TEOREMA {CIRCA?} is a VERY strange movie! It’s about this GORGEOUS man {TERENCE STAMP, who I’m not that familiar with but do know had a marvelous comeback in PRISCILLA, QUEEN OF THE DESERT {{CIRCA 1994}} }. He seduces an ENTIRE FAMILY — the maid, the son and daughter, the mom, even the dad! That’s the ENTIRE plot and it is VERY VERY sick! Then he goes away and the family, who have each grown dependent on him, sexually and otherwise, goes BONKERS. The young girl has to be hauled away in a straitjacket and the dad takes his clothes off in what looks like a Europe version of GRAND CENTRAL STATION! Even Jabba thought is was SO crazy! The mom picks up this guy on the street and sleeps with him in a motel then drops him back off — he’s like a common street HUSTLER! — then right away picks up two more guys and they make love to her in a DITCH! I can’t believe they’re actually remaking this!!! I am trying, by hook or crook, to get hold of this latest screenplay version, maybe through one of the mailroom kids {ICM, of course} who come in for drinks — these kids are not to be sneezed at, look what happened to Mr. OVITZ and Mr. GEFFEN. According to VARIETY, TEOREMA will feature a WOMAN in the part originally limned by Mr. STAMP — a BRILLIANT frosh outing for ANY ingenue. Not sure which I’d be reading for: the visitor {originally played by Mr. TERENCE STAMP} or the daughter. I’m nervous because the lead role may be too demanding for my current skills, but why not shoot for the moon? Though they may demand a “name.” {Unfortunately, I’m afraid this role is tailor-made for LINDA FIORENTINO, the Comeback Kid! If I went up against Ms. LINDA and lost, I’d still feel proud — the best woman would have won. Now, there is someone who has been through the Hollywood School of Hard Knocks and it shows, in a most provocative way. {{I’m NOT being catty, Diary}}. 1985 was her year: from AFTER HOURS {{CIRCA 1985}} to VISION QUEST {{CIRCA 1985}} to GOTCHA! {{CIRCA 1985}}, she was a rocket poised to be launched. {{Did anyone see SHOUT {{{CIRCA 1991}}}?? I haven’t. She is supposed to have co-starred with TRAVOLTA, no less — and look what happened to HIM!!! A lesson for us all}} But that rocket had to wait until 1993’s NOIR blockbuster THE LAST SEDUCTION {{CIRCA 1994}}. If I could be given the opportunity for ONE such performance, I would rest my case as an actor and gladly retire.} {KELLY LYNCH would be good to team with LA FIORENTINO — they would be SO HOT together, making THELMA AND LOUISE {{CIRCA 1991}} look like a DISNEY!!}
Hello, Columbus
TO: SHARKEE@CLS.OHIO-STATE.EDU (STOCKER VIDRA)
FROM: DOLPH@AOL.COM (KATHERINE GROSSECK)
Your Sharkee-ness…
Burning incense in your absence. Long, hot baths, letting the water flow inside. Smiling to myself as I soak — my cunny smiles and when I dry her off, she winks. She declares the day you appeared unannounced at my door to be hereby christened the Day of the Dolphin. (I call it Columbus Day. Oh! Hi! Oh!)
Let me set the scene — again: I’d just gotten a massage and was about to start a fresh crying jag. Thought the sound of your cab was Gina, the masseuse (trailer park material, that one), leaving. Heard the key in the door and my heart along with it: fump-fump fump-bump fump-bump: fell into your arms and you took me, raped me, made me whole again. Fucked me so long and so hard I cried and came and cried for two long days and nights and only now can catch my breath I love you so fucking much, Vidra. I am at your mercy, beaucoup — wham bam, merci ‘dam. I will never do anything to make you question my love again; I won’t be flip about that — about anything else, not that. I love you unconditionally, there is nothing you can do to change that, I will be waiting in supplication, until I die. The bruises on my tits look like giant blue flowers, garlands for my vows. I wear the plug you gave me to meetings and lunches — and at home, thanking the messenger when he drops scripts at my door, thanking the world as I walk around with a dumbass smile, a Manchurian candida, shark fin broken off inside. I empty myself in the toilet only when you say…you have me in line, on-line and every which way: you control the horizontal, you control the vertical. Do not attempt to adjust your RoboCunt/zombie anus, your biggest chocolate flan. I am Sharkee’s machine—
Sight Unseen
Precious Little Beastie Boy…
Holly Hunter and Hassan DeVore visited today and the two would not let you go; I think some of those squeeze marks will be permanent. (They were in the first play I cast, eight years ago.) Holly and I were in tears — took about a thousand pictures. You should see how you look in Hassan’s arms: like the whitest of mushrooms growing on his chest. You are the Fat Sacred Mushroom from the Planet Zelda. Hassan brought a Blue Matrix mobile and pinned it to the playroom ceiling. He knew I’d hate it but it did provoke ten minutes of whooping-cough-like hysteria. Holly brought you the softest, fuzziest cub I ever saw from FAO Schwarz (we’ll make the pilgrimage soon, I swear I swear). We tried to name it and Holly said if you were a Rod, we could call it Rod Steiger (don’t feel bad, I didn’t get it either) — as in Rod’s Tiger. Ho ho ho. She’s funny that way, your g-thing. Instead, we named her Lily.
After Hassan left, I told Holly I was writing these letters and showed her some, and we cried some more. Don’t mind me; Mama’s a big wuss. Hol was telling me about a school for the blind she read about in The New Yorker—some famous Indian writer went there. She thought maybe it was in Alabama. Her assistant’s going to get us all the info. I dunno; it does seem a little TV-movie-ish. Hey, not a bad idea — could be Mama’s premier production! Who could play me? How about Amy Madigan? (I can just see the article in People.) I do like the idea of moving, though. No riots or earthquakes in Alabama, huh. Least not till we get there. Did you know Grandma Willy’s coming out to see you any minute? That’s right. She would’ve come sooner but she was so sick and now she’s all better. Cheese Whizikkers, you’re a popular guy. Holly even wants to show my letters to her friend, a big editor at Grove Press. Everybody wants a piece of my buddhaboy. Have to quit now. Jeremy’s home.
Goodbye, Columbus
TO: SHARKEE@CLS.OHIO-STATE.EDU (STOCKER VIDRA)
FROM: DOLPH@AOL.COM (KATHERINE GROSSECK)
Looking for production offices. Can’t get it straight whether Cat’s for-real on board but Phylliss is milking it for all it’s worth. More power to her, I say. I’m changing the name of my corporation. What do you think of Method to Her Sadness Productions — too pretentious? Pargita’s a hoot: you have to see Janie Wong when you get back (you are coming back, aren’t you?). I’d send you a cassette but I want to see it together. You’ll like Parg — she’s kind of a cross between Nora Ephron and Wim Wenders. Just kidding. Her favorite phrase of the week is “zero-wannasee”…as in “Do you want to go to the Batman screening?” “Nah. I have zero-wannasee.” She’s lobbying PJ Harvey for the Stranger, isn’t that too fantastic? When you’re back we’ll have Boys’ Night Out. With Harvey (no relation to PJ) and Holly practically set, we’re just about green — could start early as June.