13. This is no doubt an example of Louis’s procedural memory warning him of danger, as his instincts remembered the pain of being shunned by high school peers.
14. Regrettably, the woman in question declined to be interviewed for this report. We had hoped to discuss the incident with her and achieve a fuller understanding of what actually transpired, but we are able to infer certain things from the police report and interviews with homeless people who witnessed the incident from the moment Louis woke until his arrest. Louis at the time was not completely lost in his bestial personality, as he still wore clothes. According to the description provided by the police, he wore a brown sports coat over a navy blue T-shirt. He also wore tattered blue jeans and nothing on his feet. We assume his clubbing days were behind him.
We cannot be certain, but we believe he did not mean to attack the woman. Primitive humans, like their simian counterparts, often showed affection by grooming one another. This consists in part of picking insects out of each other’s hair. It is not inconceivable that upon seeing a pretty woman, Louis rushed to show affection by grooming her. Being a modern woman, she naturally became frightened by such attention.
15. Circling Louis was a risky move and could have ended disastrously. This is where a better understanding of the disorder is imperative, for it will lead to sounder methods of capture that will be safer for BEPs, rescue workers, and the community. It is not an exaggeration to state that the Cross River police, like many police departments across the country, approach most situations with their guns drawn and their fingers poised on the trigger, particularly if the suspect is, like Louis, African American. If police understand that a suspect is suffering from Reverse Animalism, they can use techniques of capture that do not involve killing or maiming. The authors believe police departments across the country should be trained to recognize the disorder and safely subdue suspects who may be suffering from it.
A 2012 study of the CRPD conducted jointly by researchers at Harvard University and Freedman’s University in Cross River (H. A. Colmes and Marjorie Ray, “Trouble in ‘Black Paradise’: Examining Race and Violence in the Cross River Police Department,” CrimCon 26, no. 3 [2012], 42–59) found that officers in Cross River, regardless of race, were more likely to use excessive and deadly force against African American and Latino suspects. It was determined that the CRPD, a largely African American force, was seventeen times more likely to use deadly force against minority suspects than similarly sized police departments. We do not intend to turn this study into an indictment of the CRPD. It is to their credit that Louis was not shot and killed during his capture.
Accepted techniques for subduing a Backwardly Evolved Person are not unlike techniques police already employ to capture wild animals. The use of stun guns, nets, and even tranquilizer darts can be very effective.
16. The stages of the disorder are the subject of ongoing debate. We have outlined them as we understand them:
• Stage I: BEPs withdraw from social activities. A preference for animal company over humans emerges, as well as an exaggerated empathy for animal suffering coupled with coldness toward human suffering. BEPs start showing a lack of control over base desires. Memory starts to fail.
• Stage II: BEPs may begin to mimic the behavior of domesticated animals. Activities such as eating pet food and forgoing the toilet bowl for the litter box are not uncommon. BEPs often develop a pattern of urinating, defecating, and masturbating in public. BEPs become lax in their hygiene, and their vocabulary begins to slip.
• Stage III: BEPs cease wearing clothing and speaking. They appear unable to comprehend human language. At this point, many researchers agree, forward evolution is unlikely, though there has been some progress with Stage III BEPs in recent years.
17. The Hottentot Venus was the epithet for at least two African women who were paraded around Europe as part of a traveling sideshow during the nineteenth century. Men were allowed to gawk at and touch their large buttocks, a feature that was a rarity in Europe. The most famous Hottentot was born Saartjie (pronounced SAR-key) Baartman in what is now South Africa. After her death the woman’s skeleton, genitals (which Baartman never allowed to be displayed while she was living), and brain were exhibited in a museum in France until 1974. Her remains were returned to her homeland only in 2002, seven years after South African president Nelson Mandela requested their return. It is this type of spectacle that the authors of this study have sought to avoid.
The Hottentot Venus was well known in her time and even after. In the 1939 cinematic version of The Wizard of Oz, Bert Lahr as the Cowardly Lion asks in song, “What makes the Hottentot so hot?” He answers his own question with the word courage. The correct answer, though it is not said in the film, would most logically be: her derrière. Or perhaps Wizard of Oz songwriters Yip Harburg and Harold Arlen meant that it took a certain measure of courage to live through such degradation.
The authors of this study do not adduce Lahr to be flip. Louis Smth, we believe, bears an uncanny resemblance to Lahr as the Cowardly Lion in both stature and complexion, particularly after his backwards evolution.
Ironically, though we sought to protect Smith from such an undignified exhibition, he would likely have been a big fan of the Hottentot Venus and, had he been living in Europe in the nineteenth century, would have gladly paid to gaze upon and fondle her backside without giving two thoughts to the racist and misogynist nature of such a display.
18. To be sure, there was much debate amongst the authors of this study about the proper course of action. We turned down a great deal of money to protect our integrity. B. J. Arcom of B. J. Arcom’s Traveling Parade of Oddities was particularly aggressive, offering hundreds of thousands of dollars, though he never breached the $1 million mark. We are all proud of our decision.
19. The Wildlands, as it is commonly known, is a largely undeveloped portion of town that borders several parts of Cross River. Hunting, fishing, building, and other activities are severely limited within its borders; however, there are corporate interests and politicians diligently working to change that. The Wildlands is a fascinating place to study, as much of it remains virtually unspoiled by human hands.
20. There is some evidence that Louis has even found a mate in Lily of the Valley, a female gorilla who escaped from the Cross River Zoo. She has thus far avoided capture, and one theory is that Lily has a more intelligent accomplice helping her flee.
21. The authors do not want to give the impression that we have turned a dangerous psychotic out into the Wildlands to terrorize an unsuspecting populace. We keep track of Louis’s progress by the use of an electronic tag implanted underneath the skin at the base of his neck. Often researchers travel to the Wildlands in order to observe his progress. One researcher, the late Dr. Adam Connor, who before his untimely passing left this project to serve in consultant roles at the Cross River Zoo and the Alfred McCoy Museum of Science, wrote an interesting journal entry about his first experience seeing Louis in the wild, from which we would like to quote:
On Seeing Louis Smith: My Encounter with Reverse Animalism
He’s a shaggy creature, like a Sasquatch, but not as tall as you’d expect one to be. I first saw him about an hour into my observation.