Knox’s voice fills my ears, and before I know it, I’m pinned against the bed, him hovering over me.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going, Charlie?” he asks, a sleepy yet gruff tone in his voice. His green eyes are staring down at me, waiting for an answer. I can’t bring myself to say anything, to let him know that I want nothing more than to curl up against him, to have him wrap his arm around me protectively as he holds me all night long. “Well?”
Shrugging, I look up at him. “Back to my bed. I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep. And I didn’t want to bug you with my tossing and turning,” I tell him, and I can hear how lame it sounds.
Shaking his head, he moves to his spot on the bed, lying on his side with his arm propped up, his head in hand. He’s watching me, and as I move to my side, I have the urge to pull the sheet up over my bare skin, but I don’t want to seem nervous or self-conscious. Instead, I lie here, letting his eyes wander up and down my body. He reaches a finger out, tracing my collarbone then sliding all the way down to my belly button before he moves his hand to my back and pulls me closer to him.
“I think I can handle it. I don’t mind a little tossing and turning. What will bug me would be waking up without you next to me. This wasn’t a one-time thing for me, Charlie. You’re in my bed when I go to sleep, and I want you there when I wake up. Every single night. From now on.” He brings my leg up over his and settles in between mine as he continues to stroke my back. I can barely think with his hands on me. I’m floored that he wants me in his bed, because the Knox I envision has never let a girl stay there post-intercourse.
“Knox, I don’t even know what’s going on here. I don’t know what you want, what we are, or what to even think. Sure, we might live together, but I’m not shacking up with you just because we slept together.”
Pulling away from me, he leans across the bed and turns on the desk lamp on his nightstand. He sits up and leans against the headboard before he grabs me. Drawing me up into him, he settles my ass in between his legs so that my back’s pressed against his chest. I want to protest, but I love the way it feels to be so close to him, so when he takes my hand in his, I let him. He’s toying with my fingers, staying silent for a few minutes, and I’m nervously waiting for him to respond.
Letting out a deep breath, he leans down and places a soft kiss on my temple before finally breaking the silence, still playing with my hand. “I’m not going to lie to you, sweetheart. You know what happened all those years ago and how I acted afterwards. I won’t rehash all that. For most of my adult life, I’ve been living for my career. Doing everything I can to avoid relationships. And to be honest, if it weren’t for Jace, I probably wouldn’t be close to anyone. But that was different. When you go to war with someone, you have a kinship unlike any you’ll ever feel with anyone, and he’s my brother.” He pauses. I nod in understanding, wiggling back into him, wanting to be as close as possible.
“Over the years, I’ve had hook-ups, but I’ve never wanted anyone for anything more than that. You know I swore off relationships, so I never let myself look at a woman that way. And it was never a problem. Until the explosion.”
My breath catches. He’s never talked about this before. I don’t say a word, hoping he’ll continue.
“I’ve never told anyone this. A few months ago, it was too disappointing to tell. When people ask what I remember about that day, I tell them nothing. It’s not far-fetched, not with my brain injury, and everyone usually just moves on.” My belly clenches tight as I anticipate his next words. “The truth, though? The truth is that I remember everything right up until I fell unconscious. I thought that was it. That I was going to die, and I realized how alone I was. I didn’t have a big highlight reel of my life playing in my brain. I had nothing. And when I woke up, I felt even more alone. Lying in that hospital bed, I vowed to myself that I’d try and find a way to open up my heart, but not until I was fully healed, until I was ready. But then you showed up on my doorstep and everything changed.”
His hand stills, and he places mine on my stomach, his covering it completely.
“I know I was an ass the night we met. But what you don’t know, babe, is that I saw you well before I approached that bar counter. When I walked through that door, I could feel you watching me, and when I took a quick scan of the room, my eyes locked in on you, sitting on that barstool, all alone, looking sweet, sexy, and I wanted nothing more than to go straight to you and give you a line. But I couldn’t. I was in no position to hit on anyone, and with you, I didn’t want to.”
I can’t help the snort that comes out of me, knowing we had a battle of ‘I’m not your type’ days after that.
I can feel the rumble of his chuckle at my back, and he continues. “Just hear me out. At the time, I didn’t know what it was. I saw you sitting there alone, and in the past, I’d take advantage of that, chatting up the lonely girl to get her into bed. But the more I watched you, I knew you weren’t going to be that girl. You seemed completely comfortable with yourself, not needing anyone around you. And then I saw you laugh at something the bartender said and I had to move. I had to be near you. I needed to see that smile up close, to hear your laugh with my own ears.”
Interrupting him, I can’t help but share my thought. “You know, I remember wondering why you came to the bar when you’d just had a waitress take your order.”
He runs his fingers up and down my stomach, not going to high or too low. “So you were watching me, too? I thought so. Anyways, yeah, you caught me. When I was next to you and your eyes were checking me out, I was waiting for the look of pity to cross your face, but it never came. Instead, I could tell you were attracted to me, despite the cast, my crippled walk, my scars. And in that moment, for a split second, I imagined you were looking at me like that because you were mine. So when you reached your hand out and gave me your name, I freaked. I had stuff I was still dealing with, you know, and there’s no way I could’ve started something with you at the time, so instead I put up a wall and acted like a jerk. For once in my life, I’ll say thank God for Jace and his nosy-ass damage control.”
I can’t help but smile when I think back to that night. I’ve had crappy memories of it, but now that Knox has confessed that he felt an attraction, too, I’m mentally high-fiving myself in the most juvenile way. “So you’re saying you were attracted to me back then and have been ever since?” I ask, seeking clarification.
“I was more than attracted, and the moment I opened my door to you, I wasn’t pissed that it was you, but more that it was you before I was ready for it to be, if that makes any sense. I’ve wanted you since that night. And yeah, maybe it started out as a physical want, but these past couple of months, I can say you’ve definitely grown on me.”
Turning my head so I can face him, I raise my eyebrows. “You make it sound like I’m a weed you’ve just learned to stop fighting and deal with.”
Leaning down, he places a kiss on my lips. “If you’re a weed, sweetheart, then I never want to see another flower again.”
Laughing, I turn back around and lean into him. “That may have been the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard. But it was sweet, so I’ll give you a pass.”
He laces his fingers through mine and plants a kiss on my head. “To be honest with you, babe, I’ve tried to fight it, and I’ve been battling an internal war with myself since you moved in. All this time we’ve spent together, you’ve brought me out of my shell, without either of us realizing. And I find myself happy, truly happy, for the first time in years. And when I reflect on it at night when it’s just me and my guitar, I know that happiness comes from how you make me feel. So no. This isn’t a one-night thing. This isn’t roommates hooking up. This is you and me. This is us. Falling into place, the way we’re meant to. And I’m tired of fighting it. I don’t want to anymore.”