“That second guy, the good one? He doesn’t exist,” Flynn said, standing. “The first guy is who I am.”
Izzy shook her head, dismayed by his refusal to sack up. “For such a badass, you’re the biggest coward I know.”
Sliding his chair under the table, Flynn speared her with keen blue eyes. “I know my limits, there’s nothing cowardly in that.”
“Your cowardice comes from hiding behind that first guy.”
He stood silently staring at her for what seemed like hours, but was in all actuality less than a minute. “You deserve better than me.”
Izzy laughed. “Is that supposed to make me feel better or you?”
“Neither. It’s the truth.”
Nodding, she looked up at him. “You’re right about that. I do deserve someone better than you. I deserve a guy who’s not willing to live without me.”
Lifting her chin, clenching her jaw and fists, Izzy strode toward him. His eyes widened. Oh, what she wouldn’t do for the honor of punching him! Hard. Make him feel something, damn it! Stopping inches from him, she stood up on her tiptoes and got in his face. “I only have one regret. Do you know what that is?”
He shook his head.
“I wish I’d never met you.”
His eyes darkened as his lips pulled tight. His only tell, slight as it was, that she had gotten to him was the slight acceleration of his breath pattern. In that one simple observation, Izzy realized he wasn’t made completely of stone. Sadly, it didn’t make her feel better. He had feelings all right, just not for her.
Running her fingers through her hair, Izzy shook her head. She needed to get out of here, because with each second that ticked by, she realized she was subconsciously giving Flynn the chance to change his mind. He wasn’t going to. Feeling gut-punched, she turned away. “I’m going for a run. If you insist on shadowing me, fine, but I’m going with or without you.”
“Isadora,” Flynn called as she walked away.
Shaking her head, fighting to keep calm, Izzy turned and put her hand up. “Don’t,” she said slowly, forcing her voice to remain level, “apologize for being you, Flynn. I certainly won’t apologize for being me. I get it. We all have our things. I just wanted you to know where I stood or would have, that’s all. It’s done, so just let it go.”
Izzy hurried back to her room, not giving him the opportunity to argue or explain himself, because it wouldn’t matter. She wanted something from him he wasn’t able to give her: the guts to try.
Chapter Twenty-five
By the time she closed the bedroom door behind her, Izzy couldn’t decide exactly how she felt. Hurt? Absolutely. Like there was a hole in her chest. An emptiness she couldn’t fathom. Rejection hurt like hell, especially after you laid your heart at someone’s feet like she just had. But she could take some satisfaction from standing her ground. She hadn’t settled for being Flynn’s fuck buddy. She wasn’t like her father or mother in that regard. She honored her feelings even though she guarded them like a momma grizzly guarded her cub. She’d end up despising herself if she settled for anything less than what she deserved: a man who cared enough about her to accept her good, bad, and ugly, who was willing to go all in. She wasn’t asking for the fairy-tale happily ever after. She wasn’t sure it existed. But she knew she wasn’t fuck buddy or mistress material. So she was back to where she had always felt the safest: Alone. And here she would stay.
Straightening, Izzy pulled the shirt over her head and unclasped her bra, tossing both onto the bed. She was brave, too. Stripping her pants and panties off, she gave herself a mental pat on the back. She’d taken a chance and lost. Damn if she didn’t take it. That was saying a lot more about her character than Flynn’s. He just refused to take one step in her direction.
Now she needed to find a way to move on and not continuously look over her shoulder. Choking back a laugh, she wondered how one erased feelings from their broken heart.
Izzy took a quick, cold shower and dressed in her running attire. Taking a deep breath, she grasped the doorknob. Rolling her neck and shoulders, she opened the door and with a bounce in her step she didn’t feel, she headed down the hall and then trotted downstairs. Flynn was waiting for her at the front door. He’d changed into a white, Dri-FIT tee that had the faded words Federal Property across the chest. The material accentuated each ripple of his chest, arms, and back. His black running shorts matched his black running shoes. Swallowing, Izzy wished there was a way she didn’t have to be subjected to his hotness in such an in-your-face way. His scent wafted toward her. Why did he have to smell so damn good, too?
Putting her ear buds in, Izzy cranked up her archaic iPod and stepped out onto the front porch, where she began her stretches. Taking her time, she didn’t rush through them. She couldn’t afford a pulled muscle in her line of work.
The slow beat of “Earned It,” came on, the song she had lap-danced to the night she met Flynn and his cronies. Closing her eyes, Izzy let the music sink into her soul, and as it filled her, she slowed the cadence of her movements. In her mind’s eye she saw herself dancing seductively for Flynn the night she met him. He had been so virile. So receptive to her. God, how her body had blossomed for him. There in front of his friends and later at her house.
He had made her feel things she never thought she would ever feel. Didn’t know existed. It wasn’t fair that he took all of that away from her! Was he a sadist? Her muscles tightened as she opened her eyes and caught his hot stare riveted on her. Smugly, she turned away from him, bending over and touching her toes, giving him a nice view of the ass he’d never touch again. When she stood, she reached high over her head, clasping her hands and stretching.
From the disruption of the shade behind her, she knew Flynn had moved closer to her. Turning she caught her breath as his chest nearly collided with hers.
He reached up and took one of her ear buds from her ear. “Flash that sweet ass of yours my way again, Pink, I’m going to slap it.”
Her jaw dropped. “You wouldn’t dare!”
“Try me.” It was a challenge she so wanted to take.
“And hand over the goodies?” She snatched her ear bud from him. Putting it back in her ear, she said, “Not on your life.”
Not waiting for Flynn to follow, she jogged down the sidewalk to the street. Once she hit her stride, she took comfort in knowing that Flynn was just two steps behind her. He could probably run circles around her, but he kept to her pace, ever diligent.
As the tension began to leave her, she let the music take her away. If she could have closed her eyes and just run, she would have. Running was the one place she could totally escape.
Her pace picked up. She wanted to run away from everything and everyone. From Flynn. From her life. Anger churned within her. Anger at Flynn for not being the guy she desperately wanted him to be. She hadn’t lied when she told him she wished she’d never met him. He’d totaled her. She didn’t know how to make the longing go away. With that truth, the truth about her mother dawned. Finally, Izzy got it. Now she understood how hard it must have been for her. To live under the same roof with the only man she had been intimate with. The only man she loved, would ever love, right there within reach, but untouchable. Except when he went to her. And her father had gone to her mother over the years. Giving her hope only to snatch it away.