When we get to my place, he follows me inside and watches as I go through my mail, stupidly hoping for something, anything from Kale. At this point, I’d take any type of contact because I’m starting to lose my mind. He’s supposed to be home in a few weeks, and the thought of something happening to him so close to leaving Afghanistan is a thought I can barely stomach. When I see that I have nothing from him, my heart falls, and I’m almost ready to lose it.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Aidan asks, and I can only assume he sees the stress of my face.
“What’s wrong with me?! My best friend is freaking in Afghanistan and I haven’t heard from him in two freaking weeks. Two, three days is normal, but not two weeks. I’ve been trying not to think the worst, but I’m kind of starting to freak out!” I’m seething, and I know I probably sound like a lunatic.
“Him? Again? Seriously, Lucy? Is that why you haven’t let your phone leave your hand every single time we’re together?” he asks, narrowing his eyes at me.
I know how it sounds, but he just doesn’t understand. Not hearing from Kale is killing me. The worst scenarios have been playing through my mind over and over, getting worse as each day passes.
“He’s my best friend besides Charlie, Aidan. He’s at freaking war. Of course I’m worried about him!”
Before he can respond, my phone buzzes again. I run to the counter to grab it, but Aidan catches it first. His eyes narrow as he looks at the screen before he hands the phone to me. It’s another text from Charlie, and I don’t understand what his problem is until I realize that he saw the background photo—one of Kale and me taken right before he left. It’s actually the last picture we took together, and I remember the way we laughed as we did one last selfie shot before he deployed. I can’t help the lone tear that falls, and Aidan doesn’t miss the reaction the photo caused.
He crosses to me and uses a thumb to wipe it away. Cupping my face, he forces me to look at him.
“Lucy, is there something going on between you and him? Is he the reason you’ve held back from me for so long? Or are you really just friends like you claim to be?”
I’ve been waiting for this question for so long, but even the anticipation hasn’t helped me come up with a proper answer. My head falls, and I know that this is about to be the end of Aidan and me. Before he lets me answer, he takes my hand and leads me to the couch.
I can’t bring myself to look at him, and I chastise myself, having known that this was going to happen eventually.
He lifts my chin again, making me look at him. “Lucy…” he whispers, and I close my eyes, not wanting this to happen but knowing it has to. “This isn’t going anywhere, is it?”
I want to tell him that he’s wrong, but deep down, I know he’s not. A part of me saddens from knowing that I’m about to say goodbye to Aidan, but Kale’s still in the back of my mind, and I’m still trying not to mentally freak out about not knowing where he is.
Looking up at him, I meet his eyes, knowing that I owe him that much. “I…don’t think so, Aidan.” I tightly close my eyes, trying to figure out what to say. When I open them back up, I see his sad eyes staring into mine. “I care about you. I really do. And I love spending time with you. But at the end of the day, I find myself thinking about someone else. And that’s unfair to you. I know I’m a total asshole for leading you on, but I promise you, Aidan, my feelings for you are real, and when we started dating, I thought I was ready for this. I guess I was just fooling myself. Right now, all I can focus on is the fact that he’s missing, and every moment I’m with you, I’m thinking of him, worrying about where he is and why I haven’t heard from him.”
I wish I could shut myself up. I can’t believe I just said that to him. And with the way he’s looking at me, I don’t think he can either.
He stands up from the couch, separating himself from me. I watch as he paces a few times, rubbing his hand over his hair. Finally, he stops to look back at me. His chest heaves as he takes a deep breath.
“You know, Lucy, I appreciate your honesty, but it would’ve been nice to have known this months ago instead of letting you waste my time. You think Drew’s such a bad guy? Look in the mirror. Sure, you may not have fucked anyone else behind my back, but you sure did fuck with my heart. Is there really a lesser of two evils?”
The impact of his words hits me like a ton of bricks, and I know he’s right. As much as I’ve admonished Drew, am I really any better than him? Looking up, I see him watching me, and I hesitate, which is all he needs to continue.
“That’s what I thought. Lucy, I want to be with you, but I can’t accept only part of you. It’s clear that I’ll never have all of you, and that just won’t work.” He scoffs, and I cringe, knowing that this is it. “I’d say it was fun while it lasted, but truth be told? I’m happy to get off this rollercoaster ride. I truly, sincerely hope he’s okay. And if he is? Get off your fucking ass and tell him how you feel so you don’t put another guy through the ringer and make him goddamn miserable the way you’ve done me.”
“Aidan—” I start, but he holds his hand up, causing me to shut up.
“Lucy, there’s really nothing left to say. I should’ve seen this coming all along. Take care of yourself,” he says, and without another thought, he quietly exits my apartment.
Sinking back into my couch, I reflect on what just happened. Strangely, relief washes over me, and I know that Aidan was right. I was so unfair to him, and this was going to end eventually. I just wish I’d done it much sooner, especially when Kale mentioned that he cared about me.
My thoughts drift to him, and panic flows through my veins. Something’s wrong, and with each day that passes, I grow more terrified when I don’t hear from him. The thought of losing Kale is nearly unbearable, and as if it’s a sign, all thoughts of Aidan evaporate, leaving me to wonder why I ever thought I was ready for this, to let anyone in my heart when I don’t even know what it wants.
Chapter 12
Kale
I TAP my fingers on my leg, anxiously waiting for this briefing to end. It’s been a little over two weeks since the explosion. Since I was so close to being done with my deployment, the doctors decided that, after initial surgery to remove the bullet from my shoulder, I could be sent back to the States with McAllister and Wellington. Both sustained much more serious injuries than I did, and last I heard, Wellington was still in a medically induced coma.
It’s been a fucking whirlwind two weeks, and other than my mom, I’ve haven’t had a chance to talk to anyone, not even Lucy. I probably could’ve stolen a moment somewhere along the way to get ahold of her, but knowing she’s with someone, I didn’t want to cause her any unnecessary stress, especially since I’m going to heal up just fine. I would’ve liked to have sent her a quick message, but after days spent in the hospital and then traveling, I was never able to find a computer to log onto. She knows I can go outside the wire and be unable to communicate, but the longest we’ve ever gone is a week. I’m hoping, begrudgingly, that she’s been too busy to worry herself with my disappearing act. However, I hope he hasn’t been too consuming of her time. Now that I’m back at Fort Campbell, I’m anxious to get out of this damn briefing so I can go see her with my own two eyes.
They say that your life flashes before your eyes, and even though I knew I wasn’t dying, I swear there was a split second of an almost out-of-body—or perhaps mind—experience when the explosion occurred. In all reality, it was probably just the bomb blast, but part of me saw that damn mind flash, but it was different than what most people describe. There was no quickly running highlight reel of all the good times in my life. Instead, I was greeted by the faces of those I care about the most. Mom, Kalli, my other sister Kaylie. Lily. And at the end, Lucy.