Only nine years old, I wondered what kind of mother could abandon her baby. What kind of person leaves her child to live—or die—alone in a cave? What if the medicine woman, now my grandmother, hadn’t found me there? Would my mother have cared? Did she return to make sure someone had found me?
Reliving my past within my dream, I felt a lump in my throat form and a quiet sob escape me. Lucid enough to know I had company in my bed with me, I forced silence upon myself.
In reality, a search party found me eight miles from the reservation, face down and barely alive. In my dream, however, I found myself standing at the mouth of a cave.
The cave.
The one where I’d been left behind.
And then there was the number. In every dream, there is always the same number.
Two, in Roman numerals—II.
Entering the cave, I hear droplets of moisture echoing as they splatter against the rocks. A pungent mildew scent invades my nostrils causing them to flare. Gliding my hand along the rough terrain of the cavern walls to guide me, I move through the veil of darkness. The further I go, the more the shadows swallow the light.
I sense a presence in the cave with me, just behind me. Without turning around, I know that it is someone—or something—protecting me.
As the dream continues, I suddenly find myself lying upon the floor of the cave. Shadows move around me with haste, though I can’t see who’s making them.
Next, all I know is pain.
I am screaming in pain.
The dream suddenly ends with a blinding flash of white light.
Sitting straight up in bed, my hair plastered to my face from sweat, I breathe heavily as I try to slow my racing heart.
“Are you okay?” Keanu asked as he sat up and began rubbing my back.
Attempting to sound casual, I answer as I’m wiping the dampness from my face. “Yah, sure, just a crazy dream.”
Kissing my shoulder, his fingers slid around my side and down the muscle line of my stomach.
“Here, let me make you forget all about it.” His hot breath tickled my ear as he whispered.
Laying me onto my back, he positioned himself over me and began another rigorous love-making session.
Clutching his shoulders, I tried to focus on the task at hand. Tossing out the occasional moan for his benefit, I couldn’t get into the moment.
My mind was still whirling around the meaning of the dream.
The Roman numerals haunted me.
Two? Why two?
A quiet morning glow trickled in from between the slits of my long burgundy curtains. Keanu’s hulking shadow maneuvered stealthily in the middle of my apartment as I dramatically draped my arm across the bed toward him. Exaggerating a pout, I pushed my bottom lip out as I watched him get dressed beside the bed. Noticing my distraught expression, he reached his hand to my face and stroked my cheek.
“I have to go gorgeous, duty calls.” Extending his own bottom lip, he gave me an apologetic expression.
Smiling, I nuzzled his hand with my cheek and then kissed his open palm. “Okay,” I sighed, “if you must.”
Chuckling, he slipped his jacket on and then leaned over to give me a soft kiss good-bye. “See you later.”
Glancing back at me before closing the door, I thought I saw an expression of wistfulness.
Feeling pleased that it appeared he was going to miss me; I lay back onto the pillow and closed my eyes.
After resting a while, I decided to force myself out of bed.
Slipping into my clothes after a nice hot shower, I resigned myself to the idea of one last day of medical torture.
Adding a little color to my face with a touch of mascara, pink gloss and blush, I gave myself a quick smile as I thought of Keanu. He made me feel good, better than I’d felt in years. He made me feel wanted, a sensation that up until now had eluded me.
I knew I had abandonment issues, but who wouldn’t after been left in a cave by their mother?
Sure, my adopted grandmother loved me, but it was different.
I had so many questions and so few answers.
Grandmother would develop an odd, distant look in her eyes whenever I’d ask about the cave and how she found me. It always left me with a yearning to find out more.
The day I left for university, she sat me down and had a very strange discussion with me.
“Little one.” My grandmother began in her native tongue, enveloping my hands with her own. “The world can be very cruel, especially to outsiders.”
Rolling my eyes gently, I gave her a look that only a young, inexperienced girl can give. “I’ll be just fine. Don’t worry. I’m only going to school and besides, you taught me well.” Patting her hand, I tried to reassure what I considered to be over-bearing and paranoid behavior.
Her soft brown eyes searched my face, her years of wisdom etched into aged skin. Frowning, she left me with one last cryptic word of warning, “You are different Cassia…special. Don’t trust anyone.”
Her last words to me echoed in my mind as I left my apartment for my final guinea pig session at the medical department.
My breath made translucent clouds in the crisp morning air as I jogged lightly toward the east side of the university. Fall had settled on the Washington ground, leaving each blade of browning grass coated with tiny crystalline shards. The trees surrounding the campus each wore a white blanket of frost that clung to every branch and remnant leaf.
So beautiful.
I could feel my nose turning pink from the chilly air as I entered the front of the medical department. Rubbing my hands together and breathing warm air onto them as I approached the front desk, my body began to warm up.
The receptionist that I’d befriended days before sat with her head down, obviously concentrating on the paper in front of her.
“Hi there.” I stated cheerily, unraveling my scarf and removing my jacket.
Meeting my eyes, I was shocked to be greeted with a mixed look of nervousness and…fear?
“Um, hello.” She stuttered, her hands shaking as she handed me my release form.
“Are you okay?” I asked, feeling a bit offended.
“Oh! Yes.” A forced smile cracked across her face while she glanced down the empty hallways, apparently searching for someone.
“Right. Okay then, where to?” I felt myself grow cold with her behavior, my defense mechanism rising to shield me.
“Um, down the hall and to the left…it’ll say…um Psychiatric Ward.” Her eyes darted aimlessly around the room as she obviously avoided making eye contact with me, and was that…sweat!? Beading on her brow? Sweat?
What the hell?!
Turning abruptly, I walked quickly away from the crazy, rude receptionist. Looking back once, my brow furrowed as I saw her lunge for the phone and dial quickly.
Psychiatric Ward! Now what are they planning on doing to me? Electric shock therapy? Looks like the receptionist could use a good dose!
The halls felt eerily quiet, even more so than usual. In the distance, I could make out the sign I was looking for.
I wasn’t one to believe in hunches and intuition, but something about this visit was creeping me out.
As I turned down the hall, I bumped right into an assistant who I recognized from the first day of testing. As a reflex, I smiled apologetically.
The girl’s face paled more than I thought a human face could pale when she saw me. Tucking her chin into her chest, she darted past me and nearly ran down the hall toward reception.
Testing my breath quickly, I seriously wondered if I smelled bad or something. Smoothing my hair back and adjusting my clothes, I considered leaving. They had all been so polite and kind the first two days, why were these people acting so weird?