I was wearing a dress Sam had worn in another life. And his sweater.
Someone across the table leaned over and muttered to her neighbor. Both eyed me like they thought I might vomit.
“Ana, are you okay?” Sam touched my shoulder.
I blinked. Nodded. He was counting on me. “Sorry.”
“This has been a big transition for her,” he explained to the Council. “We’ve been here less than a day and already people are gossiping about her. This is a huge transition for her.”
“Of course.” Sine smiled, like she had any clue what I was going through, but the other Councilors all looked at me queerly.
One by one, they introduced themselves; I’d heard of most of them before, and remembered Antha and Frase from yesterday. Deborl’s name was familiar, but I didn’t know much about him. Like Meuric, he looked younger than me.
I tried to focus while Sam outlined our arrangements with teachers, but I felt as though walls inside me were crumbling. Confined to Purple Rose Cottage and the surrounding forest my whole life, it had been easy to know that Heart was filled with people so old I couldn’t comprehend. But I’d never been faced with the evidence so clearly until now. Their lives and histories were so much bigger than me.
Before meeting Sam, when he was a name in a book, I’d thought it wouldn’t matter what he — she? — looked like, that I’d feel the same way no matter what. And maybe I would. But also, there was so much that was physical about him — hands, hair, eyes, voice, scent — that made him attractive. I’d felt something before, perhaps merely a reaction to his music or the way he wrote about it, and that was still inside me. But I craved his physical presence. This Sam. These hands, hair, eyes, voice, and scent. Another incarnation of Sam wouldn’t be the same.
That was probably the point of the souls ceremony. Maybe the physical shouldn’t matter.
I wished I could stop thinking about having seen the grave of Sam’s first body. There was probably nothing in there by now. It was probably dust.
I shuddered out of my thoughts as the subject changed.
“I’d like to discuss Ana’s library privileges.” Sam rested his hands on the table. He didn’t look ancient or decayed. When his shoe bumped mine, he felt real and alive. “If she’s to have a complete education, she needs unrestricted access to the library.”
“There are books someone so young shouldn’t have access to,” said Meuric. “I’m sure Ana is very responsible, but knowing how to build a catapult isn’t a necessary skill for her.”
“Learning how to build weapons isn’t one of my goals.”
“What is your goal, then?” Deborl asked.
I glanced at Sam, who gave a minute shrug. “I was hoping to find out where I came from.” And whether I would be reborn, but I didn’t want these strangers to know my secret fear. “I realize wiser minds have most likely already looked, and I doubt I’ll discover anything new, but actively searching for an answer would bring a lot of comfort.”
Sine nodded. “I imagine it’s very lonely being the only newsoul in the entire world.”
Especially when she put it like that. “It is.” I pretended not to notice Sam’s foot against mine. “I’d like to know what happened, to see if there’s a chance it could happen again.” Maybe the existence of another newsoul would make me feel less like a mistake, less alone.
Antha crossed her arms and leaned back. “The last time, we lost Ciana. I can’t say I’m eager for it to happen again.”
I swallowed hard. “I don’t want to lose anyone, either.”
“As long as it doesn’t take away from her studies,” Frase said, “I don’t see how looking into her origins could hurt. However, I do think someone should be there to supervise her time in the library. Dossam, or someone else we can all agree on. As Meuric said, there’s simply too much in the library that could be dangerous, not just to Ana, but to everyone if she isn’t careful.”
“I’ll be careful.”
“I’ll accompany her as often as possible,” Sam said. “She’s my student.”
Sine raised a hand. “When Sam can’t, I will join Ana. After all, Sam has other work.”
“Orrin and Whit spend half their lives in the library,” said another Councilor, whose name I’d forgotten. “I think it’s safe to assume there will always be someone to supervise Ana’s studies.”
“Does this sound reasonable to everyone?” Meuric checked everyone’s faces, then gave a quick nod. “Very well. We’ll also assign an SED to Ana so she can call someone if one of her appointed companions isn’t there. Ana, I trust we can count on you to do that.”
“Of course.” Probably. I trusted exactly one person not to rat on me if I did something the Council wouldn’t like: myself. As wonderful as Sam had been, with everything he’d done for me, he was still one of them. He’d known them for almost a hundred lifetimes, and me less than a month. I couldn’t expect his loyalties to shift that quickly.
“All right.” Meuric shuffled a stack of papers. “Next on the list is a curfew.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“Twenty-first hour, every night, you’re expected to be at Sam’s. You’ll be subject to random checks. If you’re not there, or late, you’ll have to face the consequences.”
“Which will be?” Now they were interested in making sure I was safe inside at night? Now, after I’d been eighteen years with Li, who didn’t care if I slept in the forest and got eaten by wolves?
“The severity of your punishment will reflect the severity of your crime.”
Being late to bed was a crime? I opened my mouth to ask, but Sam interrupted.
“Surely exceptions will be made for lessons that require Ana to be available at nighttime.” Sam gave Meuric a pointed look. “Such as astronomy or observing nocturnal animals.”
“Neither of those were on your list.” Meuric scowled at his papers. “But yes, if the need arises, exceptions can be made. Make sure to put in a request first. I’d hate for Ana to get in trouble needlessly.”
“Monthly progress reports.” Frase slid a sheet of paper across the table to Sam. “We’ve made a list of skills Ana should learn, in addition to those you’ve already scheduled. Don’t feel the need to plow through everything immediately, but keep in mind we will be requiring an examination of her progress this time next year. We’ve also included a list of potential tutors for these subjects.”
Sam glanced at the list; his arm blocked my view. “She already knows how to read.”
“I figured it out several years ago,” I added.
Frase made a face that might have been a smile, but all I saw was teeth. “Then she won’t have a problem in this area. The Council still requires study and examination.”
“Half the people on this list have been vocal about their”—Sam eyed me—“distaste for the idea of newsouls. It’s unfair to make Ana study under them.”
“We don’t always get to work with our friends,” Antha said. “Perhaps getting to know Ana will change people’s minds about newsouls.”
That seemed unlikely.
“It’s all right, Sam.” I fought to keep my voice steady. “I’ll make it work.”
His jaw muscles jumped, but he nodded. “Very well.”
“I think that should cover everything for now.” Meuric turned to me. “Do you agree to these terms?”
Afraid to ask what happened if I didn’t, I nodded.
“Then we’re finished.” He stood and offered me his hand to shake. When everyone had a turn — some more gentle than others with my still-healing skin — Sam and I started to leave the Council chamber.