Sight Unseen
Holly Dearest,
Wonderful having you here — Samson loved it so. Ain’t he somethin’? Hope this gets to you before you leave Wales. I think that’s where Jan Morris lives; she’s the glorious travel writer who used to be a man. Did you know I was there for my honeymoon? Wimbledon, then Wales…all that sand and Victoriana. Jeremy and I saw The Naked Gun at a theater there, can you imagine? Leslie Nielsen’s big with the Welsh.
I was so thrilled your friend enjoyed my letters. Ashamed to say I hadn’t heard of Stocker Vidra until you mentioned her but promptly ventured to Borders and picked up Bleek Haus. (They didn’t have The Brontë Reader and Other Novellas, the one you recommended.) I sat with my latte and read. Your friend has a beautiful style that is difficult to penetrate; I’m not the reader I once was. Which one of her novellas did you option? I loved the picture of her on the back. She reminds me of a young Germaine Greer, but more delicate-boned. Whatever happened to Ms. Greer? Maybe she lives in Wales with Jan Morris.
It’s fascinating she’s also an editor at the place that publishes her work — that has to be high on the list of writers’ fantasies! I’m flattered someone of her intellect and reputation could find late-night scrawlings to my dream-guy of any interest at all. Are you sure she isn’t indulging you, Holly, just a little? Because of the friendship you share? Her work seems so experimental and I’m wondering why she’d be drawn to something so…You said Vidra thought the letters were a potential “publishing phenomenon.” In the wee small hours, the ego starts primping and preening, trying on clothes for Charlie Rose; wondering if someone might please slip the galleys to Julia or Jodie or — yech! See how little encouragement it takes? Funny having the letters “out there” too — makes one feel a little nekkid…not the panic-public nakedness of a dream, though, at least I don’t think so. Sorry I’m being such a wet blanket, I really am thrilled, Holly, you’ve got to know that. It’s just that I hope the whole enterprise won’t be construed as, I dunno, morbid. What I’m really saying is, I don’t want to get self-conscious and start editing myself with an eye toward a Book. (See how nutty I am? The Sara Radisson you’ve never known!) Maybe I’ll keep writing on this parallel track and the book can be our correspondence intercut with “Letters to Samson.” Do you like that idea, Hol? You’ll help keep me sane. It’d make a neat little safety valve, if you’re game—’cause there’s so much I can’t put in Samson’s little missives…things only for you, godmom and galfriend true-blue.
How can I bear telling him his father doesn’t want to hold him? Dr. Mitch says I should let it go, that Jeremy will “work through it,” and I hope he’s right. But how do you “work through” abandoning your ball of butterscotch, your firstborn, your Life? And how do I “work through” his cold contempt, bordering on the sadistic? How does Samson “work through” all the crap Jeremy’s sending his way through the ether? He can’t help but pick up on it, as a sentient being — that he’s blind, Hol, makes him even more so. He’ll “work through it”…through the door and out of our lives. And I’ll slam it shut behind him. Why, Holly, does he hold sightlessness against him, against us? We don’t even sleep in the same room anymore. When I brought Sam to the Palos Verdes production office, Jeremy hid away in a meeting. I know now he is embarrassed, insane as that sounds! Oh, Holly, I hate him for this! You saw Samson! Is he something to be ashamed of, or stigmatized by? To discard with a wince and a shrug? The horror of it colors my life. But I will not let it. I cannot.
Sorry to dump on you — see, that’s what you get. A funny thing happened on the way to best-sellerdom: Holly got slimed!
P.S. I’m a free woman! I gave Warners my walking papers and Shelby said I’m in. Adios to the Vorbalidian System — up, up and away, warp speed! Isn’t it wonderful to be working together? Can’t wait for rehearsals to begin. Harvey Keitel’s back from Copenhagen, mid-week. Anxious to start working soon.
P.P.S. What do you think of the title Sight Unseen? Overused? And please don’t tell Vidra what I said about her writing; I really think she is an amazing talent. Too exquisite for lowly me to apprehend, that’s all. XXX OOO
Maps to the Stars
Kiv Giraux here. I’ve become embroiled in a minor soap opera at work. I share my shift with a girl named Ursula from San Diego. I think Ursula’s trying to be an actress but she never quite comes out and says it. She’s pretty but a little gaunt, reminding one of Sondra Locke. She has a daughter named Tiffany. I get the feeling Ursula is of a spiritual bent because of her frequent talks about camping trips and outings taken in the past with families that don’t seem to quite be Christian but have a New Age leaning. She’s encouraged me to go on a “study” weekend based on the teachings of a book of URANTIA that she brings to work and keeps in her purse. {She hides it from Rodrigo because he hates that, he’s probably the most UNSPIRITUAL being on the planet. Not that Ursula would get on a soapbox or anything, she’s not that way. She’s really very smart.} URANTIA, she said, is actually about the planets themselves and our relationship to them. There may be some UFO stuff in there and that makes me leery. It’s all very California — and very Hollywood too, by default!
Anyhow, all the mucky-mucks from ICM come in and that would include a red-haired gentleman named Donny Ribkin, who is, I believe, a veep there. {In Hollywood, VEEPS are as plentiful as actors and screenwriters {{sounds like something on a UFO: VEEP! VEEP! TAKE ME TO YOUR AGENT!!}}.} Donny is MUCHO flirtatious, which certainly isn’t unusual — ALL agents and lawyers are, with some more aggressive than others. Donny got a hold of my home phone (Rodrigo the manager gave it to him) and started calling at very late hours, I might add. He’s a very seductive man who has been through the ringer; his mother recently passed on and that really tore a hole in him. We talk for hours and sometimes don’t even say anything — or much, anyway — just like high school {don’t be jealous, Diary! I will ALWAYS luv only U}. He will be the first man I have dated in L.A. {if it comes to that and I still don’t know if it will though it’s pointing in that direction}. Trying hard to play my cards right and hope that doesn’t sound too contrived — don’t want to appear “available” and let me tell you, that’s a struggle! Donny is an extremely powerful man, accustomed to getting what he wants. “WHATEVER DONNY WANTS, DONNY GETS…AND LITTLE GIRL, LITTLE DONNY…WANTS YOU!!” When he said he could easily secure an audition for TEOREMA, I could hardly contain myself. {He’s old friends with its producer, Phylliss Wolfe.} And now, I must move my story along: I was having a drink with him at Dan Tana’s {no, we still haven’t done anything yet, not even really kissed} and suddenly, from out of the blue appears Ursula Sedgwick! And she is LIVID. It seems they {SHE and DONNY!!!} have or HAD something GOING and Ursula FOLLOWED Donny to Dan Tana’s from the agency — a bit weird. I didn’t like being put in that position at ALL, because I would NEVER have agreed to see someone who was still seeing someone—“as IF,” as ALICIA would say. According to Donny, it was a fling that ended months ago and I tend to believe him. It’s not like they were married or anything. The next day at work, Ursula wasn’t there and Rodrigo said she was sick. He didn’t smirk, so I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know what happened, unless Ursula the Sometime Drama Queen told him, which is more than possible. She can be quite the loose cannon. Ursula hasn’t been back all this week and I think she’s pretty much moved on to greener pastures. I hope she finds something even better, jobwise, for the sake of Tiffany — the child’s the part I feel bad about. I have no other reason to feel guilty, not that I even do over that because there is no just cause. Though the incident HAS left me feeling a notch on the scarlet side {AS ALWAYS!}. It shook me a bit but if that’s as choppy as the Hollywood waters have got so far then I have to count myself lucky.