Leaning in, I press a kiss against her forehead before looking directly into her eyes. “I put up with you because I love you. Because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You’ll drive me nuts, I’ll make you pull your hair out, but at the end of the day, it’s you and me, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.”
“You mean you and me and baby,” she teases, lightening the tone of the night.
“True, but it was you and me first, and you’ll always be first for me, Lucy. I appreciate you telling me all that. It does kind of put things into perspective for why you were so resistant in the beginning.”
“I know, and I should’ve been honest and open about it from the beginning, but it was just hard, you know? We’d been whatever the hell we were for so long that the thought of opening up and changing everything was too frightening to even think about. I guess we have this little guy to thank for pushing us to finally be truthful with one another.”
“I know I’ll be thanking him for the rest of my life,” I tell her. “Now, come on. It’s been a long damn day, and I want to get to the hospital first thing in the morning to see how Lily’s doing.”
I watch as her eyes soften, and she brings a hand up to caress my face. “She’s going to be okay, Kale. Like she said, the worst was that they shaved her hair. If that’s not a sign that she’s thinking clearly, then I don’t know what is.” Lucy lets out a small laugh, but I can’t bring myself to find any humor in the situation. I know she’s just trying to keep things light, but I can’t help the overwhelming sense of guilt that seeps back in.
“When she’s home without a bandage on her head and with healed ribs, I might believe you,” I tell her, and she sighs softly.
“Kale, you cannot blame yourself for this. Even Xavier knows it was an accident. You’re just going to be miserable if you keep beating yourself up. That won’t do you any good, and it won’t do Lily any good. You saw her, babe. She was fine. She was laughing and chatting, and she was more than happy to see you.”
I know she’s right, but she wasn’t there. She doesn’t have the images and the sounds replaying over and over in her mind. “I can’t stop seeing her, Lucy. I should’ve been able to stop her, but she was just too damn fast. I was supposed to protect her. She’s my goddaughter for crying out loud, and I couldn’t even keep her safe. What the hell kind of father am I going to be?”
“Oh, Kale,” she whispers as she moves in closer so her belly’s pressed up against my abs. She grabs my hand, brings it down to rest on her stomach, and looks deep into my eyes. “Every single day, you show me what an amazing father you’re going to be. From the moment I met you, I’ve known that. And when you saw Lily tonight, you should’ve seen that, too. She didn’t feel a single ounce of blame towards you, and at the end of the day, there was nothing you could’ve done.”
She leans up and gives me a slow, lingering kiss on the lips before pulling back. “Whatever you’re thinking, Montgomery, you need to stop. I love you. Lily loves you, and Sprout’s going to love the hell out of you. Now get some sleep. We’ll go see her in the morning, okay?”
Nodding, I give her a small smile before she turns over, settling in with her back against my chest. “I love you, too, baby,” I tell her, and I mean it.
As we lie in silence, I replay her admissions over and over in my mind, and I wonder just how in the hell I’m going to get up the courage to finally tell her all about my past. Everything she said just scares me even more, because I don’t want her to feel like she’s a replacement—or that Sprout is—for everything I lost so long ago. But now that I know the history of her biological father, I’m terrified she’s going to find some sort of link between me and him, and I decide, probably foolishly, that her knowing about what happened all those years ago isn’t important. At least not for now. I know it’ll probably come back to bite me in the ass, but I’m taking the coward’s way out.
As I start to drift off to sleep, I see Lily in my mind and I hold onto Lucy even tighter, knowing that if I ever lost her, or Sprout, my life would be over.
Chapter 29
Lucy
IT’S BEEN over a week since I gave that heartfelt admission to Kale and he still hasn’t opened up to me about his past. Every day we’ve gone to the hospital to see Lily, and every day he was on edge. After three days, the doctors were satisfied that her brain swelling had gone down and they were ready to discharge her. Kale and Xavier made sure she came home to a princess’s welcome, and after I showed her in the mirror that her bald spot couldn’t be seen, her spirits were lifted.
Watching Kale with her this week has been eye opening. He’s been so gentle, caring, and he’s been watching her like a hawk, never letting her out of his sight whenever he’s around her. I’ve caught Xavier’s eye a few times, and he just gives me a sad smile and a shake of his head. In his house, I almost feel like an intruder, knowing there’s some secret Kale and Xavier share and I’m not privy to the information.
After a week of his holding me at arm’s length, at least emotionally, I’ve decided I’m dedicating this night to us. Sure, he’s been holding me close every night, but any time I try to talk to him about Lily, he shuts down. He’s not the Kale I’m used to, and while it’s not exactly scaring me, it’s bugging me deep down to the core. Like Xavier predicted, he watches my every move, and he almost freaked out this morning when he saw me standing on a stepstool so I could reach the brown sugar in the back of the pantry. He’s treating me like fragile glass, and while I appreciate his protectiveness, I feel like I’m about to explode with need, rage, and pure, unadulterated lust if I don’t get him to touch me—and if I can’t get him to feel something other than guilt and anguish.
I’m back in the bedroom when I hear the front door open and shut. We parted ways this morning as I went to spend the day with Charlie, planning her engagement party, and he ventured off to Xavier’s, once again to make himself feel better by seeing that Lily was up and kicking.
“Baby, I’m home!” I hear him shout, and I settle into the bed, waiting for him to appear.
He doesn’t disappoint when he enters the room, his eyes widening as he takes in the scene before him. I’m propped up on a few pillows, candlelight illuminating the room. I’m wearing nothing but a satin white nightie with thin material that does an amazing job of highlighting my nipples before it splits just under my breasts so my belly’s exposed. On the edge of the bed is the box, and I watch as his eyes darken when he spots it. Slowly, he begins to unbutton his shirt as he edges towards the bed, shrugging it off. I inhale sharply at the sight of his bare-naked chest, his jeans riding low on his hips. My mouth waters as I take in the sexy-as-hell V that’s practically pointing to the bulge that’s now pronounced in his jeans. He slowly unsnaps the button, and I bite my lip in anticipation, a move that causes him to give me a sly smile.