“Are you ready for dinner, Sweetheart?” Jacoby whispers in my ear, and I jolt at the feel of his warm breath feathering across my exposed neck. He chuckles, then grasps my hand, threading my fingers through the curve of his elbow and leads me to the left.
“Y-yes. Jacoby, this is, I mean, I’m speechless. Thank you for bringing me here.”
He chuckles again and presses his lips against my hair as we stop in front of a hostess stand at the entrance to the restaurant.
“You seem a bit shell shocked. Relax, love. Enjoy yourself.”
I simply nod as I ponder his words. Enjoy yourself.
When was the last time I really enjoyed myself? I could rack my brain for hours and probably wouldn’t come up with anything. Well, except one thing. Him.
My most joyous moments over the last two months have all involved Jacoby. Whether it was exchanging knowing glances and shy grins, relaxing in his embrace, holding hands, cuddling, making love, hell, even arguing, every moment spent with him has been life changing. I went from this bitter girl with a penchant for hurting herself to a vulnerable woman who is falling in love. I’ve started to shed the notion that the world is out to get me. I’m realizing that the pain, the heartache, the distress of feeling unloved and unwanted my whole life was entirely worth it if I get to have Jacoby by my side.
By the time dinner is over, I’m full of delicious food and completely content with my life. Jacoby and I shared small conversation over mouthwatering filet mignon, creamy mashed potatoes, and a winter blend of steamed vegetables. We followed the meal with a shared slice of cheesecake, topped with cherries, for dessert. I told him about my goals when I graduate. He seemed quietly relieved when I mentioned moving away from this town, maybe even this state. I was too scared to bring it up yet, but I’m quietly hoping if I decide to leave, he’ll follow.
“Dance with me.”
I look up from where I was studying my lap to see Jacoby standing in front of me, his hand outstretched in invitation. I put my hand in his, and he gives me a tight squeeze before leading me out to the dance floor.
Jacoby curls a tendril of my hair around his finger, seemingly lost in thought for a moment before he twirls us in a slow spin. The floor is crowded with people dancing and laughing together. Although it’s busy, the place isn’t rowdy, which I appreciate. This night is about us, and I’d rather not have it spoiled by a bunch of drunks.
We move in slow circles, our bodies fluidly reciprocating the moves of one another. My fingers lightly play with the long strands at the back of his neck. With each spin, I relax more and more until eventually, I’m floating on air. The tension from the past few weeks is suddenly gone. I feel lighter than ever. I rest my cheek against the warm pectoral of Jacoby’s chest, listening to the gallop of his heartbeat beneath my ear. This is perfection.
Jacoby’s hands softly caress my waist as we dance, and I can’t help but hope that this is perfection for him, too.
We’ve ridden the ride; a roller coaster of ups and downs, twists and turns. We’ve pushed each other away and grasped one another as a life line. We’ve fought for what was right and moral, and when that became too much, we fought against it. We fought for what was right in our hearts. We stopped battling the feelings of the rest of the world and instead, held tighter to our feelings for each other. Because when it comes down to it, the rest of the world doesn’t matter. Our feelings are true and real. We found something in one another we’ve both been missing, and what can possibly be wrong with finding your other half?
The answer is: nothing.
When you spend your life living for everyone else, rising to expectations, and trying not to disappoint, you aren’t living. You’re wasting. Wasting the gift so many others have had tragically ripped away and cut short. Live for yourself. Protect that gift. Nurture and cherish it so it can grow and have meaning.
Nearly two months ago I was hollow, with only the sharp presence of my blade to remind me I was alive. Jacoby took that away from me but gave me a gift in return. He taught me how to live.
As we gently sway wrapped up in each other’s arms, contained in our own private bubble, the song dwindles down to the last few notes. Jacoby presses his lips to mine in a warm, inviting kiss. My mind swirls with a blissfully quiet mist as I feel and touch and taste my hopes and dreams on his lips.
He pulls away and rests his forehead against mine. We breathe our mingled breaths while gazing into each other’s eyes.
“Stay here. I’ll be right back.”
I hold our spot near the middle of the dance floor while Jacoby walks up to the DJ. He speaks to him briefly before coming back to me and scooping me in his arms.
“What was that about?” I ask as the melodic piano chords float in the air around us. Jacoby brings his mouth to my ear and begins singing the lyrics to Rascal Flatts “I Won’t Let Go” in his deep, rich voice. I gasp when he sings the chorus, and his grip tightens around my waist. We stay like this, clinging to one another while the music plays.
As the last strains of the song play, and my eyes are watering with tears, Jacoby sends me away from him in an elegant twirl that has me giggling. He pulls me back into his embrace and halts our slow dancing. Our eyes lock. A burning fire of passion is reflected in his gaze. The deep brown reminds me of quicksand, and I’m stuck. Sinking. Sinking. Sinking.
“I wanted to give something to you. Something beautiful, something permanent,” he says. I freeze; my mind a whirlwind of promises and rings and futures. What does he mean? He quietly laughs, breaking through my panic.
“Not what you’re thinking, Sweetheart. Not yet, anyways.”
“Okay, good,” I breathe. “I mean…it’s not—.ˮ
He silences me with his thumb against my lips while his fingers caress my jaw.
“I know. It’s too soon for that. I need to hear you say you love me first.” Jacoby grins, and his smile cuts through my tension. “What I was going to say was that these past few weeks have been difficult at times. We’ve had some rough moments, but we’ve also had some amazing ones as well. And in the end, every second I’ve spent with you has been entirely worth it. This weekend is about us. It’s about showing you that you are loved, and that for as long as you’ll have me, I’ll be by your side every step of the way. I’ll fight for you, for us. The consequences be damned. I wanted to give you a memory, something you’ll keep in here,” he says as he places a hand over my pounding heart. He stares intently into my crying eyes as he professes, “I’m yours.”
I whimper as he places a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth before wiping my tears with his thumbs. “And I’m yours, Jacoby.”
He smiles a breathtaking grin at me and wraps me in his arms. “That’s all I’ll ever ask for.”
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
Jacoby
A dream. That’s what my life feels like these days. The kind of dream that comes between sleep and awake, where you know you’re dreaming but everything feels so damn real. If someone were to pinch me, I’m certain I’d wake up.
But it’s not a dream. The past two months have definitely been real life. I still can’t understand how I ended up lucky enough to find someone as perfect as Tatum.
Our relationship has been life changing; for the both of us. My past is still reflected around me when I remember why I moved here, but the guilt doesn’t weigh as heavily as before. Tatum has helped me with that. Her thoughtfulness, her words, her very essence has helped guide me back to the light. I still have my moments; a nightmare here or there after we’ve talked about it. But when I wake up from thrashing around in my sleep, I have Tatum’s warm body there to comfort me. Her soothing whispers carry away my pain.
She’s been remarkably strong as well. Only a week and a half has passed since she told me she wanted to stop, and not once has she needed to hurt herself. I’ll catch her eyes drift to the bands she still wears as shields on her wrists while we watch TV or lie in bed. I know she’s thinking about the marks there, possibly even remembering. But she’s strong. I know she would come to me before she hurt herself again. She had her first counseling appointment on Monday, and I’m confident with her newfound support system, she can beat the ghosts of her past.