“I told you already,” she snaps; “I was curious! I needed to know I could trust you!”
“Liar! You’ve been searching high and low for something – anything! – to latch onto! Something to redeem me, make me less of a monster in your eyes. Something to make this pesky attraction you have for me acceptable. But you can’t find it, Nation.” He leans into her, whispers, “Because I am a monster.”
“You’re wrong!”
“Am I?” he asks. “Face it. You want it just as much as I do, but you’re scared. You want to be with the man you wish I were. And you’re afraid to be with the man I actually am.”
“Get out.”
“Don’t worry,” he says, throwing his arms up. He backs away from her, at the door now. “I’ll leave you, princess. Just answer me one final question.” Nazirah crosses her arms protectively. “Why wouldn’t you let me kill Ramses?”
She stiffens. “Like I said, there was already too much violence.”
“That’s what you said. But what’s the truth?”
“You want the truth?” she spits, crossing the room and standing before him.
“I want you to tell me what I already know!”
“Fine!” she says. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you killing anyone else!”
“Thank you,” he says, unreadable.
“Anytime,” she responds. “Now get the fuck out.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
They leave for Valestream at dawn, with Nazirah running on fumes. The abrupt return of her natural appearance goes unquestioned. Aldrik, abnormally chipper, assumes the MEDIcine has worn off. Luka shoots several suspicious looks Nazirah’s way but doesn’t say anything. Adamek doesn’t even acknowledge her.
The three campaigners enter a waiting truck in the underground garage. Nazirah spends the following hours curled up in the backseat, ignoring everyone.
Nazirah rose early, unable to sleep. She bathed in a wooden soaking tub filled with mountain water, heated by sizzling fire stones. Nazirah scrubbed her lips until they bled, trying to erase all traces of him, of what they did. She cried into her knees, alone in the dark, until the water turned icy.
Submerging entirely, Nazirah sank into divine inexistence, nothing but a bag of bones, atoms, and collapsed matter. She sank far down and she tried to stay, there, in that black hole of nothingness. But it spit her out. Lungs about to burst, Nazirah returned to the surface, a sputtering, gasping mass of being.
This needs to stop.
“There is only one path to redemption,” Nazirah whispered, remembering her promise. “You know what it is.”
Truthfully, Nazirah isn’t sure what she knows.
The truck zooms along. Nazirah sits up slowly, blinking into the bright sunlight. She looks out the window, finds that the barren north has become intensely green. Green like emeralds, green like envy. Green like the eyes of someone she has spent hours avoiding.
The mountain ranges have been replaced by lush, rolling hills. The ice has melted, forming freshwater streams and creeks. Trees, taller than Nazirah ever imagined, blanket the vivid sky. Osen was the cradle and rattle of Kasimir’s childhood, the rock of his youth, the muse of his adolescence. It was his first love, his lifelong love.
But not his one love.
Coming here is surreal. Nazirah was once so excited to visit Osen. But that was in the beginning of the campaign, when the threat of war seemed distant, when Eridies was not under attack, when life made more sense.
The truck rolls to a stop. Nazirah steps outside and stretches. A soft breeze caresses her cheek. The scents of pine and grass saturate the air. Valestream is breathtaking, an architectural wonder. Impossibly large oak trees abound, a legion of bark and leaf. An entire village, built high into the trees and surprisingly modern, connected by rope bridges and winding stairs pegged into thick trunks. Several loggers and carpenters hum in the distance, familiar childhood melodies, lullabies Kasimir would sing to send Nazirah to sleep.
The villagers swing axes effortlessly, bringing down timber without ceremony. Nazirah closes her eyes, inhaling, turning her face upwards. She can almost feel Kasimir’s presence floating somewhere in the treetops.
Aldrik stands beside her, cracking his neck and rolling his shoulders. “They expect us to sleep in a damn tree?” he grumbles. “We’re not a bunch of monkeys.”
“I think it’s amazing,” Nazirah says candidly.
Adamek snorts. “Good luck crossing those bridges on your own.”
Nazirah glares at him. “Somehow, I’m sure I’ll manage.”
“I’m sure you will.”
“Irri!”
Nazirah whirls around. Lumi and Taj wave at her, smiling and sitting on a bench carved into the base of a tree. Nazirah abandons Aldrik and Adamek, running over to them. Overjoyed, she gives them both huge hugs. Lumi’s hair has grown a bit longer and Taj has slightly more muscle. But they both appear largely unchanged. Their constancy amidst the chaotic gyre of Nazirah’s life lifts her spirits.
“Who are you, and what have you done with Nazirah Nation?” Lumi asks. She pulls away, taken aback by Nazirah’s friendliness, making room on the bench.
Nazirah smiles widely, never happier to hear her dulcet tones. “What are you doing here?” she asks breathlessly. “It’s so good to see you!”
“I was called back from assignment a week early,” Lumi responds. “I traveled through Valestream last night, where Taj was. We heard you were passing through today and decided to wait for you.”
“You did?”
“We needed a ride.”
Lumi hits Taj’s arm. “We may have also desired safe passage into Krush, considering the current circumstances.”
“You mean your uncle’s troops?” Nazirah asks.
Lumi sighs. “Yes,” she says. “My uncle is completely incapable of doing anything right. But with the troops already breaching Krush, set to reach the compound within a day, it’s best to take precautions. He’s psychotic and unpredictable.”
“Why would Gabirel send him in the first place?” Nazirah asks. “And to burn everything on foot? Why not send the Medi troops in choppers?”
“Because,” Lumi scoffs, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, “this isn’t the fight yet, Nazirah. It’s a fight … but not the fight. It’s meant to intimidate us, instill fear. Or maybe overconfidence, knowing Ivan’s ineptitude.”
“How have your travels been?” asks Taj, trying to lighten the mood.
“It’s been unreal,” she replies. “It was so good to go home, even for a little while. And the Red West was fascinating … once you got used to the dust. The music, the food, the dancing … everything was intoxicating.”
“I know,” Taj jokes. “You Eridians cannot dance.”
“Hey!” Nazirah says. “I’m only half Eridian.”
“From what I’ve seen,” he replies, “the Oseni aren’t much better.”
Adamek and Aldrik climb some stairs as they talk, entering one of the larger buildings lower in the trees, Valestream’s visitor lodge. Nazirah doesn’t move to follow. There’s nothing on the agenda until tomorrow morning. And right now, Nazirah could not care less about campaigning.
“Zima was so beautiful, Lumi,” Nazirah continues. “We were in Shizar for less than two days, but it was worth it. I got to see snow for the first time, and the mountains.”
“It’s wonderful, isn’t it?” she says. “Returning to Zima and working in the hospital was exactly what I needed. Helping those people grounded me … after everything.”
Nazirah nods in understanding. Walking down the streets of Rafu centered her, too. Seeing the slum put her upbringing into perspective. And Lumi does seem more at peace. Although Nazirah knows the grief from Aneira’s death still lurks painfully below the surface. “That’s great, Lumi,” Nazirah says. “Although it wasn’t so wonderful to learn about the intermix situation in Shizar. I wish you warned me.”
“I know,” she sighs. “But I wanted you to give Zima a fair shake.” Nazirah only shrugs. “Tell us though, what’s been happening with the campaign?” Lumi glances briefly at Taj before continuing. “There have been so many rumors circulating about you! No one knows what’s fact or fiction.” She lists the juiciest gossip on her delicate fingers. “You and Adamek Morgen are forbidden lovers … you were caught in some insane fire … you were attacked by a psychopath.…”