When we’d shared that kiss at his house last night, I questioned all of my thoughts. It was important to me that I wait for sex until marriage. It had never even crossed my mind until Jackson came into my life, and now suddenly it was all I could think of. The curve of his shoulders where his muscles bulged out of his shirt taunted me all the time.
I told myself over and over that my body was a temple. It’s something my Mom told me when I was little. She told me never to forget, and I hadn’t. Maybe some things about my past were bad, but not everything. I didn’t forget where I came from or the good things I’d learned. I wouldn’t change either. Not for anyone.
When Jackson and I reached the house and I went to the front door I realized that it was locked. Her whole freak out session was all for nothing. She was probably rushing around like a mad woman, and just thought she’d forgot.
“I’m sorry you had to leave the bar. Darcy sounded really worried on the phone.”
He touched my lower back as he led me into the house. Oh, my back. He had to stop touching me. Every time he did, it felt like my body would explode. That couldn’t be normal. It couldn’t. I had to talk to Aunt Darcy about it soon.
“It’s okay. I didn’t mind. I’d rather be here with you anyway.”
And that right there had me questioning my sanity. He was always saying things like that. It was probably my lack of experience with guys, but certain things that he’d say made me want to kiss his lips. Like at that very moment.
We stood there in the doorway and it felt kind of awkward. I didn’t know what to do or say, and feared for the words that would come out of my mouth if I tried.
“Grace,” he whispered my name.
“Huh,” I replied.
“Can I stay here with you tonight.”
Whoa. Ugh. Fear. That was my only thought.
“No. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean.” He scratched his head and shuffled on his feet. “I didn’t mean it like that. Please. Shit!”
My pie hole was still wide open, as Kennedy would say. I didn’t know what to say. I could barely look at his adorable face.
“Let me start over.” He gripped his fingers around the tops of my arms. It took him a minute to breathe and think about what he wanted to say. I’d never seen him look so flustered. “I just didn’t want you to be alone. That’s all. With your aunt gone, I thought it might be a good idea if I stayed. Just in case your dad calls or something. I could sleep down here on the couch.”
All of his words were slow and steady like he was making sure that he didn’t miss a word to confuse me. It was funny actually, the way he talked to me as if I was five years old. If I’d had a newspaper or a magazine I probably would have whopped him over the head with it.
Right! Good time to use that swat to the head. I thought.
Without another thought, I swung my hand up and popped him. Not hard, but enough to shake him a bit. It must have been the balls that Tucker mentioned. I was getting gutsier by the days.
“Hey.” He stood there stunned. He couldn’t believe I’d just done that.
Truthfully, I couldn’t believe it either.
I held my lips together tightly to keep from cracking up, but it was too hard. Between his facial expression, and realizing what I’d just done, I couldn’t hold it in another minute. We were bent over and laughing our butts off.
“Come on, I need chocolate.” I laughed, and grabbed his hand pulling him towards the kitchen. It was bold of me, and I knew it. I never initiated his touch before, but he called me his girlfriend tonight. That’s what girlfriends did right? I didn’t think anymore about it.
“Sorry I was acting like an idiot.” He said as pulled me close in front of the fridge. “You make me do and say funny things. I’m not myself when I’m around you.”
“You’re wrong.” I pushed back the piece of hair that had fallen onto his forehead. “Emotions are real. This is real. I think that this boy or guy, sorry,” I smiled. “I think that this guy standing right here in front of me is the real you. It’s the person that you’re afraid to be. You would never show this kind of emotion in front of your friends, at least not the ones that you’re trying to impress. But your real with me.”
His head tilted to the side a little, and his eyes were brighter than before. They were so blue that the sky would be jealous. “You amaze me.” He said. “Where have you been my whole life?”
Oh, his words. They did me in. I was about to be the boldest me I’d ever been.
Could I?
Oh, I had to. My hands were shaking, and my heart was beating so fast that I thought it might leap right out of my chest.
I looked in his eyes. Then I looked at his lips. He was so beautiful that he took my breath away. Standing a little taller, and a little straighter, I leaned in and pressed my lips against his. I wasn’t gentle. I kissed him fiercely, making sure that he knew what his words meant to me. His warm lips against mine eased every possible worry that I could have had. He made me feel wanted.
When I pulled away, he didn’t pressure me for more. He didn’t take all that he could’ve possibly gotten from me, and it made me love him even more.
I loved him.
It wasn’t the way that I loved Kennedy or Aunt Darcy. It was so much more. This was deeper and beyond my wildest imagination, and I had a very vivid imagination.
In the short amount of time that I’d known Jackson, I’d fallen head over heels in love with him. I thought that it would scare me –this kind of love, but it didn’t. The love part didn’t scare me at all.
I remember very vividly a quote from William Shakespeare’s Hamlet that said, “Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love.”
I knew without I doubt that I loved Jackson, without one single doubt. Yes, he was the first boy to cross my path, but sometimes God got things right on the first try. At least that was my theory.
30
Jackson
She didn’t make me sleep on the couch, but I wished she had. As I lay in the floor next to her bed, I could hear her heavily breathing. Her hand had let go of mine once she’d fallen asleep, but I still held on. I was wide-awake, still thinking about that kiss. I had to be living in some sort of dream world. This was not real. No way in hell this could be real.
My phone buzzed a few times throughout the night, but after reading the first text, I didn’t read anymore. The guys were giving me shit about Grace. At least that was what the first text was about. I knew they weren’t going to let me off easy about it. What they didn’t realize was that I didn’t care, not anymore. In a couple of years, we’d all be going separate ways and none of this petty bull crap would matter.
I was daydreaming when I thought I heard someone knock on the door. The second time it sounded like someone was beating down the door. Grace didn’t budge. I let go of her hand, and slipped on my tee shirt.
Who the hell would be knocking on the door at this time of night?
The clock by the bed said that it was just past two a.m.
I fumbled my way out of her room and down the stairs where the knocks kept growing louder and louder.
“What?” I yelled as I yanked the door open with too much force. An older man with white hair stood there with a menacing look on his face. His eyes were pure evil as he glared at me.
“I’m here to see my daughter.”
Oh, hell no. This was him? This was the man that had beaten my girl. My chest rose in anger as I thought of murdering him with my bare hands.
He walked inside the door through the opening I’d left. “I don’t know who you are, but you better get her now.” He said.
I was about to protest when he yelled out.
“Grace!”
Please don’t come down those steps. I thought to myself.
“You need to leave.” I said sternly, but he acted as if I just blended into the wall.
“Grace!” He yelled again.