“I guess you’re back, then,” Nazirah replies.
Nikolaus has been away with Aldrik, Lord Grigori, and Adamek for over a week, on some impromptu reconnaissance mission in Osen. Nazirah didn’t find out he was leaving until after he was already gone.
Nikolaus rubs his temples, squeezing his eyes shut. He clearly doesn’t want to deal with this right now. “Cut it out,” he says. “This is my job. Sometimes I have to leave at a moment’s notice, especially now, when everything is starting to fall into place. God, you look like crap.”
“Gee, thanks.”
Nikolaus is pale and is limping slightly. Nazirah doesn’t know exactly what happens during these recon missions, but for Nikolaus to get hurt, they must be seriously dangerous.
Seeing the clear panic on her face, Nikolaus walks closer to her, making sure not to limp. He sits down beside her on the bed, taking her hands gently.
“I’ll just put this away.” Bilungi quickly finishes applying the salve and leaves them to speak privately.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he says calmly. “I have a good team.” He smiles, but the smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Nazirah can tell something is bothering him. No doubt it’s her.
“When did you get back?”
“Last night,” he continues. “And imagine my delight when Mather Grum cornered me in the hallway, ranting about how, for the last two weeks, you’ve refused to participate in any of his training sessions.” Nikolaus shoots her a curious look and Nazirah stares out the window. “He says that you’re making a fool of him and a mockery of his class. He says that you just stand there, allowing yourself to get beaten up, without trying to protect yourself.”
“He says a lot.”
“Nazirah,” Nikolaus warns, “I’m worried about you. I’m really worried.”
She looks into his eyes, finds deep sadness there.
“I’m pleased that you’ve started attending classes more and that you’re being somewhat proactive,” he continues, “but you need to be able to fight. It’s unlike you to shy away from something like this. Tell me what’s going on.”
“I just can’t do it, Niko.”
“Is it Grum?” he asks. “Is it your classmates? Are they picking on you or something? Do you want me to –”
“No it’s nothing like that,” she interrupts, shaking her head.
Nikolaus doesn’t seem convinced. “Look, I get that you’re small,” he says, trying to understand. “And that’s fine. You can’t help that; you’re built like Riva.”
“I’m not weak, Niko,” Nazirah says, through gritted teeth. “I just can’t do it.”
“Why not, Nazirah?” he asks, pleading with her now. “Let me in! Tell me what you’re feeling!”
“That’s just it,” she mumbles. “I don’t feel anything, anymore.”
The partition curtain slides open, revealing Adamek buttoning up the top of his shirt. Nazirah looks at him, bewildered. Again, he has been here the entire time? He has heard everything? He must have stayed deliberately … it can’t take that long to button a shirt. Nazirah is annoyed, but she’s secretly grateful to no longer be the sole focus of Nikolaus’s attention. She hasn’t seen Adamek in weeks, not since the night he and Cato almost got into a fistfight. His left shoulder is bandaged heavily under his shirt, but his face is completely healed.
“Morgen,” Nikolaus greets him swiftly. “Taking care of that shoulder?”
Adamek nods, raising an eyebrow at Nazirah. She must really look like crap. A second later, he’s gone, out the door, greeting Bilungi as he leaves.
“What a jerk,” Nazirah huffs. How Niko could act so civil with him, go on missions with him, is completely beyond her.
“You’re truly unbelievable.”
Is Niko actually defending him? Not only is Nazirah supposed to magically accept Adamek’s amnesty and tolerate his presence, now she has to also rejoice whenever he walks into the room? Her brother is a real piece of work.
“Thank you,” she snaps.
“Do you know what happened to his shoulder?” Niko asks quietly, taking a steadying breath. “We’ve spent the last week on the Oseni border, spying on Medi training camps. Near the end of the mission, we got caught, in a real bad way.”
“I don’t want to hear this!” she cries, covering her ears.
“You have to hear this!” he says, pulling her hands away. “I almost died, Nazirah! Morgen saved me. He got shot in the shoulder and stitched himself up on the battlefield, for God’s sake! I’ve never seen anything like it!”
“That’s gross.”
“That’s not the point.”
“And what is the point?”
“In the past few weeks, Adamek has proven countless times that he deserves to be here. He has risked his life for us, has helped our medical team, has given us detailed information and contacts.…” Niko trails off, looking out the window before refocusing on Nazirah. “The Medis, vicious though they are, are much more advanced than we. They have technology we could never even dream of, would not think could possibly exist. Without his help, we would have no chance of winning this.”
Nazirah crosses her arms. “Doesn’t mean I have to like him,” she argues. “And since when do you call him that?”
“What?”
“That.”
“… Adamek?”
“Yeah.”
“It’s his name, isn’t it?” asks Niko gently. “And no, you don’t have to like him. Contrary to what you may think, I’m not asking you to. But at least try to be civil, okay? Try to understand someone besides yourself, for once.”
“We have nothing in common.”
“Do you know that the Chancellor has renounced him? Has called him a brainwashed blood traitor? There’s a huge bounty on his head. His father wants him dead.”
“That makes two of us.”
“People can change, Nazirah.”
And don’t you forget it.
“Not him,” she whispers.
They stare sadly at each other, brother and sister at perpetual odds. Bilungi clears her throat from the far side of the room, indicating to Nikolaus that it’s time for him to go. He gets up to leave, but stops, speaking to Nazirah but facing the door. “Nazirah, I don’t know exactly why you’re against everything that I do,” he says. “I blame myself for a lot of the mess we’re in, but you’re the only family I have left. Our time, after hundreds of years of oppression, is finally coming. I don’t want to see you get hurt. I’m not sure why you’re refusing to fight, but I will get to the bottom of it. I need you to try … for me.”
Nazirah is finally alone. She watches the open door for a moment and then lays her head on the hospital bed. She stares at the ceiling. Nikolaus is right, for once. She can’t keep doing this to herself. And he doesn’t deserve any more pain, especially caused by her. She will try. For Niko, she will try. She doesn’t know if it will work, but it’s worth a shot. Nazirah doesn’t want to die, but she isn’t sure she wants to live like this, either.
Chapter Seven
A day later, it’s the blessed weekend, and Nazirah doesn’t have to worry about combat training for forty-eight glorious hours. She sleeps in on Saturday, letting her body fully heal. She doesn’t get out of bed until the sun is high in the sky. Rested and rejuvenated, Nazirah takes a long run outside. She lies in the overgrown meadow for a while. It’s nearly fall, but the Eridian heat never falters.
Nazirah meets up with Cato and the others for dinner, in unusually high spirits. Cato tells her that he and Taj have stolen some tequilux from Aldrik’s private stash, and that they plan to throw a party on the boys’ floor tonight. Nazirah promises to come, but says she has some work that she needs to do first. No one questions her, not even Cato, because Nazirah has had so many extra assignments due lately. And she’s not lying to them … not exactly.
Nazirah does have work to do.
Late that night, Nazirah puts on black sweatpants. She laces up her old tennis shoes and throws on a worn jersey top. Pulling her hair into a high ponytail, Nazirah looks at her reflection in the mirror. She is surprised and encouraged to see the determination on her face.