Hayes winced and loosened her fingers. “Don’t do that.”
“Sowwy.” She frowned.
Before she could get too upset he took off running, holding on tight to her, and her giggles trailed behind her.
Beside me Arden shook her head. “It’s the craziest thing. Normally Mia hates strangers, so I don’t know what it is about him that she likes so much.”
“He’s a nice guy,” I supplied.
“I suppose so.” She shadowed her eyes with a hand to her forehead as she watched Hayes and Mia in the ocean. He was holding her now, barely dipping her toes into the water. She giggled and her legs flailed wildly.
Mathias and Remy sat in chairs off behind us beneath an umbrella, far enough away that they had some privacy from the rest of us.
Emma and Maddox were talking to the man we’d seen earlier about something, while Ezra was walking down the beach.
I itched to join him, but I knew Emma would see and draw conclusions.
I hated keeping our arrangement a secret from her, but I had to. No one could know. It was already messy enough with only Ezra and I involved. But if the others found out, I knew they’d root for us to end up a couple, and when we didn’t I feared that would lead them all to feel like they had to pick sides. If they didn’t know, they couldn’t form an opinion and pass judgment.
I watched Ezra pause and stoop down to pick something up out of the sand. He turned it over in his hand before tucking it into his palm. He squeezed it tight and continued on.
“I’m going to take a nap.”
Arden glanced at me and arched a brow. “Didn’t you go to bed early?”
“Uh…yeah. But the beach sun makes me really sleepy,” I lied. I couldn’t tell her the truth—that Ezra had kept me up most of the night. The possibility of getting caught had heightened every sensation in my body, and the effort to quiet my cries of pleasure had been exhausting.
“Okay,” she said doubtfully. “I’m just going to read for a little bit since Mia’s occupied. I never get to read anymore.”
I nodded and laid back. My sunglasses shielded my eyes from the sun and the warmth from the rays felt like a blanket.
I really was sleepy and in no time I drifted off.
Cold water prickled the skin of my stomach and I jolted into a seated position.
“What the hell?!” I exclaimed and looked up to find Hayes standing over me with a squirt gun. Where he found that I had no idea.
He smiled boyishly. “I didn’t think you’d want to miss this.”
“Miss what?”
He pointed to the sky.
“What the hell?” I repeated, blinking my eyes. “Is that—?”
“Yep,” he answered, grinning at the sight before us with his hands on his narrow hips.
“They’re insane!” I stood up, leaning my head back so I could see better.
Maddox and Emma were parasailing. To say they were adrenaline junkies was an understatement. They were always looking for another crazy adventure.
Ezra stood a few feet away with his phone held aloft, videoing our crazy best friends.
“One day they’re going to get themselves killed,” I groaned.
Zip lining, skydiving, and now parasailing. What was next? Cliff-jumping?
“Probably,” Hayes answered.
“Did I say that out loud?”
He chuckled and nodded.
“Oops.” I glanced away and noticed that Arden and Mia were gone. “Where did Arden go?”
“Mia was sleepy so she headed back to the car. We’re leaving after these two finish.” He pointed up at the sky.
“I’m posting this on YouTube,” Ezra chuckled, “the whole world needs to see these fools.”
“Wouldn’t your manager have a heart attack if he knew Maddox was up here?”
“Hells yeah,” Hayes laughed. “He’ll probably shit his pants. Julian is such a fucking fun-sucker.” He paused, his lips pursed in thought. “Maybe if he got laid he’d be happier.” He snapped his fingers together with a sudden though. “Ez, we should hire a hooker for him.”
I reached out and smacked the back of his head.
“Ow,” he rubbed the spot and mockingly glared at me, “that hurt.”
“Aw, poor baby.” I pouted. “I think you’ll live.”
Hayes smiled and his eyes dipped to my breasts.
I rolled my eyes and pointed to my face. “Eyes up here Hayes.”
“Sorry,” he cleared his throat, “I just can’t help myself. They’re just right in my face.”
“Dude,” Ezra glared, anger flashing in his eyes as he completely forgot about the video he was currently taking, “do you want me to punch you in the face?”
“Oh, so are you two—?” He trailed off, waving a finger between Ezra and me.
“No,” Ezra said adamantly, tucking his phone into the pocket of his board shorts, “but have some respect.”
Hayes made a sound in the back of his throat that made it obvious he didn’t believe Ezra. “Whatever. I’m going back to the cars. You guys can wait for them.”
Ezra let out a heavy sigh and crossed his hands behind his head. He wouldn’t look at me and that began to worry me. I stayed where I was, refusing to be the first one to break the silence.
“What have we done?” He asked, staring out at the sparkling ocean.
“What do you mean?”
He lowered his hands and plopped in the sand, draping his arms over his knees. “I knew this was a bad fucking idea, but I wanted you too much to say no,” he continued, “but this fucking sucks, Sadie. Anytime another guy even glances in your direction I want to punch him in the face.” He slowly raised his head and his dark gaze connected with mine. “I’m not allowed to have those feelings. You’re not mine.”
You’re not mine. Those words stung like a slap to my face.
“This is just sex. It’s not real.”
It’s not real. Another slap.
It was tearing me apart that he didn’t return my feelings, but I was still all too willing to take what he would give me for however long. The pain was worth knowing what it felt like to be held in his arms.
“Right?”
His voice startled me from my thoughts. I sat down beside him, crossing my legs in the sand. I picked up a handful of sand and watched it sift through my open fingers.
“Right,” I echoed, immediately hating that word. How could a word that by its very definition meant correct feel so undeniably wrong?
He reached over and took my hand in his, holding it until he was forced to let go.
I wished so desperately that we could have more than stolen moments, but wishing gets you nowhere, because wishes don’t exist.
As our friends joined us once more we headed out to lunch and then back to the beach house. Both of us forced our conversation out of our minds.
We had to.
At least I did, because letting myself believe for one single second that I’d heard a note of longing in his voice when he asked me if he was right, would lead me to feel nothing but anguish later on because it would give me hope, and hope was suffocating.
We laid around on the beach for a while before the guys got the brilliant idea to play beach volleyball. They were forcing all of us to play too, except for Remy. Mathias glared at his brother and friends, daring them to go against his wishes and let her play.
Remy was fine with sitting out though, which I knew made Mathias feel relieved.
There was already a net set up on the beach, between our house and the next one, which was currently vacant, but we didn’t have a ball. All three guys—minus Mathias who chose to stay behind with Remy—headed to the store.
While they were gone the rest of us ventured into the house to cool off. My skin felt heated to the touch, but I wasn’t burned, unlike poor Arden who was starting to look a little red. She hadn’t been exaggerating about the whole lobster thing.