"But the sample..." Hallin argued, knowing how Luke hated the drug.
He shook his head decisively, "We know she has it now. We can always go back and get the drug Nathan - when we're better prepared; when we can disguise the loss, replace it with a duplicate - replace them all, even. This is bigger than my discomfort at being..."
Luke was interrupted by a knock at the door as Reece entered, eyes flashing around and coming to rest on the vial in Luke's hand, his recognition immediate. "Jade is in Navigation, checking the logs to be sure the system scrub is in effect, Commander. Apparently you sent her there."
"Did you speak to her?"
"No Sir; but I know the second array 'tech there; I contacted him directly and asked him what she was doing."
Luke handed the vial over to Reece, "Damage control; these need to go back to her room, and I need any trace that Nathan was in there removed. On the security logs too."
Reece only nodded, knowing better than to ask questions right now, understanding instantly the tight schedule they were on.
Hallin reached out to gather up the other vials - they would have to remove his fingerprints anyway - and glanced to Reece as he turned to the door; "One second- just one second please?"
Glancing back to Luke, who nodded slightly, Wez turned and left.
"Whatever it is it can wait, Nathan."
"This is important."
Luke sighed and collapsed back slightly, knowing already what Nath would say.
Hallin stepped forward, keeping his voice quiet. "I wonder whether... in view of the fact that Mara is still carrying these vials and so must be prepared to use them if instructed to do so by the Emperor..."
"Get to the point." Luke cut in tersely.
"Whether..." Hallin was as dogged and un-derailable as ever, "It's perhaps time to... re-evaluate you relationship with Commander Jade."
Luke didn't speak, didn't meet Nathan's eyes, his temper slowly rising as the realization of Mara's actions hit home. Unknowing, Nathan pushed onward, voice calm but purposeful.
"She told you she no longer carried them and you believed her. Without looking for further proof, you believed her. I wonder if... perhaps this particular game has gone far enough. I think you'll find..."
Luke rose, hands banging against he desk as he did so. It wasn't Hallin's words - they were nothing he hadn't said before. Still, the warring emotions that snapped at Luke's heels from Mara's latest betrayal were surprising in their intensity- and Hallin was pushing too far in the wrong moment.
"Don't lecture me- don't stand behind the safe obscurity of your anonymous little life and lecture me on rational decisions Hallin. When you've stood here- when you've lived this existence, always on the offensive, always under attack, you can..." He broke off in the face of Nathan's passive acceptance, the explosion over almost a quickly as it had begun, Luke's face falling to rueful regret.
Nathan sighed without animosity, knowing the knife-edge his friend had walked on for so long.
"Forgive me," Nathan said with feeling, looking down, "But... you are risking everything for something which at the end of the day, is quite impossible. And every single day that you continue, you place yourself at greater risk. You know that yourself - you've told me so. She will never be what you want her to be, she will never be trustworthy. As long as the Emperor is alive, she'll put her loyalty to him first... and as long as she's willing to do that, she's a risk. To your plans, to your allies... and to you." Hallin opened his hand, the vials chinking apart, "This is the reality- this is the truth; the limits of her fidelity. I'm sorry but..."
Hallin trailed to silence, tone and sense genuinely apologetic, and his words, gently spoken, held the power to cut through all of Luke's denials, cold reality knocking the air from his lungs in a rush. Abruptly Luke comprehended what he was doing- what he was asking those around him to do. He was gambling everything, not just is own neck, but those who already risked so much to support him- for what?
Because he didn't know anymore; he didn't know where the lies stopped. His stormy relationship with Mara had always been little more than a brittle truce, an uneasy compromise whose borders were marked by his knowledge of her loyalties. Now it wasn't even that- now it was at best a wilful denial; at worst a dangerous lie, manipulation in its coldest form.
If she held these vials... if?.. if!
She had the vials; she had lied- what was there left to trust? The real deception here was the one he had willingly created for himself, and if it had been only him at risk then perhaps he would have still closed his eyes...
"You should end this." Hallin stated quietly, and Luke knew that unlike his father, Nathan spoke only out of concern, "It's become too dangerous-a game."
"I know."
Hallin nodded once in silence, then turned and left.
.
Alone, Luke stood absolutely still for a long time, trying not to think... knowing the truth;
She would betray him.
The vials were nothing- nothing at all. Whatever she was going to do, it hadn't happened yet. It hung, hulking, like a dense dark knot, like a black hole in the Force, impenetrable, unstoppable, dragging everything in about it. Nothing escaped its influence; nothing. Not him, not her, no-one. Its consequences radiated outwards changing everything...
How, he didn't yet know; past that single point, everything was darkness. There was nothing. Oblivion... would that be so bad?
Because he felt helpless to stop himself; despite everything he still wanted to trust her- wanted her close.
Again his father's words, spoken so long ago, whispered in the face of this one, crushing truth. 'You cannot be close to another- you cannot allow another to be close to you. Failure is inevitable and the consequences will spiral from your control.'
"I am not you." Luke whispered, less sure by the day.
.
.
.
When Mara knocked quietly and entered Luke's quarters onboard the Patriot that night, it was to find him still dressed despite the late hour, sat at the circular table beneath the row of wide viewports, a pack of chipcards in his hand.
"Still up?" she asked, slipping in and closing the door.
"Waiting for you." he said simply without smiling, tapping the cards restlessly against the table.
Mara glanced at them then back to Luke, curious at his temperament, though it was nothing she could put her finger on. "Well that's handy, 'cos here I am."
She bent over, running her fingers through his long hair to push it back as she leant in to kiss him on the forehead before flopping down on the chair opposite. "So I guess we can go to bed now."
"I'm not tired yet. Play sabacc with me."
"I'm way too tired to play sabacc- especially with you." Mara said easily, "Come to bed. If you're not tired we'll think of something."
Luke glanced up, mismatched eyes momentarily amused... but he didn't give. "A few games. We never play anymore."