‘Has Lodzia gone to fetch bread?’
‘Hours ago; we let you sleep.’
‘What time is it?’ I stuffed my feet into my valenki, gave the horse a wide berth, and hurried down to the Vaymuga. Karol was leaning against the back of the shop, smoking a roll-up, one ankle crossed over the other, the empty boat tethered to a tree stump beside the riverbank.
‘Did they let you borrow that horse, Karol?’
‘What do you think? None of them do favours for anyone unless there’s something in it for themselves, and they think they won’t get caught. I had to bribe the overseer. Don’t worry. He’s not the NKVD; he’s one of the Ukrainians.’
‘Yes, but a horse, Karol. Does he wield that sort of power or did he first ask permission from the NKVD?’
‘Neither. I told him I’d be back last night. I thought Natasha and her mother would be gone by then, but she’s still here. That tells me she doesn’t want to go.’
‘You fool. Let her go.’
He took a drag, blew out a plume of smoke and stared out across the river. ‘I can’t. I love her, and she loves me. It’s that witch of a mother.’
‘So why are you hanging around here?’
‘I’m waiting for her betrothed to get into his boat and bugger off back to Permilovo. There are some home truths he needs to know. He won’t be bothering her again after he hears what I have to say.’
‘But your overseer must already know you haven’t returned. He’ll have assumed you’ve escaped on the horse, and already snitched on you. He’s responsible for it. You’re both in big trouble, Karol. They’ll shoot the pair of you.’
Natasha and her mother appeared carrying enormous wicker baskets, heading for the boat. Her betrothed, with a sizeable hessian sack slung across his back, staggered behind them.
Karol flicked away his cigarette stub, pushed himself away from the wall and faced Natasha, his expression imploring her to rethink.
She set down one of her baskets, rested her hand on her belly, and gazed back at him with a look that said, if only life could be different.
The hairs on my face stood on end and I turned to face him in astonishment.
Her mother grabbed Natasha’s arm and pulled her towards the riverbank.
She held back, ‘No, Mama, please, just let me gaze at Karol’s beautiful face one last time.’ She tilted her head; her lips moist and tremulous parted a little, her eyes brimming with tears, and gave him the loveliest smile.
I grabbed his arm. ‘Karol, don’t do this to yourself.’
He kept looking at her, willing her to stay while her mother dragged her away. Natasha gazed back at him, trying to disentangle herself from her grasp.
‘Get a move on!’ Valerik snarled.
This was such a shock. I left him then; he didn’t need me here. Instead, I headed to the Administration building to ask permission to speak to Kommendant Ivanov.
He was yet to arrive, so I arranged myself in the middle of the steps outside the cabin and waited. He would have to ask me to shift to let him in.
The rusting boat was pulling out into the middle of the river, and I tracked it until it disappeared from view. The Vaymuga, the road of the forest, looked stunning in summer; unlike in winter when it dragged by, its banks frozen halfway across. Now it moved with a vibrancy I had never seen, the surrounding forests nourished by melting snow, vivid and alive. Poor Karol. At least nothing so horrid would ever happen to Stefan and me.
He was back at the shack when I returned, making ready to leave for Volosne – Natasha lost to him forever, and I knew, in that moment of loss, his world must have collapsed. How could he bear it? He pulled me to one side, ‘Look, Marishu, not a word about – you know – the baby.’
He looked deep into my eyes, and I knew he meant it.
‘I don’t want anyone to know.’
‘Did she come to Volosne to tell you she was pregnant?’
He nodded. ‘It’s why her mother wanted to get her married off so fast, pretend it’s Valerik’s baby. My child.’ He shook his head, ‘I can’t bear it. I thought if I told him she was pregnant with another man’s child he wouldn’t want her. But I didn’t get the chance.’
‘What a mess; I am so sorry, Karol.’
‘Not half as sorry as I am.’ He kissed our mother goodbye and left the door swinging on its hinges.
Stefan called for me as usual at seven-thirty. ‘Fancy a walk?’
‘I think I’ve walked enough, don’t you? Let’s go to the club instead. I went to see Kommendant Ivanov this morning, see if he can help bring my father home.’
‘And?’
‘He was waffling. Said it will take time to get him transferred back here. They have to hand over all the details, make lists – it wasn’t his decision. If the saws need mending, they need mending. It was all excuses. I don’t think he has any intention of doing anything.’
‘So, what happens now?’
‘He promised to write to the other Kommendant. It was the best he could do. It takes time to find a replacement mechanic. Meanwhile, they’re working Tatta into the grave. It’s not only the chainsaws that are decrepit, but the conveyers, the transformers – everything keeps breaking down; he fixes one thing and something else stops working. We have to get him back home somehow. He gave me some money, so we’ll perhaps be able to buy him some better food the next time I visit. I’ll stay with him an extra day each time to ensure he eats more.’
‘You’re not going again?’
‘I have to, Stefan. He has no one to help him collect his rations, no one to wash his clothes. I plan to go every two weeks if Ivanov lets me; even if it’s only to boost his morale and take extra food. I’m sure you’d do the same for your father.’
‘And you’re prepared to do this? All that way? Alone?’
‘I’ve done it once; I can do it again. Fear is just a state of mind.’
Stefan let the matter drop. ‘Did your mother tell you, Sasha’s brother has escaped?’
‘No. How?’
He stared at me as if it were obvious. ‘He up and went; he followed you out of the camp. Sasha reckons all these deaths freaked him out. Simple as that.’ He clasped my hands. ‘We could too. If you reached Permilovo, why can’t we? We just have to walk out of here and follow the Kenga.’
‘Yes, and the NKVD were waiting. I had to show my Pass from Ivanov before they’d allow me to go to Tatta’s camp. It terrified me I can tell you. Being interrogated with a gun stuck in your ribs is no fun. Once was enough, twice too often.’
‘But the NKVD are only patrolling stations and towns. We can by-pass those.’
‘Stefan, don’t you understand? There is no cover. The railroad is just a wide-open gash through the terrain. Stations are open places; you can’t hide there or in the forest. The only way is to jump a moving train and it’s too dangerous. Anyway, I can’t leave right now. Please try to understand.’
He took a curt breath, raised his brows and stared into the distance. ‘And I respect you for that, but…’
I sensed his disappointment and dreaded the thought he might ask me to choose. ‘You could always go alone,’ I suggested.
‘Are you serious? I love you. I could never leave you here. What would my life be without you?’
24
The dreaded day arrived; my sixteenth birthday. Smirnov wasted no time summoning me to hard labour.
All visits to my father had to stop right away and none of us knew what to do. Kommendant Ivanov failed to return him to Vodopad, and the cruel Russian winter was setting in. The berries, mushrooms and brined fish I had been taking to Tatta nourished him and helped keep him alive, but now we all knew that without those – and adequate rest – he would not survive much longer.