17
Even the bark beetles didn’t bother me as much.
Stefan Novak. His named rolled off my tongue. He was nineteen years old. He told me that he and his sisters hadn’t wanted to be there either, but Smirnov was most persuasive. They were his sisters! I could have kissed him. I wished he had kissed me.
I climbed off my slats and rummaged in my bag for my atlas. Leafing through the pages, I reached the town of Kobryn. My parents once took me there; it wasn’t far from Zhabinka, and I wondered why fate had to bring us both to this place to meet each other.
Then Lodzia walked into the room and shattered my daydreaming. ‘Here,’ she said, handing me a sheet of writing paper and an envelope. ‘I thought you’d need these. Jusio cared for you, you know, but judging by last night, I don’t suppose you’re bothered now.’
‘Ah yes, thanks.’ I was ashamed to admit since meeting Stefan, I hadn’t given Jusio a second thought.
‘I’m going to fetch the bread; are you coming? I’ll go for the soup later.’
‘You’ll be waiting all day; she doesn’t want to get up this morning,’ Mother said. ‘I don’t know what the matter with her is.’
I didn’t want to queue for rations. It was so enchanting to lie here reliving every moment of last night. ‘Could you fetch ours too, Lodziu – the ration book’s on the table. I’d better write this letter.’
‘A boy danced with her last night.’ Lodzia tutted and left.
I closed the atlas, rested the paper on top, and sat for some time deciding what to write. I’d lost that yearning I’d had for Jusio, and it seemed to have disappeared overnight. Well, not even overnight – faster than that. It vanished the moment I clapped eyes on Stefan. I was sorry my feelings could change so quickly, but that’s how it was. I started writing,
Hello Jusio,
I have an apology. Since I hadn’t heard from you, it occurred to me you might have replied, and enclosed your letter within the food parcel itself. In which case, the postmaster, either here in Kholmogorki or back in Poland, had eaten my kielbasa, taken the pork fat home to his wife, and disposed of your letter. Now I realise you wouldn’t have known where to send it because I omitted to include our address. I apologise if I worried you…
I stopped writing for a moment and wondered in which area of the forests Stefan was working; perhaps he was near my father’s workstation. I thought of his powerful arms wielding the axe, his forearm brushing sweat from his brow. Oh yes, where was I? I continued writing:
We are staying at Shack 20, Posiolek Vodopad, Kholmogorki, Archangelsk Oblast, Russia.
Did you find Bookiet’s body, and what has become of our farm and the animals? Is anyone feeding them?
I doubt I shall ever see you again because the camp Kommendant told us this is where we shall die, which, judging from our diet, won’t be long coming. Three children have perished in the last couple of days. We are all so hungry, and the boat from Permilovo can’t get to us with supplies until the river ice melts. Please send food; anything will do; kielbasa and a big slab of pork fat, two if your mother can spare them. But if you write, send the letter separately from the food.
There, done. I placed the letter in the envelope, feeling awful having to beg from the boy I had betrayed with my feelings for another, but why waste the opportunity to remind him about sending food? I thought about my actions and then sealed the envelope, ready to give to Alina Zadarnowska to post later.
My next problem was figuring out how I would get to the Krasny Ugolok tonight because I doubted my parents would allow me out alone. I didn’t know if Stefan would be there. But what if he was? I was anxious he might think I was snubbing him if I didn’t turn up.
Mother said I could go only if accompanied, and I had to be home by nine o’clock sharp. I had already asked Karol if I could tag along with him and Natasha, but he told me to get lost. Lodzia was my only hope, so I had better be kind to her.
She returned much later with the bread, left it on the table and stretched out her hands to the stove. Once she had thawed out, she said, ‘I’m off to pick up the soup. Coming?’
‘Yes, why not!’ I reached for my coat. ‘I need to take this letter to Alina Zadarnowska,’ I said, but I waited until we were almost at the cantina before I broached the subject.
‘Lodzia, would you come to the Ugolok with me tonight? I so enjoyed it last night, and I have no one to go with.’
She half smiled. ‘No kohanie, I want to spend the evening with Gerhard; I haven’t seen him since five this morning.’
‘Oh, please.’
‘No. Sorry. Ask Karol.’
‘I already did; he said he’d prefer a septic toe to dragging me along with him and Natasha.’
‘It’s the boy you danced with last night, isn’t it?’ She tilted her head to one side, ‘You think he’ll be there? Marishu, don’t you think you’re a little young to be getting into romantic entanglements?’
‘No! I’m fifteen and three quarters. Some girls in Poland marry when they’re sixteen.’
‘I’m sorry; I can’t come with you. I want to be with Gerhard.’
I dug in my heels. Lodzia owed me. I had a mind to resort to moral blackmail and tell her the truth about the day I got lost in the forest. I refrained; even I wouldn’t stoop so low. Neither could I defy my parents. Anyway, Lodzia would tell Mother the truth, and then she would worry each time I stepped out of the shack, thinking I got lost in the forest. Back in Szpitali, I would have opened my bedroom window and shimmied down the Wisteria with no one noticing, although I’d never had reason to do so.
What I needed was a girlfriend of my age. Mama wouldn’t have any objections, and I knew how to get one. It crucified me to think Stefan would be at the club tonight. What if he met someone else?
After collecting the soup, I made an excuse to help Mother with the laundry at the banya, but I had a cunning plan. What I intended was to go to the steam bath, even though I detested sitting around naked. I noticed last time there were girls of my age there who were still too young to work, and I had struck up a conversation with a girl called Krystyna Ceglowska.
There was no sign of Krystyna, and I found myself by Mother’s side scrubbing the family’s laundry. It meant staying in tonight, but my hands looked better for it.
Success! Two days later, Krystyna was at the steam bath. She even suggested I join her and her sister at the Ugolok that evening, and I flew home to tell Mother I had someone I could go with and, I was already squeaky clean. I had never smelled so nice since I arrived.
What to wear? I hadn’t anything new, and couldn’t wear the same dress as on the night I met Stefan. Everything else hung off me. Strange, how I’d never bothered about clothes in the past; throwing on anything which came to hand.
Picking through Lodzia’s clothes while she was out collecting the rations, I found two garments which would suit.
My sister-in-law was happy to make a loan of her clothes, and Mother could hardly object to me going out with my girlfriend. However, she said, ‘Why can’t you and Krystyna visit the club in the afternoon, instead of in the evening? I don’t like you going out at night.’
‘Because her eighteen-year-old sister has to work during the day, and she likes to go out later.’ I amazed myself with my quick-thinking duplicity; what lies wouldn’t I tell to see Stefan again. ‘But it’s an excellent suggestion, Mama,’ I added, ‘I suppose I can still go with Krystyna in the afternoons when we’re bored.’