s, keep a slim stomach, don’t drink much, at least Mommy doesn’t if at all — beer here, beer a week later — and I’ve come down a lot the last couple of years too, maybe one shot every other night’s the extent of my heavier booze, and only to relax me. Vitamins, and we don’t smoke and I never have, sufficient sleep, things like that. Have a good attitude or good enough, I think, especially Mommy, who never lets the nuisance things annoy her as they sometimes do me. And I’ve never really been sick yet with anything worse than a bad flu a few hundred times — exaggerating; Mommy once had her appendix out but that’s all, other than for a mole or beauty mark she tore on her back and which had to be removed. Ooh, I’m sorry. So, I might live, and Mommy for certain, and also because she’s eight years younger than I, long enough to take advantage of this live-forever-if-you-want drug or discovery too.” “Good, we’ll all live forever together,” Julie said and he said “No, you and Margo will have to get out of the house after a while — we’d want you to, you would too, to do things, have homes of your own. But there’ll always be room for you with us, always, I promise. But you gotta give me some peace sometime, sweethearts, you gotta. Only kidding,” when he looked in the rearview and then quickly around and did see her face, “stay with us forever. We’d love for you to, me no more than Mommy, I mean ‘no less,’ meaning a whole lot, I mean it,” and he drove. Time when she was seated beside him in the car and the street they were on was blocked by a tree that had fallen across it, firemen in helmets cutting it apart with power saws, crowds in this normally quiet neighborhood where maybe the most you see when you drive is another car and occasionally someone jogging or walking a dog or two women together pushing strollers, local TV remote team, policemen, one pointing angrily at him to turn around as if, like his father used to say, “What’re you, a dumbbell, it’s right in front of your face,” and she asked what happened and he said “What you see — did you see it? This huge tree must have lost its roots or gotten hollow inside by termites or some other thing, a tree disease, without anyone knowing it till this happened, and fallen,” and after about a minute, when he was looking for another side street to get to the avenue he wanted, she said “What if someone put me in front of that tree and I ran away?” and he said “You mean what would I do with the guy who put you there, for of course I’d be deliriously happy you ran away,” and she said yes and he said “And put you there before the tree fell, right? for you got to know when to use ‘had’ in a sentence or to put in helpful phrases like ‘before the tree fell,’ and when not to,” and she said “What would you do though?” and he said “I’d try to catch him and then hold him for the police,” and she said “That’s what I thought you’d say,” and looked front and continued to be serious awhile, he was glancing back and forth at her, trying to figure out why she’d asked that and did she mean he should have said something else? and what was on her mind now, when she said “What if a tree fell on a house — it would make the rain come in but would it kill somebody inside?” and he said “It would make a big hole in the roof and if it was a direct hit, meaning right through the center and someone was directly underneath, and the house was only one story, yes, it could kill someone inside,” and she said “What if it’s a brick house?” and he said “But the roof wouldn’t be brick; at best it’d be made of slate which is probably just a little stronger than the shingles we have on our roof, so again, direct hit and only one story? — maybe somebody would get killed, but the brick walls might stop the tree from going all the way to the floor where the person is,” and she said “If the person is lying under a table would it help any if it wasn’t a brick house?” and he said “Maybe by a tiny amount. But a tree falling down would be gaining speed fast, even if it was slightly stopped by the roof, so I think a direct hit on the table in a one-story house would still kill him,” and she said “We have two stories, right?” and he said “Two and a crawl space, so we’re much safer from a tree falling than a one-story person is if we’re on the first floor,” and she said “And if we were in the basement?” and he said “If we’re in our basement and a tree falls, nothing would happen to us except maybe a little soundproof ceiling tile breaking on our heads and making our hair dusty,” and she said “Would we be dead if the tree fell on our car?” and he said “A tree that size? Did you see how big and round it was? Six of my arms couldn’t have got around it, and it stretched across the entire street into the house-across-the-street’s front yard. And it looked like an oak, a very heavy tree — I got a quick look at its leaves, tree must have been at least a hundred years old — so yes, I think we would, even with a steel or whatever metal’s used for the car roof instead of a house’s shingle or slate, much as I hate the thought of anything like that for you. I also think I’m wrong about a slate roof being even a bit stronger than our shingle,” and she said “What if we’re in the front seat and the tree falls in the back?” and he was about to say “This isn’t a city bus, know what I mean?” but looked at her, she didn’t seem scared, was serious, just wanted to know his answer and he said “Then I think we’d be saved, though maybe bounced out of our seats but probably onto someone’s cushioned front lawn,” and she said “No, we’d still be in our seats buckled in, but I think we’d be out of the way of the tree, so saved too,” and he said “So we agree, good,” and wondered “What brings all of this stuff up?” but didn’t want to ask because didn’t want to continue it, and she took from that little well in the door to hold things like change or a pen or just to hold on to or whatever it’s for, two figures Margo had made for her out of pipe cleaners, or made for herself and Julie had taken from the house before she left, and started walking them together up opposite arms till they met on her chest and then held them high and said “This one’s Millicent, other’s Magnificent, say hello,” and he said “Hello, girls, how’s it going? nice names, twins I suppose,” and she said “No, they’re different colors,” and he said “Oh,” and drove. Time they were in the Aquarium on line for the second floor, kids up front, he several people behind and they were standing by the escalator entrance just looking at the ground and he wondered why they were staying there with so many people behind them wanting to get on. Maybe looking at the flat steps sliding out of the opening and slowly popping up, and after a while when there was a long line behind him he said “Girls, what’re you doing? stop fooling, people want to get on,” and Margo scowled at him, Julie was hidden behind some people now, a man near them said to him “There’s a lady here trying to get her stroller on, it’s not them,” and he said “Sorry, thought it was my girls, sorry,” and the man cocked an eyebrow and faced front and the woman and man behind her holding the front of the stroller with the kid in it and the girls and the man from before got on, and when he got off the escalator and looked for his kids he saw the woman un-snapping her boy from the stroller and he said “Excuse me, you must have been bent over taking care of him when I yelled and I didn’t see you, so I thought it was my girls holding up the line,” she didn’t say anything, shook her head as if he was terrible in some way — way he treated his girls, way he just shouted out like that without knowing what was going on, that he was lying and had seen her but used the girls-excuse as a way to get her to get the stroller on the escalator faster and which might have turned it over and hurt her child — more people are hurt on escalators, he once read, than in proportion — in ratio — how do you say it? — to people hurt on any other moving conveyance including cars — and he said “Anyway, I’m sorry,” and went to his girls, Julie seemed embarrassed by him, Margo gave him a dirty look and he said “I know, you both, I done wrong, I thought it was you two holding up the works downstairs, and don’t say it, I shouldn’t have yelled out, but I apologized to the woman with the stroller and she said she understood, she’d done it once herself but not at the Aquarium,” and Margo said “Yelled? You screamed like a hyena, making everybody wonder,” and he said “Who screamed? And after I explained, nobody wondered. I spoke loud, loudly — maybe not even a yell — to reach over the heads of the people in front of me, that’s why. Anyway, it’s crowded here, there really should be more space for people, with all these exhibits on both sides, so stay close,” and took Julie’s hand and she pulled it away. Why? he thought, looking at her, and she looked away. Because Margo’s mad and she thinks she’s got to side with her? She’ll cut you out of her will if you don’t? Ah, okay, better he keeps his trap shut when she gets like this — hey, he’s learned that much — and in a few minutes, so long as he doesn’t touch her or make any signs to try and reconcile her or look at her searching for some clues to her mood — if he did she’d say “What, what’re you looking at me like that?”—it’ll be over; usually. Half an hour later or so — nothing more was said about the escalator incident, he didn’t stare at her, acted as if nothing was wrong and everything was normal, and it really did seem things were back to being okay between him and them — they were in the basement cafeteria waiting for the dolphin show to begin, and first they didn’t want anything when he said he was getting himself a coffee, they wanted to look in the gift shop a few minutes, so he said okay, “but you know I’m not buying you anything in there, if you want something it’s with your own money if you brought any with you, for I’m not loaning you any either — I mean, that junk, once we get home, just gets lost, is wasted,” “We said we only want to look,” Margo said, “and they have some very good things, even Mommy said so, ecology things, and I still have that shark mobile you bought me when Julie was just a baby,” and he said “Yeah, ecology — you mean the ecology market, come on, go,” and he sat with his coffee at a table, they came out of the shop and Margo said they were hungry now and wanted a hotdog and soda, “No soda, your teeth,” he said, “and you’ll eat a hotdog each? — they’re two bucks here, I don’t want to waste any more money,” and Julie said “When did we waste any of yours today, Daddy? — we have membership cards, so that’s already paid for, and we haven’t asked you for anything so far,” and he said “Please, first split a hotdog, and also a juice or iced tea or something good but with two cups, and if you finish those you can have more,” and they got a hotdog, he cut it in half with the penknife he keeps on his key ring, they didn’t want anything to drink if they couldn’t get soda, “That’s all right,” he said, “you get too much sweet stuff as it is — I’m not blaming you but I’ve been too easy with you on that,” Margo took a bite, grimaced, put her hotdog down, Julie put hers down right after without taking a bite, Margo had that guilty look, Julie’s a bit bewildered, he said “What’s wrong? — no, I bet if I asked Julie she wouldn’t know, for she’s just following you,” “I am not,” Julie said, he said “I won’t test you, sweetie, I’m not here to even old scores,” “What’s that mean? — something nasty I bet,” “It means nothing, it means I’m saying the wrong things — what’s the matter, Margo, suddenly stuffed?” and she said “I’m sorry but it tastes awful, full of ugly fat-juices,” he said “That’s the water it’s cooked in probably, so a tiny bit greasy, so what?” and she said “I don’t like grease, I’m not eating it,” and Julie said “That’s what’s wrong with mine too and I’m not saying it because Margo did — it looks greasy,” and he said “But we paid two bucks plus tax for it — why do you two always ask for things — not ‘always’ but often enough for things if you know you’re not going to eat them? — just think if I had let you have two,” “You’d be crazy with anger now,” Margo said and he said “A little angry, sure, maybe, for the waste,” “Well, the second one might have been a good one and we’d split it, for this one isn’t — taste it yourself,” and he said “I don’t like hotdogs, at least this kind, full of pork and junk,” and she said “Then you shouldn’t have let us get it if it’s that,” and he said “You wanted it, I didn’t think half of one would be bad for you, you have them so infrequently,” and she said “I wouldn’t have wanted it either if I’d known what was inside, but it also just doesn’t taste good, Daddy, it tastes spoiled and I’ve lost my whole appetite,” and Julie said “I did too,” and he said “Oh boy, you two are a real pair,” and bit into Julie’s half — it looked more palatable, cleanly cut, not chewed, for he has no compunction about eating food his kids had their mouths on, in fact they’re the only ones he’d do that with, he doesn’t even do it with his wife except maybe if she wants to give him a spoonful of her soup because she thinks he has to taste it it’s so good, he doesn’t know why, maybe some thing that goes way back to when older people talked to him about diseases and germs and he thinks at least he and the kids have the same kind — and chewed and swallowed and said “It’s fine, not poisonous, an overcooked pork hotdog like all the rest but less spicy than the ballpark kind, but if I was going to have it with anything, then mustard, not ketchup, which you kids slopped on — here, eat it,” and held it out to Margo, she pushed his hand away and said “I told you, I’m no longer hungry,” “Come on,” he said, “eat, eat, my child, have some, but at least you tried it — but you too, Julie, you haven’t touched it and this half was yours,” and put it up to her mouth, she shut her eyes, mouth was open and he pushed the hotdog against her teeth, some of the ketchup got on, tears were coming, the chest starting its heaving, he took his hand away and said, didn’t want to but did, wanted to placate them in some way but didn’t, “What a goddamn waste my family is, a waste, from top to bottom, the worst, I wish I was through with you all,” and looked away, knew he was hurting Julie more than Margo because Margo stood right up to him while Julie cringed and probably now felt humiliated, that ketchup taste in her mouth, that in front of everyone he’d jammed that ugly hotdog against her clenched teeth, tears were probably dribbling down her cheeks or about to explode out of her eyes, probably a what-did-I-do-for-you-to-hurt-me-like-this? look, so he didn’t look at her, either of them, didn’t want to see Margo looking reproachfully at him for what he did to Julie, closed his eyes, opened them on the balcony-mezzanine above them and the railing around, people up there, for the time being happy families, boy on his mother’s shoulders, father on one knee pointing something out to his daughter on the huge model whale hanging from the ceiling, his fingers, always back to his fingers, nails needed clipping and cleaning — that white stuff — wished he had one of his nail clippers he was always buying and losing or Margo and his wife were always borrowing and not returning, he’d maybe not clip — made too ugly a noise, that sharp ping and you could almost see from the sound the clipped nail piece flying off — but he’d clean his nails under the table, does that now, nails of one hand doing the nails of the other, after about a minute Margo said “Julie, let’s go to the gift shop again — that okay, for a few minutes, Daddy?” he nodded without looking at her and said “No longer,” and later, finishing his coffee — not bad for a big public cafeteria like this, richer roast or something like chicory in it — looked at his watch and thought Where the hell are they? — it’s four, show begins at four and doors opened ten minutes befo