Obviously they had all seen what he’d done. Thankfully, neither Jenn nor Gastropé had seen him. He was pretty sure they’d have figured out what was going on, especially if they’d seen him in his demon shaped fire manifestation. They’d apparently passed out after launching their combined lightning bolt. When they asked him what happened, he’d just told them that their blow had stunned the wizard long enough for him to get through with fire. That the wizard had tried to defend himself magically and messed something up, and the entire ship had exploded.
It seemed that they didn’t bother to inquire of others on this, and in fact seemed quite willing to believe that a wizard under attack could mess up a spell and blow himself up. Edwyrd had just made that up, but they seemed to accept it with no problem. Apparently, he was getting good at lying these days. Except that he was going to clear up one misunderstanding, now. He was going to have a talk with Rupert.
Thankfully, Gastropé had suggested that maybe it would be better if he didn’t try to crowd in the small cabin also, what with Rupert being in pretty bad shape. Maelen had mentioned a spare bunk in his room and offered it to Gastropé. Edwyrd thus had the evening to straighten things out with Rupert. He wasn’t completely sure just how he would do it, yet, but he was sure he had to.
He opened the door to their room to find Rupert perched on the bunk, gazing out the open window onto the moonlit sea. As Edwyrd entered, Rupert turned around to see him. It was dark in the room, but thanks to the moonlight, Edwyrd could see the smile of pleasure on Rupert’s face as he shut the door absently behind him. This was not going to be easy.
“Rupert, we need to talk.”
“I know,” Rupert said with a smile, “and I’m sorry about the thing with the hair. I just couldn’t help myself.” Rupert gestured to the bunk beside him. Edwyrd sat down, reclining against the windowsill so he wouldn’t bump his head. As he sat down next to the boy, Rupert said, “Will you hold me? Father?” Edwyrd could hear the nervous trepidation in the boy’s voice, fearing rejection.
The kid certainly knew how to make it rough on a person. Not wanting to get off on the wrong foot, in an already touchy conversation, he put his arm around Rupert’s shoulder. Rupert leaned into Edwyrd, resting his head on Edwyrd’s chest. Edwyrd sighed, no, this was not going to be easy.
“Do you know how long it’s been since someone held me?”
“Uh, no...”
“Well, actually I guess it was you a few days ago.” Rupert said more sprightly, “until then however, it had been a long time.” Rupert got quieter, and much more melancholy, “After I started changing, Mom no longer wanted to touch me.” Rupert sniffed. “Then she died, and I was alone.” Edwyrd groaned mentally, he’d better stop this soon, or he’d never be able to tell the kid the truth. He just didn’t quite have the heart to interrupt. “I was afraid. So afraid I’d always be alone. That and be different. It was so hard. I mean the villagers were mean, made me feel like a monster, and then I had no one to turn to. All I could do was try and carry on. Try to find you.
“At times I thought it was a stupid, foolish thing. But I didn’t know what else to do. Then when you showed up, it was like the entire world turned upside down. You’d come for me, like I knew you would. How many other fourth order demons could there be that fit your description and would just show up when I needed them.” Rupert snuggle closer, his eyes closed. “When you carried me on the road, for the first time in my life, I felt safe.
“All my life, I’d lived in fear. My mother had let me know early on that I was demon-get, and that I could never tell anyone. Of course, I heard all the horror stories about demons and demon offspring. I didn’t know what to think. My mother, she wasn’t much help. She refused talk about you. She tried to be there, but even so, she sometimes seemed afraid of what I might become.” Rupert sniffed. “She couldn’t always help, but at least she tried, and then they killed her. Stoned her for ‘sins of the flesh.’ I managed to get her free, and we escaped, but she’d been wounded too much.” Edwyrd could feel Rupert shaking, sobbing slightly.
“I don’t know. I don’t know what I’d have done if you hadn’t come. I don’t think I could have held out much longer. I might have jumped off a tower or something. Of course, now I’m not so sure that would have done any good. It’s so hard to live in a world where you’re different. Where you have to live every moment in fear of discovery, fear that people will find out, and hate you for what you are.” Tom grimaced, he had certainly been finding that one out for himself.
“I was the only person like myself I knew. I’d never really seen a demon before you, just drawings or paintings, and hints from what was happening to me. All I knew were the evil stories they told children and students. It’s frightening to hear those stories and know they’re talking about you, about your own people.”
Tom, by this point, felt like shit. He knew he couldn’t let Rupert go on believing he was the kid’s father, but he’d have to be asshole of the century to say anything at the moment. Part of the problem was that Tom did understand. He’d had some similar thoughts very recently when he’d first gotten stuck in the demon business. He guessed he also knew a little bit about Rupert’s loneliness.
While his stepfather had been around until recently, they’d never been super close. He’d always been busy with work, or as his mother later said, late night assignments with his secretary. Even before the divorce, his mother had also gone back to work. Trying to get her mind off what she feared was happening in her second marriage. Tom had spent years missing his real father after the explosion at the lab. A leak in a very large hydrogen tank and an electrical spark was all it took to take his father from him.
Rupert continued, “But then you came. Finally, someone I could lean on. Someone who knew, who understood. Who I could trust.” The pit of Tom’s stomach rolled, here the kid trusted him and Tom was effectively lying to him by not saying anything. “Someone who wanted me. Someone to hold me occasionally.”
Tom gave Rupert a hug. The kid certainly knew how to guilt trip a guy, even if unintentionally. How could Tom say anything after this? Not tonight, maybe in a day or two, but not tonight. He gave Rupert a tighter squeeze, bringing his other arm around to pat Rupert’s head. What was he going to do? As much as he hated it, he wasn’t the kid’s father, couldn’t be, but how could he tell this to someone so dependent on him?
“I just need someone to be there for me now and then. Someone with whom I can be myself, who’ll accept me for who I am. Someone to teach me, someone to talk to, who understands me and what I’m going through. Someone to be there.”
That was another big part of the problem. Tom had never had anyone who depended on him. It actually felt kind of good. He’d never had someone who really looked up to him, someone to protect. Someone to care for. Who knew, maybe Tom was somehow wanting to be there for Rupert as a mirror for his own desires for more attention when he had been a child.
Good grief! Here he was getting all these weird paternalistic feelings all of the sudden. He’d never even thought about having kids. Only as one of those distant certainties in the future. Of course, he supposed that if he did have a kid, he’d want one just like Rupert. Strong, smart, independent, but who occasionally needed a hug. Needed support now and then.
Another log to the bonfire of my emotional instability, Tom thought. He really didn’t know how to feel about this Rupert thing. He did care about Rupert, a lot. Rupert was in some ways the little brother he’d never had, or the son he might actually like to have some day. As a friend though, he owed Rupert the truth, even though it would surely hurt him. Tom felt sick about even deceiving Rupert by not saying anything. Yet the thought of crushing Rupert’s dreams with the truth made him just as sick, or more so. What could he do? He leaned his chin down against the top of Rupert’s head.