She looks at me with remorseful eyes, and I think she’s about to give in. “No, Kale. I’ve waited two days. Two long, excruciating days where I’ve gone over every single scenario in my head, and now that you’re ready to talk, I’m not sure I’m ready to listen. That’s probably selfish, but I need this. This one day to get away from it all, to pretend Tara doesn’t exist and that she’s not some big elephant in the room that’s coming between us.”
“Baby, I was wrong for not telling you. I know that now. I’m ready. Please, don’t leave like this.”
She places a hand on her hip, raising her chin at me. “Tell me one thing, Kale. If Tara hadn’t been in the bakery that day, when did you plan on telling me about her? Or did you think she’d be a secret forever?”
I’m tongue-tied at her question, because in all honestly, I have no idea when I was going to tell her. She must be able to read my expression, because her eyes narrow.
“That’s what I thought. What is this, Kale? This thing between you and me? Am I substitute for what you once lost? Are you with me because I'm having your child? That was my biggest fear jumping into this relationship, and then I find out you had a secret pregnant fiancée in your past? Why would you keep that from me?"
Anger at her questioning flows through me, and I want to grip her shoulders and fucking shake it out of her. It’s irrational, especially since this whole thing is my fault, and I know she doesn't mean it—she's just trying to prove a point—but dammit, that insinuation fucking hurts.
"You know none of that is true. It’s all bullshit and it’s not why I’m with you. I don't need to prove I love you, Lucy. You know I do. I show you every single fucking day. I’m not the type of guy who needs to make some big grand gesture and sing to you like an idiot in a bar. I may have fucked up by not opening up a painful part of my past to you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. You need to trust me and trust my feelings. I love you. I love our baby, but dammit, Lucy, I love you first."
I watch as her eyes close, but not before I see the moisture in them. Hope swells in me that I’m getting through to her.
"You’re right, Kale. You don't need to perform a big grand gesture, and I wouldn't expect you to or want you to. But what I do want from the man who claims to love me is his honesty, his openness, his whole heart. The good, the bad, the painful. You know, other than my family and Charlie, no one in my life knows about Tim. Everyone thinks Steve’s my real dad, and I could have kept that part of myself from you, but I didn’t. You know why? Because I love you, Kale. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, to start a family with you, and I didn’t feel right doing that until you knew me, all of me. The good, the bad, the painful. And I thought that, by opening myself up first, you’d feel more comfortable to do the same, but instead, you retreated. If you love me like you say you do, then why won't you let me all the way in?"
I’m about to protest, to profess my undying love for her, when she holds her hand up. “The day I realized I love you was the day that you became my whole heart. Your happiness is mine, Kale, but more than that, your pain is my pain, too. If you grieve, I grieve with you, no matter the cause. At the same time, when you rejoice, I’m right there jumping up and down with you. But unless you’re willing to lay it all out on the line with me, then we’ll never be equal partners.” A slow tear trickles down her cheek, followed by another one. I move to go to her, but she backs up. “I want one thing to be clear. When I walk out that door, I’m not leaving you. I’m simply giving you space to work out your crap. I know you love me, Kale, but you need to decide if that’s enough. If you love me enough to trust me with your deepest wounds. I might not be able to heal them, but I’ll damn well try.”
She crosses the room and lifts up on her tiptoes, planting a soft kiss on my lips. “I love you, and I will be back. It’s your job to decide if I’m back for good.”
Without another word, she exits the bedroom, and I’m frozen solid in place. What the fuck just happened? When I went to bed last night, I was confident and ready to lay it all out on the line for her, but she blindsided me. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I rest my head in my hands, wondering how in the hell I’m going to fix this.
Hours later and one Xavier beat down, I’m pacing the living room, waiting for Lucy to return. It feels like forever since she’s been gone, and I’ve barely resisted the urge to call Charlie to see if she’s heard from her. Other than during the work day, I’ve never spent this many hours away from her, and the thought that she’s out there, alone and emotional, nearly drives me wild with concern. Some rational part of me resists from doing so, knowing that I need to respect her wishes for space.
My ears perk up when I hear the sound of the front door opening, and my eyes move to the box on the coffee table then to the doorknob that’s beginning to turn. Sending up a quick prayer for strength, I move towards her, more than ready to let it all out.
Chapter 34
Lucy
I THOUGHT walking out of our home this morning was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but now that I stand outside the door, ready to go back in, I’m finding it even more difficult to turn the knob. I have no idea what awaits me on the other side, and I’m terrified that he’s going to freeze up again, effectively shutting me out.
I spent the better part of the day wandering aimlessly along the Riverwalk, plopping down frequently on park benches, pulling the paperback out of my purse to try and get lost in. It was no use. My mind was on Kale, Tara, and their unborn baby the whole time, and guilt started to creep in. If Kale endured a miscarriage, can I really comfort him through that? Am I naïve to think that he needs me to work it through? This day of needing space ended up just adding more questions in my mind, and now that I stand here, staring at our front door, I’m not sure I have the courage to walk back in.
Mustering up all the strength in my body, I place my hand on the knob and turn. The door flings open, and I’m pulled in violently. I’m about to fall flat on my face when Kale catches me in his arms.
“Oh God, baby, I’m so sorry. I heard you on the other side of the door and I tried to be patient, but I couldn’t help myself.” His callused hand brushes against my cheek as he studies me tenderly. “Are you okay?”
Nodding, I try to regain my equilibrium as he sets me upright on my feet.
He wraps me in his warm embrace, gently stroking my hair. “This has been the longest day of my life, Lucy,” he confesses.
I look up at him with glistening eyes. Bringing my hand up to caress his face, I feel his warm stubble under my skin. “I know. It hasn’t exactly been the best day for me, either,” I admit.
His eyes soften and he releases me before taking hold of my hand and leading me to the couch. A small, square box sits on the coffee table, and I eye it suspiciously. I’ve seen it buried in the depths of the closet, and I wonder why he’s pulled it out now.
Kale sits down next to me and leans in to place a kiss to my lips. “I’ve thought about what you said, baby, and you’re right. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and if we’re going to do this, then you deserve to know everything about me.”
I hear the underlying pain as his voice catches, and for a split second, I want to give him a reprieve, tell him he doesn’t have to tell me if it’s going to be too painful. “Kale,” I whisper, but he holds a finger up to my lips and hushes me.
“No, baby. This is my time to talk.” I nod compliantly before he picks the box up from the table and sets it on the couch between us. “I’m going to tell you a story, okay? It’s from a long freaking time ago.”