Flynn.
“Go away,” she said, her voice so shaky she didn’t recognize it. Adrenaline pumped through her by the gallon. Her hands shook and she felt nauseous. She didn’t have the stomach for this cloak-and-dagger stuff and she didn’t have the stomach to fight with Flynn again.
“I’m not leaving until you open the door,” he said.
She believed him. Emotionally, she was in no condition to talk to him. She was drained. So much heartache in such a short period of time. She was so tired of feeling irrelevant. Between the adrenaline rush and the emotional exhaustion, her body began to shudder uncontrollably. If she could disappear from the crazy, close her eyes, and sleep for a month, it wouldn’t be long enough.
Yet, despite it all, the one person’s arms she wanted wrapped around her as he told her it was all going to be okay was the one person who had hurt her the most.
“Isa,” Flynn said. “Please. Let me in.”
Her belly did a slow roll as a fresh shot of adrenaline rushed through her. God, why did he make it so hard for her? Why was she going to open the door and make it harder for herself? Slowly she opened the door, and when she looked up at him, her heart ached for him. He looked as miserable and as broken as she felt. Closing her eyes, she said, “Please, if you care about me even a little, just go. I can’t do this, Flynn.”
Silently he stared down at her. Frustration swelled, but she forced it down. He wasn’t going to get to her again. No more. She attempted to push the door shut, but he stiff-armed the door, stopping her.
“Why are you here?” she asked.
He looked past her as if he suspected her of having someone in her room.
“Really, Flynn, do you think so little of me?”
He continued to stand silent, staring at her. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say he was afraid of something. But that was impossible. Special Agent Flynn Ryker wasn’t afraid of anything. He’d proved that when he handled Andre earlier. She was still amazed at how swiftly he’d reduced the giant to a writhing pile of Russian gruel. So again she asked him, “Why are you here?”
Seeming at a loss for words, he simply said, “I don’t know.”
The thud of her heart as she watched him struggle with some inner demon made it difficult to breathe.
“I—can’t—” Raking his fingers through his hair, he looked straight at her. His blue eyes had darkened dramatically. “Nothing has been the same since you walked into my life.” He dropped his hands to his sides, and stood humbly before her. “Everything is wrong with it since you walked out of it. I can’t stay away.”
It was an admission that cost him by exposing his weakness. Weakness, to a proud man like Flynn, must be terrifying. Izzy’s chest tightened as she tried to breathe. She gripped the door so tightly, her fingernails dug into the paint. When she thought she could speak and her voice wouldn’t tremble, she finally said, “I let you inside me physically and emotionally and you disrespected that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“So what are we going to do about that?”
“I don’t know,” he said hoarsely.
Izzy’s heart swelled with emotion for him. Every fiber of her being wanted to wrap her arms around him, press his head to her heart, and tell him it would be okay. But she couldn’t. She wanted more than his admission that he couldn’t stay away from her.
“What do you want, Flynn?”
“You.”
“What parts?”
“All of them.”
Izzy’s heart thumped painfully. “What are you willing to do for that privilege?”
“Anything I have to.”
Stepping back into the room, she motioned him in. “Then I think we have some things to talk about.”
When he walked past her, she closed the door, locking it.
Tightening the sash around her robe, she moved to the edge of the bed and sat down to face Flynn, who stood gazing out the window.
“Flynn?” she said softly, prompting him to talk to her.
He turned around and she held her breath. He looked like he’d lost his best friend. Was he having second thoughts? Just the thought of it made her sick to her stomach. There were no guarantees, was it right to expect them?
“Hurt me with the truth, Flynn, I can take it. Please respect me enough not to lessen the sting with a lie.”
Swiping his hand across his chin, he looked hard at her, and then said, “I admit I have a problem with the fact that some of my friends and coworkers have seen you half naked. And yes, I’d give my right nut for you not to go back to the club for any reason.” He shook his head and looked to the ceiling before looking back her. “But that’s not why I’ve been such an ass, Isa.” He stepped toward her, and knelt before her. Taking her hands, he said, “When Stiles offered you money in public and I saw what it did to you—it tore me up. I just wanted to tear him apart for hurting you like that. It scared the hell out of me that one; I could feel that and two; I had no clue what to do with it. I still don’t.”
“Are you afraid of your feelings for me?”
“Terrified.”
“Why?”
“Because just the thought of losing you makes me sick to my stomach.” He dropped his head to their clasped hands.
“I didn’t think you were afraid of anything.”
Raising his head, he tightened his jaw. “The other night, Pink,” he rasped, emotion clogging his throat, “when I saw your kitchen door open, I about lost it. I knew someone had breached your house. I knew what they were there for. I couldn’t bear the thought of you being hurt. Or worse. That fear will haunt me for as long as you’re alive.” He shook his head. “After you left my house, I went into your room and it hit me how empty it was. How empty I felt. It scared me, too. Feeling that way. I don’t want to feel that way. Ever. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“So at your core, you’re really a wuss?” she asked, smiling, trying to lighten the intensity of the conversation.
“Yeah, a big, fat, scaredy-cat wuss.”
Izzy straightened. “So you’re not embarrassed by me?”
“Hell no.”
“And you have no problem taking me out in public?”
“None.”
“No problem taking me to events or social gatherings where some of your friends and or coworkers who were at the bachelor party will also be in attendance.”
“No.”
“You’re a liar.”
“I told you, it bothers me. More than a lot. But I’m not embarrassed by you. I’d be proud to have you on my arm. The guys I work with know better than to be disrespectful to you or give me a hard time.”
“What about their women?”
“It’ll be what it’ll be, Isa. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
Sliding her hands from his, she moved back on the bed and sat yoga style. “All of that aside, you’re afraid of losing me?”
“Terrified.”
“But Flynn, there are no guarantees. What if, I don’t know, things didn’t work out for one of us?”
“We try very hard to make that not happen.” Grasping her hands again he said, “Look, I am who I am. You are who you are. I promise not to allow my fear to control my actions. I want you to fly, Isa, I want to fly alongside you. But I’m going to need some patience along with a huge learning curve to get started.”
“I need you to promise not to walk away from me when things get hard.”
“I want the same promise from you, because I’m not an easy man.”
“You’re a grumpy man.”
“Tiny dancer, I’ve never done this before, I’m afraid I’ll fuck it up. Throw me a bone.”
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll fuck it up a time or two. But I like a challenge.”
“So you’re in?”
“Yeah, I’m in.”
“Good answer,” he said, pushing her back into the mattress.
Lowering his lips to hers, he said, “Since we’re being honest with each other, tell me why you ran away after your orgasm?”