Bringing my cup to my lips, I try to mask a smile. “I feel the same way, you know? When Kale and I originally met, thanks to Lily, I never would’ve imagined we’d be here, but now that we are, I can’t imagine anything different. Don’t worry about him, Xavier. I’ll try not to let him get lost in his guilt. And if he’s overbearing, I’ll deal with it. If that’s part of how he needs to cope, I’ll let him—within reason, of course. He once tried to force me to take a bath instead of a shower because he was afraid I’d fall, but what he didn’t realize is I could barely get out of the tub once I was done.”
Xavier laughs, then slides his chair back and stands up, signaling the end of the conversation. “You’re good for him, you know that?”
Smiling up at him, I answer as honestly as I can. “He’s the best for me.”
He just nods, and as we walk back to the room, I replay the conversation in my mind. I’m sure Xavier’s just trying to look out for his friend, and I start to wonder just what all they’ve been through together. What happened to Kale that made him seek out a family in Xavier and Lily? My curiosity is running rampant, and as I try and put the puzzle pieces together, my mind draws a blank. All I know is that something happened a long time ago with Kale, and he’s never shared.
As much as I want to know all the answers, when I walk into the hospital room and see him holding Lily’s hand, his thumb rubbing over her knuckles, I know I’m going to have to wait. Even though Lily’s okay, I can feel the guilt radiating off of him, and it’s going to be hard as hell to help him push past it. For now, that’s where my focus has to be, and I silently whisper a prayer of hope that, whenever I do finally learn all the answers to my questions, it’s not too much for me to bear.
Chapter 28
Kale
AFTER WHAT felt like the longest night in the hospital, Xavier finally kicked us out, telling me to let Lucy get some rest. Now that I’m in bed with my arms wrapped around her, I know he was right. I’ve pulled her in tight, wanting—needing—her closeness. In fact, I haven’t let her out of my arms since we left the hospital. Something about the feel of her skin on mine is soothing, and it lets me know that she’s here, really here.
I can’t stop replaying the scene of Lily being thrown in the air, and the sound of her skull cracking against the pavement is like a vinyl record that’s come off track and keeps playing that one bit over and over again. No matter how hard I try to shake it, I can’t get it out of my mind. Lying here with Lucy, her back to my chest and my hands taking their usual spot on her ever-growing belly, is the only thing that’s keeping me calm right now.
“Kale?” she whispers in the dark. “You awake?”
“Yeah, baby, I’m still awake. But you should be sleeping. It’s been a long day, and you need to rest.”
Sighing, she snuggles back into me. “I’m not tired.” Her small hand moves up to cover one of mine, and she toys with my fingers. “Wanna talk about it?”
Her voice is small, but strong, and I can hear the longing in her voice. Ever since we left the hospital, she’s been trying to get me to talk, but I just can’t formulate the words right now. I have no idea how in the hell Xavier was able to keep calm, but I decide it’s just because he hadn’t been there to actually witness the event. By the time he saw Lily, she was patched up, talking, and smiling. But me? Even when I saw that she was okay, I couldn’t focus on anything except for the bandages. And now that I’m home, the only image I can muster is the one of her lying on the cold, hard ground with blood running out of her nose.
“Not tonight, baby,” I tell her honestly, and I feel her let out a deep breath.
“How about if I talk? Is that okay?” she asks, and I wonder what she wants to talk about.
“Sure, if you’re not tired. Go ahead.”
She interlocks our fingers and holds my hand tight as she begins talking. “You asked me about my last name at Thanksgiving, and while I avoided the question at the time, I’m ready to talk about it. If we’re going to be starting a family, I want to know everything about you, and it’s only fair if you know everything about me, too. And I know you’re not ready, so tonight will be my night. I’ll do the talking.”
Swallowing hard, I remember how she distracted me from my questions. As much as I want to learn everything there is to know about her, I’m terrified of having to do the same once she’s done. I don’t think I could handle that conversation tonight, not after what happened to Lily, and I’m thankful she’s being strong enough for both of us to be the one to put herself out there.
“You don’t have to, Lucy. The past is just that—the past. If you’d rather keep it all in, I’m okay with that.” I know I sound like a coward, and I’m not surprised when she shakes her head.
“It might be the past, and while it might not quite define us, it helped shape who we became today. And that’s not something I want to keep from you anymore. I trust you, and I had my own reasons for wanting to keep it all bottled in before, but I know they were just silly fears that don’t matter now that I’m with you.”
“You don’t have anything to be scared of when you’re with me, Lucy. And you know by now that you can tell me anything—and I’ll always be here to listen.”
I feel her chest rise and fall, silence filling the room until she finally starts to speak again. “I know. And it’s one of the many, many reasons I love you.” She pauses, and I place a kiss on the back of her neck, causing her to shiver under my touch. “Okay, I guess I’ll just start at the beginning. My mom was twenty-one when she got pregnant with me, which really doesn’t seem all that bad. She’d been dating my biological father for about six months, and his family, along with Mom’s, urged them to get married. He didn’t want to, and Mom was okay with that, but in the end, all the pressure from both sides of the family wore them down and a shotgun wedding took place. Mom’s always been honest with me about what happened, and she told me that in the beginning, while she was still pregnant, things were good. He—I’ll call him by his name Tim, for the rest of the story—was a couple of years older than her and already working at his father’s bank. So like I said, in the beginning, things were good. It wasn’t until I came along that things started to sour.”
She pauses, and I wonder why in the hell her mom would tell her that. It almost seems like she was blaming her for things going wrong, and that’s just not right. As if she can read my thoughts, she addresses that very thing.
“Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think she was trying to blame me or anything. It’s just that she was always honest with me about everything, including him. Anyways, after I was born, he started working late, coming home drunk, the whole cliché nine yards. As I got older, it continued the same way. He made it clear he didn’t want me, he didn’t want Mom, and he was pretty much just there out of obligation. Sure, at church on Sunday, he was the picture-perfect husband and father, but the other six days of the week? He was hell on Earth. He wasn’t abusive—not physically, at least—but by the time Mom got up the courage to leave him, thanks to Steve, I was an emotional wreck.”
The idea that Lucy had anything less than a stellar dad is a disheartening one, and I wonder just how much damage her old man did before she finally got away from him. Running my fingers over her belly, I hold her closer.
“I’m sorry, baby. No little girl should be treated as if she’s not wanted. I can’t imagine having looked at Lily as anything less than a blessing, and she wasn’t even mine.”
“That’s what makes your bond with her so special, Kale, and I admire it. It also lets me know you’re going to be an amazing father. You love her unconditionally and she’s technically not even yours. Xavier told me how long you’ve been a part of their family. They’re lucky to have you.”