It would be nice if I had someone to talk to about all this. I’m so mixed up right now. Do I even have a right to demand he has sex with no one but me? If he did stray, I’d want to know because I think fidelity is important.
And then I guess we’d have to part ways. Would I be able to give him up?
Why do I always get so hung up on could-happens and planning my reactions to potential occurrences? I wish I could be more like Logan and not worry about such things. I guess he has more to teach me than just sex.
The rest of the day was busy and tonight I need to go through my notes and footage so I can get organized and figure out what other clips I need to gather at the next show.
Tomorrow is a travel day and I start the one-on-one interviews with the band members. I hope they trust me enough to give me some good insight into their lives.
I’m intensely curious about the woman in Dare’s past who took her own life and was apparently pregnant with Max’s child. Her name was Vic. I don’t think it’s proper to ask about her. It’s too personal to put in the book anyway.
But I can’t help but be curious.
It’s suddenly quiet in the arena. I think the concert is over. I better pull myself together before I have to face the band again.
Good night, Journal.
Hopelessly confused about Logan’s feelings,
Toni
Sixteen
Toni started when the sliding door banged open. She shoved her small pink journal into her messenger bag and looked up, surprised to see a winded, sweaty, red-faced Logan staring at her with wide eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asked, breathless.
She wrinkled her brow and glanced sideways. “Uh, yeah,” she said. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You ran off early in the show and never returned. I thought . . .” He wiped a hand over his face. “I’m not sure what I thought. I’m not used to worrying about other people, but apparently I begin to think they died or something.”
“In a gutter?”
“Obviously in a gutter. Where else would you die?”
She chuckled, flattered that he’d been worried about her. “Nope, I’m not dead. In a gutter or otherwise. I just needed to be alone for a while.”
“Why?”
“I take it you don’t hang around with many introverts.”
“You mean like Dare?”
Toni shrugged. She guessed that Dare was the most introverted of the band, but if he was considered introverted, then she was mega-advanced introverted. “I guess. I just get overwhelmed when I’m around too many people.”
“So I should leave you alone?”
“No,” she said and shook her head. “It’s only long interactions with crowds that bother me. I enjoy intimate gatherings.”
He grinned suggestively and wiggled her eyebrows at her. “I enjoy intimate gatherings as well.”
He closed the door behind him and crossed the room. He took the bag from her lap and set it on the shiny round white coffee table before the deep blue sectional. She crinkled her nose at him when her senses were bombarded by the musky, strangely erotic scent of his body. Why was the flesh between her legs suddenly throbbing? Could the scent of his sweat really turn her on?
“You’re all sweaty,” she protested when he pulled her to her feet and grabbed her ass to press her up against him—belly to belly.
“And you’re about to get that way.”
He kissed her neck, and an excited breath escaped her. Obviously encouraged by her response, he moved his mouth to her throat to suckle there, his tongue swirling in chaotic patterns against her tender flesh. Good God! Why did that feel so good? Logan’s mouth was on her neck, not at her breast, not between her thighs, and yet Toni was paralyzed by pleasure.
“Mmm,” Logan murmured against her throat. “I think I’ve discovered a new erogenous zone.”
He nipped her skin, and her entire body jerked. “Oh!” she gasped.
“Got yourself a vampire fetish?” he asked with a chuckle.
“What?” she managed to say. “No, of course not. Vampires aren’t real.”
“But I’m all about bringing your fantasies to life, babe. If you want to be banged by a sparkling dick, I’ll go get the glitter.”
She shook her head slightly, confused. She had no idea what he was referring to. “Wait. What? Why would your dick sparkle if you’re a vampire?”
“I’m a modern-day vampire. The kind that sparkles in the sun instead of bursting into flames.”
She laughed. “You’ve seen Twilight?”
He arched a brow at her. “Do I look like the kind of guy who would watch that girly shit?”
She bit her lip, not sure if she’d insulted him.
“Yeah, I’ve seen it,” he said. “Twice.”
“Twice?” She didn’t know why the admission surprised her so much.
“I watch all kinds of movies. The bus gets pretty boring, you know. But don’t tell the guys what I’m watching on my phone. They think I’m looking at porn.”
She laughed and hugged him. “You’re full of surprises.”
“Do you like surprises?”
“I like your surprises,” she gushed. “I love everything about you.”
His teasing smile faded, and his blue-eyed gaze locked on hers.
Crap! What was she saying? She was sure to push him away if he had any idea how much she already liked him. “I mean, I like everything about you as a friend,” she said.
He blinked, and his gaze shifted to her forehead. “Yeah,” he said flatly. “Friend.”
Did he not even want her in that capacity?
He took a deep breath, and his hands tightened on her ass. “So do you want the sparkle treatment or just plain dick?”
She laughed, glad the moment of tension between them had faded. She really needed to watch what came gushing out of her mouth. “Plain dick is fine.”
“Good, because I think we’re out of glitter and I need to be inside you right now.”
Toni flushed with pleasure. She’d never felt truly wanted before. People in her life needed her regularly—her sister, her mother, and she supposed even her editor, though there would be no admittance of that by Susan—but no one except Logan had ever made her feel the heady rush of being wanted. Or of wanting. She was certain his wants were purely sexual, but she wanted more than his body. She wanted his heart. The realization terrified her because she knew it would never belong to her in the capacity she desired and she was only setting herself up for heartache.
“Take your clothes off,” he said.
“Aren’t the others—”
“Toni.”
The mere utterance of her name in that tone made her throb with want. Maybe even need.
“Yes?” She looked up at him, and he removed her glasses, tossing them on the sofa.
“Take your clothes off.”
Her fingers trembled as she lifted them to unfasten the topmost button of her blouse. She stared at his slightly blurry shoulder, unable to meet his eyes, though she wasn’t sure why she was so embarrassed after all the intimate moments they’d shared over the past day.
“Look at me,” he demanded.
Her fingers went still on her buttons, and she forced her gaze to his. Her heart fluttered at the smoldering intensity in his pale blue eyes.
“Take your clothes off,” he repeated again.
She lowered her gaze and unfastened another button.
“Can’t you look at me and take your clothes off at the same time?”
She shook her head. “I can’t do anything but stare when I look at you,” she admitted, her blush spreading down her throat. “My fingers won’t work.”