“Yes.”
“You will die because of Aphrodite’s wrath?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve felt that wrath, Hock-en-bear-eeee. If she takes a whim to kill you, she will.”
Well, that’s encouraging. I say nothing for a while. There is a drone from the open terrace doorways on the city side. “What’s that?” I ask.
“The Trojan women are still entreating Athena for mercy and divine protection, chanting and sacrificing at her temple, as Hector ordered,” says Helen. She turns away from me again and stares down into the interior courtyard as if trying to find that solitary singing bird.
Too late for Athena’s mercy, I think. Then, without thinking about it, I say, “Aphrodite wants me to kill Athena. She’s given me the Hades Helmet and other tools so I can do just that.”
Helen’s head snaps around and even in the dim light I can see the expression of shock on her face, the pallor. It’s as if she has finally reacted to all my terrible oracle news. Naked, she comes back and sits on the edge of the bed where I am propped up on one elbow.
“Did you say kill Athena?” she whispers, voice lower than at any time since we began speaking.
I nod.
“Can the gods be killed then?” asks Helen, her voice so soft I can barely hear it from a foot away.
“I think they can,” I say. “Only yesterday, I heard Zeus tell Ares that gods could die.” Then I tell her about Aphrodite and Ares, their wounds, the strange place where they are healing. I explain how Aphrodite will emerge from that vat today sometime—how it’s possible she already has, since Olympos is on the same day-night schedule as Ilium and it’s already “tomorrow” there as well.
“You’re able to travel to Olympos?” she whispers. Helen appears to be lost in thought. Her expression has slowly melted from shock to . . . what? “Travel back and forth from Ilium to Olympos whenever you please?” she asks.
I hesitate here. I know I’ve told too much already. What if this Helen is merely my Muse in morphed form? I know she isn’t. Don’t ask me how I know. And to hell with it if she is.
“Yes,” I say, also whispering now, although the household is not coming awake yet. “I can go to Olympos when I want and stay there unseen by the gods.” Except for the single bird deluded to think it’s almost dawn, the city and the palace are eerily silent. There are guards at the front entrance, I know, but I cannot hear their shuffle of their sandals or the scrape of their spear butts on stone. The streets of Ilium, never totally silent, seem hushed now. Even the women’s chanting from the Temple of Athena has ceased.
“Did Aphrodite give you the means to kill Athena, Hockenberry? Some weapon of the gods?”
“No.” I don’t tell her about the Hades Helmet of Death or the QT medallion or my taser baton. None of these things could kill a goddess.
Suddenly that short dagger is in her hand again, inches from my skin. Where does she keep that thing? How does she make it appear that way? We both have our little secrets, I guess.
The dagger moves closer. “If I kill you now,” whispers Helen, “will it change the song of Ilium you know? Change the future . . . this future?”
This isn’t the time to be honest, Tommy boy, warns the sane part of my brain. But I speak the truth anyway. “I don’t know,” I say. “I don’t see how it can. If it’s my . . . fate . . . to die today, I suppose it doesn’t matter whether it’s by your hand or Aphrodite’s. Anyway, I’m not an actor in this drama, only an observer.”
Helen nods but still appears distracted, as if her question about my death were of little consequence either way. She lifts the dagger until its point is almost touching the firm white flesh under her chin.
“If I take my own life right now, will it change the song?” she asks.
“I don’t see how it will save Ilium or change the outcome of the war,” I answer. This isn’t completely true. Helen is a central figure in Homer’s Iliad and I have no idea whether the Greeks would stay to finish the fight if she kills herself. What would they be fighting for with Helen dead? Glory, honor, plunder. But then again, with Helen removed as the prize for Agamemnon and Menelaus, and Achilles still sulking in his tent, would mere plunder be enough to keep the tens and tens of thousands of other Achaeans in the fight? They’ve been plundering islands and Trojan coastal cities for almost a decade now. Perhaps they’ve had enough and are looking for an excuse. Isn’t that why Menelaus accepted the one-on-one combat with Paris to decide it all, before Aphrodite whisked Paris away? Back to this bed, Helen and Paris having sex in this bed mere hours ago. Perhaps Helen’s suicide would end the war.
She lowers the dagger. “I’ve thought of this self-murder for ten years, Hock-en-bear-eeee. But I have too much lust to live and too little fondness for death, even though I deserve to die.”
“You don’t deserve to die,” I say.
She smiles. “Does Hector deserve to die? Does his baby? Does lordly Priam, the most generous of fathers to me? Do all those people you hear awakening out there in the city deserve to die? Do even the warriors—Achilles and all the rest who have already gone down to cold Hades—deserve to die because of one fickle woman who chose passion and vanity and abduction over fidelity? And what about all the thousands of Trojan women who have served their gods and husbands well, but who will be torn from their homes and children and be sold into slavery because of me? Do they deserve such a fate, Hock-en-bear-eeee, just because I choose to live?”
“You don’t deserve to die,” I say stubbornly. The scent of her is still on my skin, my fingers, and in my hair.
“All right,” says Helen and slides the dagger under the mattress. “Then will you help me live and stay free? Will you help stop this war? Or at least change its outcome?”
“What do you mean?” I’m suddenly wary. I have no interest in trying to help the Trojans win this battle. And I couldn’t do it if I tried. Too many forces are in play here, not to mention the gods. “Helen,” I say, “I was serious about not having any time left. Aphrodite will be free of her recovery vat today, and while I might hide for a while from the other gods, she has a way she can find me when she wants to. Even if she doesn’t kill me right away for disobeying her, I won’t be free to act in the short time I have left as a scholic.”
Helen slides the sheet off my lower body. The light is coming up now and I can see her better than any time since I watched her in her bath the night before. She swings her leg up and straddles me, one hand flat on my chest while her other hand goes lower, finding, encouraging.
“Listen to me,” she says, looking down over her breasts at me. “If you are going to change our fates, you must find the fulcrum.”
I take this as an invitation and try to move into her.
“No, not yet,” she whispers. “Listen to me, Hock-en-bear-eeee. If you’re going to change our fates, you must find the fulcrum. And I don’t mean what you’re doing now.”
It’s difficult, but I pause long enough to listen.
An hour and a half later the city is coming alive and I am walking the streets, fully garbed in my usual scholic’s gear and morphed as a Thracian spearman. The sun has risen and the city is coming fully alive, with crowded streets, opening market stalls, driven animals, running children, and swaggering warriors breaking their fast before going out to kill.
Near the marketplace, I find Nightenhelser—morphed as a Dardanian watchman but visible as Nightenhelser through my lenses—eating breakfast in an outdoor restaurant we’ve both frequented. He looks up and recognizes me.
I don’t flee or use the Hades Helmet to disappear. I join him at the table under a low tree and order bread, dried fish, and fruit for breakfast.
“Our Muse was hunting for you at the barracks before dawn this morning,” says the portly Nightenhelser. “And again near the walls here this morning. She was asking after you by name. She seems eager to locate you.”