“That’s funny, princess,” he says. “Your father called me the same thing … before I shot him in the heart.”
Nazirah screams, throwing all of her weight onto Adamek and slamming her head into his face. He staggers backward, but she holds onto him. She chokes him with one hand, digging her fingernails into his wounded shoulder with the other. The pain in her head is blinding and her stitches have reopened. Blood drips into her eye and she feels about to blackout, but all she can think about is spilling the blood of Adamek Morgen.
Adamek hisses, wrenching her fingers away from his shoulder. He pulls her off him. She lands hard on the ground.
Nazirah jumps up and stands in front of him, gasping. She notices with satisfaction that his throat is covered with her claw marks. Nazirah glares, wiping blood from her eyes. He looks angry, yes. He looks like he’s in pain, good. But he also looks relieved. Like he has proven something to himself. Like he wanted this to happen all along.
Was this his intention in the prison as well? Had he wanted her to attack him, to fight him, to face him?
The guilt that’s eating Nazirah up inside is still there, but it’s different, somehow. She has finally confronted him. And somehow, she knows she won’t choke anymore. Somehow, she knows she can fight. And that’s a powerful feeling.
She hates him more than ever, but she’s also grateful.
“Why?”
He rubs his throat and rotates his shoulder gingerly. “You needed to be able to fight. You needed to let yourself fight.”
“That’s not what I’m asking.”
Nazirah sees the recognition in his eyes. “Don’t ask a question, if you don’t want to know the answer,” he says.
“Why did you do it?” she cries angrily, tears streaming down her face. She is letting him see her cry, but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care at all. She holds her stomach in her hands, completely losing it. Then, she pulls hard on his shirt. “Tell me why!”
His gaze is distant. “There’s nothing I can say that will bring them back. It was an order. I followed it. End of story.”
“End of story?” she sobs, hoarse. “If only my story ended there!”
“I warned you not to ask.”
“I hate you,” she says, completely raw. “I hate you so much.”
She walks away.
He lets her.
And she doesn’t realize, until much later, that she never asked him if he regrets it.
#
The next day, Nazirah makes excuses for why she never showed up to the party. She says she wasn’t feeling well, that she was swamped with extra work. And, thankfully, no one pushes the issue. When she shows up at the emergency room, early Sunday morning, even Bilungi says nothing. She only looks at Nazirah staunchly, closing her reopened stitches.
Monday afternoon, Nazirah walks into the gymnasium to find three additions to the class. Nikolaus, Aldrik, and Adamek stand in a small circle with Grum, speaking privately. Nikolaus seems to be reassuring Grum, who looks even more irritated than usual.
The remaining recruits slowly file into class, glancing curiously at them. Even Lumi, normally so aloof, flashes them a troubled look.
Nazirah tries to ignore them completely, increasingly nervous. She’s sure Niko wants to observe combat training to figure out exactly what’s wrong with her. But Nazirah already knows what’s wrong with her. And, judging from the livid look on Grum’s face, Niko’s good intentions will backfire spectacularly.
“What are they doing here?” whispers Cato.
Nazirah shrugs her shoulders. She has no idea what excuse Nikolaus has given Grum, Aldrik, or Adamek. She doesn’t think Niko would tell them the truth … that he’s worried his baby sister is losing her mind.
“What are you all looking at?” Grum snarls, glancing around the room. “Get into formation!”
The class shuffles, hastily forming their normal semicircle. Adamek, Nikolaus, and Aldrik do not stand with them, but rather lean against a nearby cement wall.
“Commander Nation, Morgen, and Slome have asked to observe our class today,” Grum begins lecturing. “I initially protested, because many of us,” Grum shoots Nazirah a pointed look, “are not yet where we need to be. However, the Commander insists. He wants to track your progress so that we can target and strengthen your weaknesses.”
Grum clearly doesn’t like Nikolaus questioning his methods or jurisdiction, and doesn’t believe his reasons. Cato squeezes Nazirah’s hand reassuringly, probably thinking the exact same thing.
Nazirah suppresses a small smile, glances at Adamek. She hasn’t seen him since Saturday night. Nazirah hopes that her newfound fighting ability holds, especially with her impromptu, deranged teacher watching her every move.
“Elder Grigori, Mays, you’re up first.”
Grum checks two names off his clipboard. Lumi and Ansel tense, walk into the center of the circle, and begin fighting. Lumi seems unusually distracted. Nazirah cringes as Ansel kicks Lumi hard in the shin, sending her sprawling to the ground. Lumi concedes, which Grum unusually accepts, and the fight is over.
It goes on like this for over an hour. Grum names two recruits, they fight, and then the process starts over again. It’s brutal to watch. It’s even worse to wait in nervous anticipation. Nazirah absentmindedly watches Cato battle Anzares. He intercepts her blows skillfully but doesn’t harm her.
Nazirah surveys the room, realizing that she’s the only one who hasn’t fought yet. Would Grum make someone fight twice? Or would she maybe not have to fight at all … Grum’s personal way of sticking it to Niko?
Cato holds Anzares in a firm bind on the floor, until finally she concedes and pushes him off her. He returns to his spot beside Nazirah.
“Nice job, Caal,” Grum says to him. “The Medis will appreciate your tenderness.” Aldrik snorts and Cato looks perplexed. Grum returns to his list, lazily running a finger down the column of names. “Let’s see here, who do we have next? Ah, here we go. Nation, step forward.”
Nazirah walks slowly to the middle of the room, looking around skeptically. Is Grum going to make her fight herself or something? That’s definitely the type of twisted scheme he would pull. Nazirah looks at Nikolaus for reassurance, but he is focused on Grum. He looks angry, like he knows something is off.
“Professor?”
“Yes, Nation?” asks Grum, setting down his clipboard.
“We have an odd numbers of students today.”
“Your powers of observation are astounding.”
“I don’t have a partner.”
“Thrilled as I am to see you taking an interest in your training,” Grum says, cracking his knuckles, “you are, as usual, wrong.”
“Who am I fighting?” Nazirah asks.
“Me.”
The entire class gasps. Nazirah is supposed to fight Grum? She glances over at Niko, whose fists are clenched. Adamek looks unsurprised. Aldrik appears positively appalled.
“Professor!” Cato speaks up immediately, completely distraught. “I volunteer to fight Nazirah!”
“That’s very sweet, Caal,” Grum says, walking slowly towards Nazirah. “But I don’t think she will benefit from having her hair stroked to death. And besides, you’ve already fought once today. We can’t have any favoritism here, can we?” Grum looks pointedly at Nikolaus.
Panic rises in Nazirah’s chest. Grum is clearly mad that Niko has shown up unannounced in his classroom, questioning his authority, and that Nazirah has defied him for weeks. Now, he intends to teach both Nations a lesson. Nazirah glances again at Niko, but she knows his hands are tied. Grum has set their fight up to seem coincidental. And if Nikolaus tries to intervene, it will look like he’s favoring his sister. Nazirah watches Aldrik storm from the room. Her eyes settle on Adamek, who gives her a small, imperceptible nod.
Nazirah watches as Grum gets into a fighter’s stance. But her thoughts remain on Adamek. He told her the first rule is to always know your enemy. And Nazirah does know Grum. She knows he’s big and threatening, but that makes him slow and cocky. She knows he has a huge ego, is not particularly intelligent, and would never imagine he could be outsmarted by a little girl. Nazirah knows he thinks she’s scared of him, is scared of fighting, and that she couldn’t possibly defend herself.