Lumi stiffens slightly at the mention of Adamek. As usual, Cato notices nothing. Nazirah doesn’t respond. If only it were that easy. If only she could just ignore him. “And think about the opportunity you have,” Lumi says, unusually compassionate. “To travel and really make an impact on the rebellion! You’ll see the country, including Zima! And you’ll get to go back home.”
Nazirah brightens considerably. “You’re absolutely right, Lumi!” she says. “I completely forgot, but Niko mentioned going to Rafu.”
“See?”
It’s definitely strange that Lumi could cheer Nazirah up better than Cato, but it goes with the rest of the day. “I think I need to sleep it off,” Nazirah says, forcing another bite of cake. “It’s been a really long day, for all of us. I’ll be fine tomorrow. Honestly.”
They both get the hint, standing up but still hovering.
Nazirah chews the cake slowly, hoping they leave before she either vomits or spills her guts. Cato gently squeezes her shoulder. Lumi, much to Nazirah’s surprise, embraces her awkwardly. They finally leave.
Nazirah immediately spits the cake into her garbage and returns to staring at the wall.
#
Monday comes mercilessly. Lumi left for Zima the night before. The lingering recruits threw one last party in her honor. They won’t see one another again for several weeks, when their fates will intertwine like the cord of a life preserver – or the rope of a noose.
Live or die, in it together.
Cato comes to Nazirah’s room as promised, completely hungover. His hair is still matted from sleeping. He stretches his stiff limbs before grabbing Nazirah’s luggage.
Nazirah slings her remaining bag over her shoulder. She didn’t know what to pack. Nikolaus told her to prepare for drastic climate changes throughout the territories. Nazirah’s already experienced the overwhelming dry heat of the Red West, but has no idea what to expect in Zima or Osen. She’s immensely excited at the prospect of seeing snow for the first time. But she doubts her usual shorts and light tops are appropriate there. And it’s not like she could afford anything else.
What is the face of the rebellion supposed to look like, anyhow? Nazirah feels completely unprepared.
“It’s going to be so weird without you,” Cato says.
In their thirteen years of friendship, this will be the first time they’ll be separated for more than a few days. Their relationship has been strained lately. There’s so much Nazirah has hidden from him in the past few weeks. She knows he’s picked up on her vagueness. Nazirah wonders if maybe this time apart will be good for them.
Cato carries her bags down the stairwell, yawning into his arm as they exit the staircase and walk towards the front entrance. Nazirah rolls her eyes. “You seem really broken up about it.”
He grabs her arm once they’re outside. “Hey,” he says gently. “Stop that. You know I’m no good when I’ve just woken up.”
“When you’re hungover, you mean.”
“Or that,” he says, smiling sheepishly.
“You clearly kept the party going after I left last night.” She laughs.
“I was drowning my sorrows over you leaving,” he says seriously.
Nazirah snorts. “I’m sure.”
“I really will miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too,” she sighs. “You’ll try to visit me when the campaign comes to the Red West?”
“If they let me off assignment,” he says, “in a heartbeat.”
“Well … convince them,” she says.
Someone coughs loudly. They turn, spotting Aldrik, Nikolaus, and Adamek waiting by the car. Nazirah walks over to greet Nikolaus as Cato puts her luggage in the trunk. Aldrik huffs as soon as Nazirah moves from the entrance, getting into the driver’s seat.
Nazirah is annoyed. “I’m not late,” she says to Nikolaus, standing up on her tiptoes to give him a light hug.
Nikolaus returns it with unusual enthusiasm. “I didn’t say anything,” he tells her.
“I’m actually early,” Nazirah continues, “so you can go ahead and tell Aldrik right now to stuff the attitude.”
“I’ll pass,” he says. “I’m just happy you showed.”
“Someone has to represent our family.”
“Be safe, Nazirah,” Niko says. “I’ll be checking in with Aldrik daily to get updates. I know you’ll make us proud.”
Cato’s hug lasts much longer. Nazirah closes her eyes, trying to relax. She doesn’t feel confident. She doesn’t know how she can do any of this. She pulls away from Cato slowly, aware of several pairs of eyes on them. Cato smiles sleepily. “What’s that stupid saying, Irri?” he asks. “It’s not ‘goodbye,’ it’s ‘see you later?’”
Adamek snorts and Cato shoots him a glare.
“You’re such a clown,” Nazirah says, laughing.
“I brought this for you.” He pulls something out of his sweatshirt. It’s Nazirah’s favorite picture of them, the one of her smiling and holding the fish. “Something to remember me by,” he says, looking at Adamek, “When I’m not around to protect you.”
It’s a beautiful gift, more than she could have hoped for. Nazirah hugs the frame tightly to her chest, suddenly afraid of saying goodbye, afraid of losing him entirely. “Thank you,” she whispers.
“I can’t follow you this time, Irri. But I’ll always be with you,” he says.
“Please be careful.”
“I will,” he says. Hesitating, he adds, “if you see my family, just … just tell them I love them. Okay?”
Nazirah nods. “I will.”
Cato leans into her. “Watch your back,” he whispers into her ear.
“I’ll be fine.” She smiles and gives him a chaste kiss on the cheek.
“Touching as this heartwarming display of affection is,” Aldrik says, leaning his head out the window, “we’re expected in Rafu before the end of the war.”
Nazirah bites the inside of her cheek, trying not to laugh. She gives Cato one final quick hug and then slides into the backseat of the car. Adamek follows her lead, sitting on the opposite side. Aldrik fires the ignition and the car begins moving. Nazirah watches as Cato and Nikolaus get smaller and smaller in the distance. They are waving dots for a while as the car exits the various security gates leading out of the compound, and then Nazirah cannot see them at all anymore. She faces forward, into her new reality.
The ride to Rafu is silent and awkward. To distract herself, Nazirah stares at Cato’s picture. She smiles, gently tracing her fingers over the seashells on the frame. Adamek runs a hand over one. “If recon doesn’t work out,” he says dryly, blowing glitter off his fingertips, “Caal definitely has a backup career in the arts.”
“His little sister glued them on,” she says, unable to look at him. Nazirah is still pretty distraught over what she saw in the Iluxor, and she doesn’t know how well she can hide it. She also hasn’t been home since her parents’ funeral. The thought of returning with him, of all people, feels entirely wrong.
They begin passing familiar scenery. Large sand dunes run perpendicular to alabaster cliffs. The paved roads narrow, crack, and eventually become impacted dirt. The houses shrink, sinking to the ground. They transition into the familiar beach bungalows and cottages of Nazirah’s youth. Children cycle on bicycles, standing on the pegs, laughing and racing. This is southern Eridies, birthplace of stolen kisses under the boardwalk, endless summer days, and sticky heat.
Aldrik turns down a familiar dirt road. Nazirah catches a glimpse of ocean in the distance and recognizes the area immediately. The car stops in front of a dilapidated inn. The engine has barely died before Nazirah is pushing open the door. She sets her feet on solid ground eagerly. Standing up, Nazirah smells the salty air and hears the welcoming cry of seagulls.
Rafu is her home and Nazirah misses it so much it hurts. But all of it hurts. It hurts to stay away. And somehow, it hurts even worse to return.
Chapter Fifteen
The inn is even seedier inside, but Nazirah doesn’t complain. After several bribes, the innkeepers allow the three of them to stay there and host a few small meetings. Aldrik hands Nazirah her room key, telling her to meet in the lobby in an hour. He leaves without another word, heading straight for the bar. Nazirah sighs, setting off down the musty hallway. He’ll clearly be looking out for her the entire time.