“They’re memories. They’re something, and the rest is attached under the surface somewhere.” He held her eyes with his fierce ones as her tears continued to fall. “If you remember something, ask me about what you see. I’ll answer your questions.” She nodded before walking back within their home. She was hungry already, and she felt weak, but it was nearly two hours later after she’d bathed and he’d worked at his desk for some time that she finally started pacing the floor, trying to figure out how to ask him. She hated this hunger, not because hunger was so horribly painful, but because being dependent completely on another to satiate it was a vulnerability.
He watched her for a few minutes with all the seriousness of the world behind his eyes before speaking. “Are you hungry?” He was watching her fidget, and she wondered if he knew just how awkward and pathetic she felt. He pushed the papers he was looking over from him and nodded at the desktop in front of him. She sat, and he stood, pushing his body between her legs as her body froze and he watched her.
“Will I always be so hungry all the time? I mean, after last night, why would I be so hungry?”
“Last night you only replaced the blood I took from you, so you didn’t really feed. I’m not surprised you’re hungry.” He unbuttoned his shirtsleeve and rolled his sleeve up his arm, and when he held his wrist to her mouth, she looked to his eyes, nervous that he was watching. Her jaw was aching, and she could feel the teeth in her mouth as they throbbed. When he refused to look away, she finally reached for his hand and wrist. She was listening to his heart when her teeth sank in, and it sped up as she sucked. She could feel the coolness of the blood in her mouth, and it was oddly delicious. She understood her craving for it was part and parcel of this new life, but it was still difficult to understand how a taste she hated in life could be so commanding in death.
His gaze held hers for many seconds before they fluttered, and he groaned. He looked as though he was enjoying her mouth, and she recalled his own teeth sinking into her flesh from the morning before. It hurt, but after the initial bite, she could feel only his mouth on her skin, and it was nearly arousing. Perhaps it was the same for him, and as he sat back into his chair as she released him from her mouth when her body was once again comfortable, she was indeed right. He was fully aroused and straining against his pants. His gaze followed hers to his groin, and his brow flinched before he looked away. She couldn’t decide if he was embarrassed or pained in some way, and when she stood to walk away, he didn’t say a word.
She spent time looking over the massive collection of books that lined a stretch of interior wall, and as her fingers moved over one spine after another, he watched her. Every time she looked in his direction, she caught him studying her. There was a rolling ladder that allowed her to access the highest shelves that went all the way to the massively high ceiling, and when she finally plucked one from the shelf, she found an oversize chaise lounge nearby and settled in. Her body felt comfortable having fed, and an odd physical contentment flooded her, though her mind resisted the contented feeling coursing through her. She wasn’t ready to accept any of this yet, and regardless of the incredible feeling coursing through her body having satisfied her hunger, she was resentful. But why?
She struggled to engross herself in the book as her mind tried to study and analyze what she was feeling. She’d hardly given herself time to really look at this world and her part in it, and now that her mind had slowed, she was engrossed in only herself, with occasional flashes of him popping into her mind. Her life had been turned upside down, and it terrified her, and yet, she was still sane. She hadn’t lost her mind yet, or had any major mental breakdowns, which frankly she would have every right to. She wasn’t sure what she thought of the man nearby who watched her with intensity, and that was perhaps the most unsettling feeling of all. He was beautiful—even if terrifying. He was commanding, but thus far, he’d been fair and patient.
She didn’t have much of a life in Portland, and she hadn’t even started a career yet. So maybe she wouldn’t miss her old life. Was her career an option now? She had fallen in love with the youth shelter during her spring semester there, and while it’d left her quietly shedding tears after a long day there on more than one occasion, it was the most fulfilling time of her entire life. She no longer had any idea if a career was even possible for her, and that could definitely be the most crushing blow to this new life.
She’d never wanted to have children of her own but had always wanted to work with other people’s children instead. She recognized the agony her own abduction had caused her mother; it had nearly destroyed her mom emotionally, and she was certain it was this fact that led her to want to serve other children but never emotionally invest in one of her own. Her education and strong need to self-analyze left no doubt in her mind that her own life was being shaped by her past, likely even the parts she couldn’t recall. But the idea she might have to give up her dream caused a dread and depression to run through her body. But it wasn’t the only factor to consider.
Could she live forever perpetually? It was one of those questions always saved for hypotheticals in real life but without much seriousness behind it. She’d debated the very question in a philosophy class she’d taken, adamantly refusing to believe eternity wouldn’t drive a person to madness. But now she had no choice but to consider it. She supposed if her life was fulfilling, maybe she could live indefinitely, and again the question of her career and whether one was even possible came back to her once again. Quite frankly, she was glad she wouldn’t have to hunt or kill humans, and she wasn’t at all sure she could have done so if required, regardless of what kind of monster the human might be.
The more she thought, analyzed, and tried to wrap her head around this world, the more numb she felt about the course of her existence. She couldn’t quite cope with any of it at the moment, and she was resentful, but she couldn’t figure out why or of whom.
After some time of staring at pages but reading nothing at all, he approached and sat by her side. Her eyes met his, and they studied one another. She looked at him with curiosity, and he eyed her as well. His demeanor was harsh, but not cruel or mean. He just watched her with a stern and contemplative gaze. He hadn’t smiled at her once, but then, she’d given him no reason to. She was being hard on him and couldn’t seem to shake her harsh attitude. She didn’t blame him for what had happened. She knew he saved her life by bringing her here, but it was so unsettling knowing there was an entire life with him hiding in her brain. He knew her in ways she couldn’t imagine. He touched her body in places that would make her blush to consider, but she couldn’t recall exactly where. His body, the very part of him she’d eyed so invasively in the bathroom, had been fully within her own body, but she couldn’t remember it. And whenever she met his eyes, all the unknown intimacies and what they must have looked like and felt like plagued her. She was just plain embarrassed in front of him.
“I have to hunt. I’ll be back in a few hours. Please don’t try to leave. They won’t let you, and it will cause more problems than it’s worth. There’s a pool up on the top floor in a glass atrium on the rooftop if you get bored…”
He stood without saying another word and walked from the room. He was wearing a dark suit, and he looked incredible. His hair was brown and beautiful with his glinting hazel eyes. His body was lean and tight, and he walked with grace and control. She watched him leave, imagining what it must have been like to make love to him. She had no memory of making love period, let alone what the experience of him must have been like. She felt like there was a stranger who she didn’t know or understand living in her mind—as though she was possessed for a time. Would she ever find herself again? Or was the missing link in her life too far hidden?