“What’s wrong?” she asks. Her voice is small and frightened. “Is Niko okay? Are we under attack?”
“He’s fine and we’re safe,” Cato says, taking her hands. “I don’t really know how to tell you this. I just … I didn’t want you to find out from anyone else.”
“What’s happened?”
His voice cracks. “It’s Aneira.”
“Is she okay?” she asks. Nazirah already knows she isn’t. Cato wouldn’t be here if she were.
He shakes his head. “She wasn’t happy here, Irri,” Cato says. “I think we all knew that. But no one could have known … could have ever imagined how unhappy. She’s at peace now.”
Nazirah lets go of his hands, shaking. This can’t be right. This has to be a dream, a mistake. This can’t be happening again.
Her parents, dead on the floor.
Aneira. Kind Aneira, who was always so sad and lonely. Who was going through an awkward phase without a mother to guide her, and now would never blossom. Who was ripped from her home and now would never return. Cato could say all he wanted. But this … this tragedy … could have been prevented. Should have been prevented. She feels sick. “Oh, God, Lumi!” she sobs, “And Yuki! Do they know?”
“They do,” he says sadly.
She feels dizzy, is having trouble forming cohesive thoughts. “When?”
“About an hour ago, outside,” he says. “She stole a gun from the armory.” Nazirah turns away from him, gagging. “She left a note.” Cato is having difficulty saying the words. “I heard the gun go off from my bedroom window. I ran outside and found her, but.…” He is crying too. He leans against the hallway wall for support, unable to finish.
Nazirah understands. The guilt and the grief, the feeling like you could have done more, if only you were there sooner. It’s the absolute worst feeling in the world. “There’s nothing you could have done, Cato,” she whispers. “You couldn’t have saved her.” Nazirah gently wipes his tears and wraps her arms around him, holding him tight.
“I wanted you to find out from someone you trusted,” he mumbles into her shoulder.
Where’s Lumi?”
“Outside with the others,” he says. “She won’t leave the body.”
Something intrinsic calls Nazirah to action. They can’t just stand there and do nothing, not while Lumi needs them. Nazirah grabs Cato’s hand lightly, pulling him towards the staircase. “Walk with me.”
Cato stops. “Nazirah, no!” he says sharply. “You don’t have to go down there. You don’t need to see that.”
“Lumi needs us right now,” Nazirah replies honestly. “How can I just go back to sleep, knowing what’s happening?”
Cato contemplates her words, searches for a counter-argument, but Nazirah has already won. Because this is the right thing to do, what they should have been doing all along. He nods silently, and she leads them downstairs.
In what feels like a surreal dream, they exit the staircase and make their way towards the back entrance. Only a few people are scattered throughout the hallways. Most of the rebels have not been notified yet. They remain upstairs sleeping, unaware. The ones that are awake embrace one another solemnly.
Outside, on the grounds, a large crowd of people gathers. A shroud covers Aneira’s body on the grass. Lord Grigori weeps over it, head in hands. Yuki clutches Lumi. She is only twelve, too young to understand, too old not to.
Bilungi is there, tears in her eyes and a firm expression on her face. She and several other healers light small red candles on the ground around Aneira’s body.
“It’s a Deathland tradition,” Cato whispers, “that helps the soul pass more easily into the afterlife.”
Nazirah is about to approach Lumi when Nikolaus spots her. He breaks off from speaking with Adamek and Gloom and Doom and walks towards her. He looks gaunt and exhausted.
Niko addresses Cato in hushed anger. “What is she doing here?” he snaps. “I specifically told you not to wake her.”
“Stop treating me like a child, Niko – like I can’t handle this!” Nazirah argues quietly. “I wanted to come – for Lumi, for Ani!”
Nikolaus is about to argue, but Aldrik pulls him aside. Nazirah wastes no time. She walks towards Lumi, who stares silently at the shroud. Yuki is gone from her side, trying to comfort her inconsolable father. Nazirah gently touches Lumi’s back. Lumi turns around, looking straight at Nazirah but not really seeing her. Once she realizes who it is, a moment or two later, she embraces Nazirah deeply.
The two of them stand there for a long time, both crying, both understanding the other’s pain. Bilungi and the healers finish lighting the candles. They chant and hum and pray. Cato comes up behind them. He holds Lumi as she collapses heavily on the grass, sobbing. Nazirah sits down beside them. Hundreds of candles flicker around her, but Nazirah feels no warmth from the flames.
Bilungi blesses Aneira’s body. Nikolaus and Aldrik gingerly lift the shroud, carrying her towards the hospital. The surviving Grigoris follow behind in a heartbreaking procession. Cato appears conflicted, wanting to stay with Nazirah but also wanting to make sure Lumi is okay. Nazirah waves him away.
Nazirah sits in darkness, sky cloudy and starless. It’s colder than usual, dead outside, the only light coming from the candles. Nazirah watches in a daze as the crowd thins.
The grounds empty. People awkwardly hover. They straggle, not talking to one another, not knowing what to do or how to act or who to be. Nazirah knows the feeling well.
Why did Aneira take her own life?
As the shock wears off, Nazirah feels the familiar pull of sadness and guilt. She cradles her head between shivering knees, not caring that her thin nightgown and bare feet offer little protection from the chill.
These deaths are all so senseless. Kasimir, Riva … now Ani. Why didn’t Nazirah talk to her more, appreciate her more? She knew she was lonely. Nazirah has no excuse for her actions, other than selfishness.
Someone sits down beside her on the grass. A mug of hot tea is thrust into her hand. “Cato, I’m fi –” Nazirah looks up, realizing it’s not Cato after all. “Is it poisoned?” she asks, trying to wrap her head around the fact that Adamek is here, offering her some type of comfort. She sees the hesitation on his face and takes a big sip without waiting for an answer.
“I guess we’ll find out soon enough,” he replies.
Nazirah stares at the negative space between the candles where Aneira’s body used to be. “Could have spiked it, at least.”
“Next time,” Adamek says without thinking. He cringes, fingering his pendant aimlessly. “That’s not what I meant.”
“It’s okay,” Nazirah says honestly. “I knew what you meant.” It feels strange to be with him like this, when just a week ago they were literally at each other’s throats. But it feels right too, somehow. Nazirah’s fingers idly circle the top of her mug. “Do you think she’s at peace now?”
Adamek shrugs. “Who knows?” he says. “Has to be better than this hell though, right?”
His honestly is refreshing. Cato and Nikolaus would tell her that of course she’s at peace. But how could they know for sure?
“What do the Medis believe happens in the afterlife?” she asks curiously, taking a sip.
“Medis don’t believe in an afterlife,” he replies. “Medis don’t believe in anything.”
Nazirah bites her lip, thinking hard. It makes sense. How could the Medis justify their cruelty, their savageness, if they believed in a moral code? “Nothing at all?”
Adamek stares at her. Nazirah is suddenly aware that she’s in her pajamas next to him. “If the Medis believe in anything,” he says, “they believe in power. And using any and all means to get it.”
“And is that what you believe?” she asks quietly.
“There’s something to be said for it,” he tells her, choosing his words carefully. “The power to make your own choices, the power over your own life, the power to be who you want to be, live where you want to live, love who you want to love.”