“Why am I not going to this?” she snaps, insulted by Aldrik’s crass words.
Aldrik gives a short, barking laugh. “Nation,” he says, “maybe you’ve misunderstood your purpose here. You’re not expected to actually negotiate with the sundry civilians we meet. Your job, as you said before, is to be a pretty face … a face of forgiveness. Tomorrow afternoon, we’re going to visit an intermix slum. That’s all on you. So get some rest, pray to whoever you intermix pray to for a lesson in compassion. Or deception … I’ll take that too. And don’t leave your damn room. I can’t have you wandering off, alerting the whole country to our location.”
Aldrik slams the door shut behind him. Nazirah rubs her temples, eager to be free of them both. She soon realizes, however, that Adamek still leans nonchalantly against the wall.
“That’s cute, Nation,” he says. Adamek walks towards the window, nodding to the random figures Nazirah drew in the dust. Much to her chagrin, he doesn’t leave, instead sitting down in the seat Aldrik just vacated. He looks at the picture Cato gave Nazirah, picking it up from her nightstand. “Yes … real cute.”
“Why are you still here?”
He remains fixated on the photo, ignoring her question. “Never would have taken you for a fisherman.”
Nazirah reaches for the frame, but he doesn’t return it. “I’m not,” she says. “Cato caught it.”
Adamek smiles cruelly. “Caal catches the fish, but not the girl,” he says. “Story of his pathetic life.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what you think it means.”
“I can’t be caught, Morgen,” Nazirah snaps. “Not by Cato. Not by anyone.”
“Saying something out loud doesn’t make it true.”
“Are you calling me a liar?”
“I’m not calling you anything,” he says. “Who was that guy today?”
“Who?”
“The one who wanted to string you up by your jugular.”
Nazirah groans. “That would be Cander Caal.”
“Caal?”
“Cato’s older brother,” she explains.
Adamek looks at the picture again before setting it down loudly. “Of course it was.”
“What do you want?” she asks.
Adamek leans back casually against the window. “Just trying to figure out what you see in that loser,” he says.
“Cato’s not a loser!” Nazirah says. “He’s the best person I know, the best friend I’ve ever had! He’s kind and selfless. He’s always there when I need him. Cato’s been more of a brother to me than Niko ever has.”
Adamek stifles a yawn. “Let me stop you right there,” he says, “while I go and find my violin.”
“Cato is a good guy,” she hisses spitefully. “He doesn’t fuck every girl he can get his hands on.”
Adamek’s eyes flash dangerously and he leans in close to her. “I guarantee you he isn’t happy about that.”
“I mean that he doesn’t use girls,” she stresses. “He’s not like other guys.”
“Not like me, you mean.”
“You said it, Morgen,” she tells him. “Not me.”
“You know what,” Adamek says coldly, “fuck you, Nation. You know shit all about me and my life. And you might want to take another look at your so-called best friend before running your mouth again.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not,” he says, smiling nastily. “Do you really think he slept alone last night?”
Nazirah is afraid Adamek might be telling the truth. “Can you just go?”
She doesn’t expect him to and he doesn’t disappoint. She wonders if this is Adamek’s personal retribution for her reaction to Cander’s question. As soon as Nazirah thinks it, she knows she’s right. “You ever wonder why no one tells you anything, Nation?” he asks quietly. His voice is even, but Nazirah can sense the hardness behind it. “Why people never confide in you? You tell yourself alone at night it’s because you’re better than they are. They know you’re not interested in their petty gossip, because you’re above it all. But that’s not it.” He leans even closer, placing his hands on either side of the mattress. “No, that’s not it at all.”
“What is it, then?” she asks softly, hating that she’s allowed him to crawl under her skin.
He pulls away. “It’s because no one wants to hear holier-than-thou judgment, especially coming from a frigid prude like you. Something no one wants from you anyway.”
“You wanted it,” she says defiantly, bringing up the taboo topic neither of them has discussed since that day in the classroom.
Adamek rises, causing Nazirah to stumble backwards. She stands on the opposite side of the bed. He swiftly walks around it. “I wanted to knock you down from your self-constructed pedestal, you selfish bitch.”
Something about his words seems inauthentic, almost like he’s trying to convince himself of their truth. “I don’t believe you,” she says boldly. “Why did you show me the same memory as Cato in the Iluxor?”
“I thought that much was obvious,” he says, a little maliciously. “I wanted to show you something I knew your fragile mind could handle, so I used what I had already seen. It was an added bonus that it didn’t have your parents.” He takes a step forward, cocking his head slightly. “Was that not what you wanted to hear, princess? Did you want to hear that I was jealous? That I wanted to see you like that? You’re sorely mistaken.”
“If that’s what it takes to let you sleep at night,” Nazirah says, tired of this game.
She pulls the door open for him. He slams it shut again with one hand. “What do you know of sleepless nights?” he asks.
“A lot actually,” she snaps, “thanks to you.”
They glare at each other, the moment extending for an eternity. A couple, clearly inebriated, stumbles drunkenly into the hallway. The sound of their loud laughter snaps Nazirah and Adamek out of it. Adamek wrenches the door open. “People are complex, Nation,” he says quietly, before leaving. “No one is perfect, not you, not even your precious Caal. Just remember that. A man is not defined by one thing.”
The room feels blissfully empty without his presence. Nazirah throws herself onto her bed, inhaling deeply. She yells out, sitting up, because the scent of Adamek Morgen is everywhere. It is in the air, in her pores. It is spice and cardamom and sage. He has invaded her room, invaded her head. He has completely invaded her life.
Nazirah grabs an old cap of Cato’s and pulls her hair up into it. She walks out of the room, exiting the inn, desperately in need of fresh air. She doesn’t care if she sees Adamek or Aldrik. She doesn’t care if anyone recognizes her. She needs to get away from here, away from him.
She heads out into the darkness, searching for solace but fearing she may only find solitude.
Chapter Sixteen
Shadows drift over Nazirah like smoke across water. She walks cautiously through the familiar streets, keeping her head low, avoiding the main thoroughfares. Nazirah cuts across town fairly quickly. It’s late now, so dark that she can see barely a few feet in front of her.
Rafu is changed. It’s quieter, more desolate and impoverished than Nazirah remembers. Several of the bungalows are dilapidated, boarded up with musty wooden planks. Beggars on the streets shakily wave tin cans, wailing babies in their arms. Nazirah hugs her chest as she passes. In the air is the chill of misery.
Nazirah doesn’t know where she is going until she is already there. Turning onto the Caals’ street, Nazirah realizes that she has been walking there all along. She breathes in the smell of the surf: salt stinging the air, mulch, and seaweed.
Nerves crawl over her, itchy and restless. What if Cato’s family rejects her, doesn’t want to see her? She already knows how Cander feels, but what about the rest of them? Would they harbor so much resentment as well? It would devastate Nazirah to be turned away. The Caals have been like family since she was a little girl. She has always been welcome in their home, even though she is intermix. Even though she is a troublemaker who stole their son’s heart and then stole their son for good measure.