"I'm coming!" I screamed. "Oh God! I'm coming! Fuck hard! Oh Christ Godl Fuck hard!"
And, in that moment of orgasm, I knew.
Sex was a means. A way to an end. I had been so afraid of getting old that I refused to acknowledge age. I had used my body as a time machine-a way to recapture the past my youth, the intensity of experience! It was as though I could regain my past my youth through sexual passion! As though sex would melt away years!
Fire cleanses, I knew. Fire purges. And I had to be made clean again! I had to settle in my mind who I was, and what my life meant.
Sex was that fire. The fire to burn away my fear and my guilt. A sexual catharsis through which I will suffer my passion, yet know in the end that I will find peace.
It was as though the very top-most layer of my skin had been burned away, and revealed underneath, a new person.
Wendy Allen was that new person. Not Carol Taylor or Elaine Marshall, or whomever it is that I am now! Wendy Allen!
I had to move from one stage of my life to another, An emotional transition. Whenever something moves, energy is needed to effect that transition. My energy was sexual. A burst of fierce sexual fire to burn away all the skeletons, the cobwebs, the ties that bound me to the past. It all had to go. I had to move to the next level of my life.
Sex was the mover. Sex was the means.
I can accept myself now, I knew. I can accept my birthday, my age. I cani accept what I have become, and what I have always been. I can go home now to Mark and the children. I am cleansed and free! I can love Mark again because I can love myself again.
I felt the fires of sexuality burning throughout my body, and I released myself to the passion of the liberating orgasm.
Sexual catharsis! I thought. That's what he meant last night when he said "I needed it!"
He was right I did need it. It was the only way.
I crushed my cunt against the cock that was fucking into my cunt, and I sucked hard on the one that was in my mouth. Both cocks began to come together, as though each's sperm were filling both ends of my body, each seeking the warmth that flooded through my middle. I jerked the two cocks that were in my hands, the soft and the hard, and I felt sperm splashing like boiling oil against my hands and fingers. Hands tightened around my tits, and I felt two mouths sucking body at my nipples.
I cried out in ecstasy as wave after wave of my orgasm exploded in my brain.
I could go home again, I knew. Go home to Mark.
I smiled inwardly to myself.
It would be a good trip.