Nikolaus waits by the door, not really paying attention. Nazirah distantly hears him tell her that they will finish discussing this later, that he needs to get back to work, that she needs to go to class. But Nazirah is not concentrating on him. She is concentrating on what Adamek has just whispered, his words repeating over and over in her mind.
“And don’t you forget it.”
As if she could.
#
“What a day.”
Nazirah drops her heavy bag on the dead, withered grass next to Cato. It is Thursday, four days since she made her penitent return to classes, and she already feels overwhelmed with work. Her teachers weren’t understanding or lenient, hadn’t eased her back into things. They piled makeup assignments and extra credit essays on her with a smile, especially Bairs. Nazirah doesn’t want to do the assignments. She thinks that showing up is more than sufficient. But Riva encouraged education, and Nazirah doesn’t want to disappoint her any more than she already has.
“Rough day of class?”
Nazirah shoots Cato an annoyed look, sitting on the grass beside Lumi and Taj. They are lounging in a circle, on the grounds behind the main building, watching some younger rebel children play tag. It has been a beautiful day and the grounds are full of people relaxing before dinner.
“I got my paper on Zima back,” Nazirah tells them, stretching out her legs. “The bear was not pleased. ‘You should take your work in this class more seriously, Nazirah,’” Nazirah says, in a poor Bairs imitation. “‘Territory History is an essential foundation of our rebellion. It’s how the races learn about one another, how we realize we are all similar and connected.’” Nazirah scoffs, because the last thing she needs is yet another lecture.
“That witch,” says Lumi, her voice suddenly full of derision. Nazirah is surprised to find she and Lumi agree on something. “Can you believe she took points off my essay? How would she know anything about Zima? She’s a southerner!”
Nazirah smirks. It’s typical of Lumi to revolve the conversation around herself, but she still feels better about her own decimated essay.
“Don’t feel too bad about it, Irri,” Taj says kindly. “Bairs doesn’t like anyone.”
“Except you,” Cato says, and Taj smirks.
Like Nazirah, Taj is intermix. An orphaned refugee from a small village several hours north of Rubiyat, Taj has warm brown skin, an appreciative smile, and an eternally grateful disposition. He can’t read or write, so he completes his essay assignments orally. Taj is wicked smart and remembers nearly everything he hears. Nazirah wishes she could be more like him, wishes she could let the despair roll off. She doesn’t know how he manages to do it, continue smiling day after day.
Nazirah sighs. “She gave me so much makeup work today that I’ll be busy for a month.”
“If you need any help, you can always ask Ani,” Lumi says sympathetically. “She’s the brains of our family.”
Nazirah is thrown off by Lumi’s pleasantness. Everyone has been walking on eggshells around Nazirah since Monday morning, when Adamek first set foot onto the grounds. All Nazirah wants is for everything to return to normal and for everyone to ignore her again. That would be so nice.
“Thanks, Lumi,” Nazirah says, genuinely grateful for the tip. “How is she doing, by the way? I don’t see her around much.”
“Your guess is as good as mine,” Lumi sighs. She throws her hands up in exasperation. “I try to ask, but she won’t talk to me. Or my father. Or even Yuki.”
Nazirah is skeptical about whether Lumi has really tried to understand her reclusive sister, but she stays quiet. She feels guiltier now about not stopping to chat with Aneira in the girls’ lavatory last Friday.
“It’s a big change,” Cato says gently. He is resting on his palms, eyes closed. “Just keep trying.”
Lumi looks at him wistfully. “I’m sick of trying, Cato.”
Nazirah doubts Lumi is still talking about Aneira.
“I overheard Grum speaking with Badoomi today,” Taj says. “We’re starting actual combat training next week. Fun, yeah?”
Cato’s eyes pop open. Their combat class has, up until this point, basically consisted of studying battle techniques from strategy textbooks. Nazirah wonders if Adamek’s alliance with the rebellion has sped up the impending war. The thought of having to fight sooner does not cheer her up in the least.
“Fun,” she grumbles.
Silence becomes the fifth member of their circle. Even though they’re all recruits, it’s easy to forget, sometimes, what they’re really here for. Why they’re constantly going to classes, learning, and training. But at certain moments, like now, they’re given a harsh reminder. They’re preparing to become soldiers, tools, warm insurgent bodies. They’re preparing to fight a battle against the government, Medis, and Median allies. Many of them will die.
Nazirah looks at the children jumping rope and swinging nearby. She looks at her friends, at Cato, and she wonders.
Wonders who will be standing at the end of all this.
They stay like that, watching the late afternoon light dim, preoccupied by their own personal demons. Nazirah sees Cato stiffen. He is looking behind Nazirah, towards the picnic tables, surviving relics of a time long ago. She notices Lumi staring as well. Nazirah turns her head and sees Adamek sitting alone. The tables around him are empty, which Nazirah guesses is more by design than chance. He is deeply engrossed in reading something, not paying any attention to them. People shoot him nasty looks, mothers hold children tightly to their bosoms, but he takes no notice. Or pretends not to.
Nazirah faces the circle again, to find her three friends avoiding her. Everyone at headquarters has heard about Nazirah’s outburst in Nikolaus’s office, although no one, not even Cato, has asked her about it.
“You don’t have to tread so cautiously,” she says. “I’m not going to break or anything.”
Does saying it out loud make it true?
“No one would begrudge you if you did,” Taj says quietly. Nazirah looks at him, but doesn’t respond.
“It’s just so weird that he’s here,” Lumi jumps in eagerly. “I mean … not weird that he’s here outside … weird that he’s here in general.”
“Oh, because I wasn’t sure what you meant there for a moment,” Nazirah says. Cato shoots her a look and Nazirah shuts her mouth.
“He’s just … hurt so many people here,” Lumi continues. “I don’t understand how someone can suddenly change the beliefs they’ve been raised on.”
Nazirah looks again at Adamek, still absorbed in his book. “It’s simple,” she says. “They don’t.”
#
Half an hour later, Lumi and Taj leave to grab dinner. Nazirah and Cato linger behind. The sun is fading, covering them in a cool orange glow. The grounds are almost entirely deserted, as most of the rebels and children have meandered inside. Glancing casually at the picnic tables, Nazirah sees that they are unoccupied and covered in dark shadows.
Nazirah basks in the last rays of light, resting her head beside Cato and closing her eyes. The sound of Cato breathing puts her mind at ease. She doesn’t know how she could have done any of this without him. Her stomach turns at the thought of his family, whom he left on bad terms to come here. Cato never talks about them. Or maybe she just never asks.
Nazirah gets a sudden stroke of brilliance. She sits up, a quirk of a smile on her face. “What?” Cato asks, all too familiar with that look.
Nazirah doesn’t answer him. She hops up, brushing the dirt off her shorts. The wind has picked up, and her loose top blows everywhere. She smiles down at him, offering her hand. He warily grabs hold of it, standing. “Come on,” she teases. “I have an idea.”
“Which is?”
“Trust me?”
She is grinning widely now. Cato slowly nods, a smile of remembrance appearing on his face. Nazirah playfully grabs his hands. She begins walking backwards, pulling him forward with every step. Then she stops.
“We’re here!”
“Really, Irri?”
Cato watches in increasing recognition as Nazirah walks through the small gate in front of them. This is the only area of the grounds still bathed in an orange glow. The abandoned swing set that Nazirah has led them to shines like a beacon.