The medic dabbed my seeping wounds with a small piece of gauze, moist with antiseptic. Stinging as it cleansed the oozing cuts on my lips, cheek and forehead, I waited impatiently for him to finish.
Agent Evans had left the room, refusing to elaborate on his last statement. What did he mean that I wasn’t the only one ‘anymore’?
I decided to probe Keanu for information after this guy was done cleaning me up.
Keanu leaned against the wall in my cell watching the medic like a watchdog. He’d always seemed protective of me, but suddenly he was extremely diligent about it.
“Okay, that should do it.” Pulling off his gloves and throwing them in garbage along with the blood-soaked gauze, he nodded at Keanu as he knocked on the door for the guard to let him out.
If Keanu hadn’t been parked so close to the mirror, I would’ve immediately rushed to it to see just how bad I looked.
Inhaling and exhaling sharply, he rubbed his face with his hands. The stress on his face could be read like a road map. Dark circles under his eyes and an expression of worry etched on his face, I sensed something was up.
“Just tell me what’s wrong.” I pushed him, tired of the games. “I can tell something is wrong.” Glancing at me momentarily, he appeared to be having some internal debate.
Maybe he was deciding whether he should—or could—tell me some awful news. Maybe they were planning to kill me. Or worse, subject me to more horrid experiments.
I suddenly had an awful vision.
My dead body splayed upon a cold metal table in a morgue hidden deep in the belly of the military base. Masked agents slowly and methodically dissecting me. One piece at a time, cutting away the flesh and bagging it for testing.
A specimen.
To them, I was worth less than a dead frog preserved in formaldehyde, to be torn apart by immature biology students in high school.
Shuddering, I pulled my knees into my chest, hoping it would erect some protective force field around me. Apparently sensing my distress, Keanu moved from the wall and sat beside me. With my head tucked down and with my hair shielding me like black satin curtains, I cried softly. I felt his large hand begin sliding up and down my back, comforting me.
“Please…please tell me what’s going on.” My body wracked with sobs as I whimpered my plea. “Are they going…to kill me?”
“I…don’t know.” His voice hovered just above a whisper.
Fear and anger surged through me suddenly. Whipping my head up from its cowered position, I pushed his hand away from me and came unglued.
“Why!? Why me!? What harm can I do by existing!?”
Standing up and pacing the small cell. I ranted, then cried, and then screamed for what felt like hours. Keanu simply sat on the cot with his head hung and listened.
Finally, I stopped. Whether I’d worn myself out or I’d released all the anger within me, I just stopped. Weary, I walked to sink and cupping my hands, drank several handfuls of water. The cool liquid was gratefully welcomed by my physically and emotionally drained body.
With my hands on either side of the sink, I looked at myself in the mirror.
A stranger looked back at me.
Once a vibrant, healthy young woman, I’d become a mere shadow of my former self.
What was once a shiny, thick head of hair now hung lifeless on either side of my face like a black frame for my sallow cheeks and sunken eyes.
Sad eyes. So very sad.
Eyes that used to fire with the shade of amber topaz had faded to a tarnished brass.
Silence smothered the tiny room. Closing my eyes to the monster staring back at me in the mirror, I asked one last time.
“Tell me. What do they want from me?” Clutching the sides of the porcelain sink, I braced myself for the answer.
I heard him sigh as he got up from the cot and approach me. Placing his hand on the small of my back, I was surprised that I’d become so dead inside that his touch didn’t even affect me anymore. Leaning his large body against me, I was confused when he began to pull my hair away from my face with his hand. With his lips only millimeters from my ear, he whispered.
“Not here.”
Turning his head and looking to a far corner of my cell, I followed his gaze. Tucked deep into the intersection of the walls was a tiny black circle. I frowned and tried to make out what it was, this tiny black thing nestled into the corner like a tick. Taking a sharp breath in as the realization struck me.
My cell is bugged!
“I’m just taking her to the showers to clean up.” Keanu informed the guard as he led me out of my cell.
“I’m not supposed to…” The guard clutched his machine gun close as he eyed me.
“I know, I have permission from Agent Evans.” Keanu lied, continuing to move us away from the cell. Leaving the confused guard behind, Keanu walked quickly toward the showers with me following closely behind.
“In here.” He said, turning just before the shower entrance. Opening a door to the right, and guiding me into a small, dark room which appeared to be a janitorial closet, he turned to me and whispered. “We should be safe here.”
After a few seconds, my eyes adjusted to the darkness. A glimmer of light from the crack at the bottom of the door dimly lit the room.
I’m sure my eyes looked just wild with confusion. I was still reeling from the fact that my cell had been bugged! I’d spent ninety-nine percent of the time alone; did they think I was going to talk to myself?!
Then it struck me.
Agent Meyers.
They must have known what he was doing to me night after night and they didn’t even stop it.
A dirty, disgusting sensation writhed within me as hatred penetrated me. I’d never known hate like I’d just found for them.
Keanu stood close to me, taking deep breaths as he obviously prepared himself to divulge some kind of classified information.
How? How could Keanu be a part of this? He seemed so…kind. Maybe he was still acting…just pretending to sneak me out of my room to tell me a great secret—or lie.
I can’t trust him.
“Cassia.” He began, his voice shaking with nervousness.
I narrowed my eyes to slits as I tried to ascertain whether I should believe anything he had to say.
“Cassia…you’re pregnant.” He actually smiled as he spoke the words, like I was an eager patient in a doctor’s office awaiting the happy news.
For just a second, the world didn’t feel solid anymore. Gelatin. Yes, that’s the best way to describe how my body felt. My knees buckled, sending me falling clumsily to the floor. Keanu thrust his hands out to catch me. Holding me by my waist, he eased me to sitting.
“You okay?” He whispered, adding a small chuckle at the end.
Okay?
Why do people ask such stupid questions? I was far from okay.
I didn’t even know how to think at this moment. My brain was frozen in shock—or horror—I didn’t know which.
A baby?
“Talk to me. Please Cassia. I need to know…what you’re thinking.” Pleading with me, he sat on the floor in front of me and tried to make eye contact.
“I…uh…” I tried to communicate but the ability just wasn’t there yet.
Though I couldn’t speak any words, thousands of things were zipping through my mind at the speed of light. From the idea of a tiny heartbeat pulsing within me to the fact that my belly was going to swell beyond recognition to the unbelievable thought of pushing this being out of me.
A baby.
A person. A whole person. Growing inside of me, incubated by my body. Dependent upon me for every miniscule drop of nutrition, this tiny creature lived precariously within a dark corner of my body. It offered me the thing that no one else had in my entire life—it needed me.