"Yes, I remember. The child, she might have been you. Instead, you survived."
"My father didn't."
"And how does that make you feel?"
"Glad. And uneasy, knowing I have that much hate in me."
"He beat you. He raped you. He was your father and you should have been safe with him. You weren't. How do you believe you should feel about that?"
"It was years ago."
"It was yesterday," Mira corrected. "It was an hour ago."
"Yes." Eve looked down at her brandy and squeezed the tears back.
"Was it wrong to defend yourself?"
"No. Not to defend. But I killed him. Even when he was dead, I kept killing him. This – blinding hate, uncontrollable rage. I was like an animal."
"He had treated you like an animal. Made you an animal. Yes," she said at Eve's shudder. "More than stealing your childhood, your innocence, he stripped you of your humanity. There are technical terms for a personality capable of doing what he did to you, but in simple English," she said in her cool tones, "he was a monster."
Mira watched Eve's eyes dart to Roarke, linger, drop away.
"He took your freedom," she continued, "and your choices, marked you, branded you, defiled you. You weren't human to him, and if the situation hadn't changed, you might never have been more than an animal if you had survived at all. And yet, after you escaped, you made yourself. What are you now, Eve?"
"A cop."
Mira smiled. She'd expected exactly that answer. "And then?"
"A person."
"A responsible person?"
"Yeah."
"Capable of friendship, loyalty, compassion, humor. Love?"
Eve looked at Roarke. "Yes, but – "
"Was the child capable?"
"No, she – I was too afraid to feel. All right, I've changed." Eve pressed a hand to her temple, surprised and relieved to find the headache drumming there was easing. "I've made myself into something decent, but that doesn't override the fact that I killed. There has to be an investigation."
Mira arched a brow. "Naturally, you can instigate one if finding your father's identity is important to you. Is it?"
"No, I don't give a damn about that. It's procedure – "
"Excuse me." Mira held up a hand. "You want to instigate an investigation into the death of this man by your hand when you were eight years old?"
"It's procedure," Eve said stubbornly. "And requires my automatic suspension until the investigative team is satisfied. It's also best if my personal plans are put on hold until the matter is resolved."
Sensing Roarke's fury, Mira flicked him a warning glance and watched him win the bitter battle for control. "Resolved in what manner?" she asked reasonably. "I don't want to presume to tell you your job, Lieutenant, but we're talking about a matter that took place some twenty-two years ago."
"It was yesterday." Eve found some hollow pleasure in tossing Mira's words back at her. "It was an hour ago."
"Emotionally, yes," Mira agreed, unruffled. "But in practical terms, and legal ones, more than two decades. There will be no body or physical evidence to examine. There are, of course, the records of your condition when you were found, the abuse, the malnutrition and neglect, the trauma. Now, there is your memory. Do you feel your story will change during interview?"
"No, of course not, but… It's procedure."
"You're a very good cop, Eve," Mira said gently. "If this matter came across your desk, exactly as it is, what would be your professional and objective direction? Before you answer, be careful, and be honest. There's no point in punishing yourself, or that innocent, misused child. What would you do?"
"I'd…" Beaten, she set down the snifter and pressed her hands to her eyes. "I'd close it."
"Then close it."
"It's not up to me."
"I'll be happy to take this up with your commander, in private, give him the facts and my personal recommendation. I think you know what his decision would be. We need people like you to serve and protect, Eve. There's a man here who needs you to trust him."
"I do trust him." She braced herself to look over at Roarke. "I'm afraid of using him. It doesn't matter what other people think about the money, about the power. I don't want to ever give him reason to think I ever could or ever would use him."
"Does he think it?"
She closed a hand around the diamond hanging between her breasts. "He's too much in love with me to think it now."
"Well, I'd say that's lovely. And before much longer, you might figure out the difference between depending on someone you love and trust and exploiting their strengths." Mira rose. "I'd tell you to take a sedative and tomorrow off, but you'll do neither."
"No, I won't. I'm sorry to have dragged you away from home in the middle of the night."
"Cops and doctors, we're used to it. You'll talk with me again?"
She wanted to refuse, to deny – as she had spent years refusing and denying. But that time, Eve realized, was over. "Yes, all right."
On impulse, Mira laid a hand on Eve's cheek and kissed her. "You'll do, Eve." Then she turned to Roarke and extended her hand. "I'm glad you called me. I have a personal interest in the lieutenant."
"So do I. Thank you."
"I hope you'll invite me to the wedding. I'll see myself out."
Roarke walked over, sat beside Eve. "Would it be better for you if I gave away my money, my properties, tossed aside my companies, and started from scratch?"
Whatever she'd been expecting, it hadn't been this. She gaped at him. "Would you?"
He leaned forward, kissed her lightly. "No."
The laugh that bubbled out surprised her. "I feel like an idiot."
"You should." He linked his fingers with hers. "Let me help take the pain away."
"You've been doing that since you walked in the door." With a sigh, she rested her brow on his. "Tolerate me, Roarke. I'm a good cop. I know what I'm doing when the badge is on. It's when I take it off I'm not so sure of my moves."
"I'm a tolerant man. I can accept your dark spaces, Eve, just as you accept mine. Come on, let's go to bed. You'll sleep." He brought her to her feet again. "And if you have nightmares, you won't hide them from me."
"No, not anymore. What is it?"
Eyes narrowed, he combed his fingers through her hair. "You did change it. Subtly, but charmingly. And there's something else…" He rubbed a thumb over her jawline.
Eve wiggled her eyebrows, hoping he'd noticed their new improved shape, but he only continued to stare at her. "What?"
"You're beautiful. Really quite beautiful."
"You're tired."
"No, I'm not." He leaned in, closed his mouth over hers softly in a long, lingering kiss. "At all."
Peabody was staring, and Eve decided not to notice. She had coffee, and anticipating Feeney's arrival had even come up with a basket of muffins. The shades were open to her own spectacular view of New York with its spearing skyline behind the lush green of the park.
She supposed she couldn't blame Peabody for gaping.
"I really appreciate you coming here instead of to Cop Central," Eve began. She knew she wasn't running at full capability yet, just as she knew Mavis couldn't afford for her to take any down time. "I want to get some of this business squared away before I clock in. As soon as I do, I imagine Whitney will call me up. I need ammunition."
"No problem." Peabody knew there really were people who lived like this. She'd heard of it, read of it, seen it on screen. And there was nothing particularly fabulous about the lieutenant's rooms. They were nice, certainly – plenty of space, good furnishings, excellent equipment.