’d been angry, and afraid, and alone. I was done with all emotions attached to that day.
I found the look on Jackson’s face frightening.
“You should call him Gracie.” Tucker insisted.
“I’m scared.” I felt helpless. I was back to being that little girl running scared from her dad.
“We are all here for you. He can’t hurt you through the phone.”
Having them there with me would help, but I’d be risking everything. It would be the same as if I just went back home. He’d know where I was, and he’d come for me.
“I need to think about it.” I held tightly to Jackson’s hand. “I’ll decide what I’m going to do tomorrow. I want to talk to Aunt Darcy too. If I call him then he’ll be showing up at her house. I just gotta think.”
“Why are you so happy?” Jackson said as if that was a normal question. It confused me.
“What kind of question is that?”
“Look at you.” His free hand measured me up. “You seem completely oblivious. Since the day I’ve met you, you’ve been nothing but happy. How are you not broken?”
I let out a pent up breath. “You forget Jackson. I’ve had to deal with this my whole life. I’ve been angry. I’ve been upset. I’ve cried plenty of times. This is not me hiding behind my smile. It’s real. I have nothing to be upset about. I have a great life. No, I don’t have all the same luxuries that you guys have, but I’ve never had those anyway. I’m proud of myself for being so strong. I’m happy with who I am. Nothing about this life is bad. Absolutely nothing,” I reassured him with a smile. “If I dwell on the bad things then I’d be too unhappy to focus on the good things. I hate that I am going to have to face my past sooner or later, but when I do I’ll get the closure that I need. Until then I’m going to be me. This is me. I have an amazing best friend, a home that I love, and Aunt who loves me so much, a great job, and this family who’ve taken me in and greeted me with open arms, literally.” I laughed.
“And you’re an amazing person Gracie. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.” Tucker dashed me a gorgeous smile. He stood up from the bed walked around to the side I was sitting and kissed the top of my head. “I’m proud of you girl. You have more balls than any grown man.”
“Tucker,” I gave him a little shove. The word balls made me blush.
“I’m proud of you too, and I’m so glad you’re my best friend.” Kennedy said, as she pulled me in for a hug. “I’m going to the kitchen to get cake. Come on, you’ve earned yourself a big piece.”
“We’ll be right there.” Jackson said.
I cocked my head to the side, eyeing him curiously. I thought we were finished. I thought we’d said everything that needed to be side, or I rather.
Everyone shuffled out of the room, and there we were.
Alone.
He took my hand in his, and helped me stand up from the bed. When his hands reached out to touch the sides of my face, I closed my eyes. I felt his thumbs brush gently against my cheekbones, and down run down the length of my neck. I felt dizzy on my feet. I reached up and gripped his arms with my hands. Opening my eyes, I saw tears. His eyes were filled to the rim with unshed tears. They were so full, that I knew they’d spill over at any moment.
“Jackson.” His name barely left my mouth, before he touched his lips to mine.
I nearly fell to pieces under his touch. The tears from his eyes, slid down his cheeks. I knew, because I could feel them too. His kiss was light and better than any we’d shared before. It felt real.
Pulling back I looked deeply into his eyes. “Don’t cry for me.” I said.
“God I’m so sorry Grace. You’re the most amazing person that I’ve ever known, and you didn’t deserve the jacked up life that you were dealt. I’ve been so horrible.” He choked.
“I know I didn’t deserve the beatings. But I wouldn’t change the way my life turned out. I’m okay with who I am. Really. I’m okay.”
He rested his forehead against mine and released a loud breath. I knew that he wanted to say more, but it wasn’t going to happen tonight. I just wanted to leave things as they were, to go about the night as if I didn’t just spill my guts to them. I needed cake, lots and lots of cake.
28
Jackson
When you are given a great life, you don’t realize that other people might not have it so great. Maybe they’re living with demons from their past, or maybe they have nightmares because the abuse was so bad.
I’d taken for granted the good life that I’d been given. It was eye opening listening to Grace’s story. It brought me to tears to know that she was treated so horribly. She was smart, beautiful, sweet, and so innocent. It was wrong. Life shouldn’t be so hard for such an amazing person. It wasn’t fair.
When she went home this morning, I couldn’t get her out of my head. I thought about her every moment while I was in school, wondering if she was okay, or if she was going to call her Dad. I didn’t want her to go through that mess by herself. I kept thinking of how much better it would be if I were there with her, by her side.