“Yeah, me too.” Jenny didn’t sound surprised. “Once, I had to get this shot. A really big one ’cause I fell and there was this rusty can right there. Mom said I bled like a stuck pig.”
“Really? I never saw a stuck pig.”
Birch bark had left white streaks down her jeans and when she brushed her hood back, a chalky smear of white appeared on her temple and forehead, as well. Tonya had braided her hair as promised, and added a bead and feather frill to the plait beside her ear. She looked like an elf in the middle of some night-forest ritual. The thought gave me an urge to cross myself, something I hadn’t felt in years.
“Mom said it was a lot of blood. The shot was huge and I was scared, so the doctor was like holding my arm, really tight, and then Mom said ‘Jenny?’ and pinched my leg really hard.”
“What’d you do?”
“Said ‘ow.’”
Conversations with eight-year-olds can be very Zen.
“Right. Why’d your mom pinch you?”
“She said it’s impossible to feel more than one pain at a time.” Jenny bumped me with her shoulder as we walked along. “Do you think that’s really true?”
“Impossible to feel more than one pain at a time?” Un-fucking-likely. “Your mom was the nurse, she should know.” My skin started to prickle. “Why’re you asking?”
“Just thinking,” she answered and wouldn’t look me in the eye.
We passed under the red twinkle of lights and into the cool glare of the television.
Jenny froze, mesmerized by the screen. My hand floated over her head and settled between her shoulders near the top of her spine as if we were caught in slow-pause.
No pinch could camouflage what she felt. What Rachel felt. What we all felt.
I patted her gently instead. The words echoing back to me, it’s all connected.
7:51:43 p.m.
“My mom used to take me to work with her all the time,” Jenny called to her aunt from the back seat.
It was dark outside. The radio was off. Aunt Maddy turned it off. She was trying to think. Jenny was trying not to think. The car door was too cold to lean on. Jenny’d packed her pillow and her Nintendo and her softie pig in her backpack, but Aunt Maddy had put everything in the trunk.
“Used to take you to work, huh?” her aunt repeated eventually.
“Yeah. It was fun. There were machines with food and ice cream and stuff. And a cafeteria, too.” Jenny looked out the window. At a stop light, the pretty lady in the car next to them smiled at her. It was so surprising Jenny didn’t smile back quick enough; the light changed and the lady drove away.
“Sounds like an Ainsley Prescott tour.”
“Huh?”
“Nothing.”
“How long do you have to work?” Jenny asked.
“We’ll see.”
“Do you like work?”
“Yeah.”
Jenny was quiet after that. She picked her finger and bit the skin next to the nail. Nobody ever told her not to anymore, so all her fingers had rough spots that were good for catching between her front teeth. Aunt Maddy didn’t like to talk. She liked to ask questions. She liked to listen sometimes and watch people. She wasn’t too chatty, though.
The TV station was far away in an empty place. The antenna had a red light that Jenny could see. Slowly, they got closer.
“I got to ride in an ambulance once. When I went to meet my mom at work,” she mentioned. “It was a special deal.”
“Really?”
Jenny could tell she didn’t care. She bit her thumb skin until she felt a warm prickle of blood. It never hurt when she made it bleed. Sometimes it hurt later though. Lots of things were like that.
Aunt Maddy parked and popped the trunk. Jenny felt better when she had her backpack in her hands.
“I want to carry it,” she said. “Don’t put it in the trunk any more. Please.”
“Sure, Jen, whatever,” her aunt said.
Inside the station was actually not so bad. No weird people. All the lights were on, so it wasn’t scary. And there were TVs everywhere. Every room had one; some had more than one. The editing room where Aunt Maddy had to do her work had a whole mess of them, but they were all mini-sized.
“Come on.” Her aunt led the way down the hall. Jenny hurried to keep up. “There’s a couch in the break room and a VCR. You can watch a movie.”
“Where are you going to be?”
The break room had a cabinet with snacks next to the fridge. Her aunt grabbed a package of popcorn. “I’ll be in the editing room. Where I just showed you.”
“Can’t I watch in there with you?” Jenny asked. The couch looked pretty scuzzy.
“No.” Maddy slammed the microwave door and hit the power button. “You’ll be fine here, kiddo. I’ll be right down the hall.”
Jenny didn’t answer. Her heart started beating really hard, like she’d been running a monster lap in gym.
Aunt Maddy fumbled around with the video. The preview started and the familiar music helped Jenny catch her breath. She looked over at the screen and nodded.
“Look, the faster I get to work, the sooner we can go home. Here’s the popcorn. I’m right down the hall. Okay?”
“Okay.” She repeated the word because it was what her aunt wanted and sometimes if you did what a grownup wanted for a while, they would give in and do what you wanted for once.
Jenny didn’t watch her leave, but she did slip over to the doorway and peek down the hall to be sure which room her aunt was going into.
The previews ended and the movie started. Jenny went to the couch and let the story take her mind away. She’d watched it almost every day since her mother was gone. The girl in the story didn’t even have a mother. Sometimes Aunt Maddy said, “This one? Again?” but she never made her choose something else.
Jenny hadn’t been watching very long when she heard voices, loud voices. She hit the pause button and listened.
“…and I don’t have time to play any fucking sales games tonight, Schmed. I’m working here.”
Jenny’s face got hot. That was the baddest word there was. She’d only heard it in school twice. She went over to the doorway, backpack in hand, and tucked herself into the door jamb close enough to hear and see what was happening.
A tall man was talking. “…like I’m not? It’s practically my office you’re getting.”
“Get over it.”
He snorted before he spoke again. “All I’m asking is you go talk to him. Is that too much to ask? A little cooperation between departments.”
“Take it up with Gatt.” Her aunt sounded more than angry. She sounded mean.
“Fine. I will.”
The man stepped out of the room and looked up the hall. His clothes reminded Jenny of this one neighbor on the block who was always playing golf.
When he caught her watching, Jenny froze.
“Hello? Who’s this?” he called out. His voice was icky-happy. “You have a kid with you, O’Hara?”
Aunt Maddy came back into the hall. She turned toward Jenny with a look that meant everything all right? “Yeah. She’s with me. Come here, Jenny.”
Jenny walked slowly at first, then faster, up the hall. She kept her eyes on the man as she slid in beside her aunt.
“Jenny, this is Mr. Schmed. He works at the television station.” Her aunt sounded angry.
“Hi there, honey.” He smiled a big white grin at Jenny. His eyes creeped her out, even more than his teeth. “You’re working late, aren’t you?”
Jenny didn’t say anything. She tried to smile but her lips felt too stiff.
“Pretty girl, O’Hara. You should put her on TV,” he said.
“You’re just full of good ideas tonight aren’t you, Jim?” Aunt Maddy answered. She put her arm around Jenny and directed her into the little editing room. “Nice chatting with you. I’m going back to work now.”
“We’ll talk Monday, O’Hara. After I see Gatt.”
“Great,” she said, but Jenny could tell she was lying. Maddy shut the door and added, “Bite me.”