When added to his other uncertainties, about his humanity, about being a demon, when added to his still lingering anxiety about the death of his real body, and the pain it must have caused his mom, this whole Rupert situation only served to mess up Tom’s emotions like a meat grinder. Tom realized suddenly, that maybe what really sucked about this whole Astlan thing, was not being a demon, it was not being enslaved, it was not just being hated by every rational creature; no, what really sucked was the confusion and uncertainty it brought to his life.
It was confusion and uncertainty about who he was, what he was doing and what was the right thing to do. He no longer knew his place in the world; he didn’t know where he stood. If only he were Rupert’s father, or at least older, maybe old enough to be Rupert’s father. He was pretty sure if he was an adult, he wouldn’t have this confusion, this uncertainty. He was sure he’d know what the right thing to do was. He’d be the sort of person Rupert really could look up to.
Tom shook his hand slightly as he cut it on the tip of one of Rupert’s horns. From the texture of his skin, and the sudden lack of hair, Tom could tell that Rupert had relaxed back to his demon form. Luckily, Tom had raised his head or he’d have been stabbed in the chin by a horn. He could also tell because Rupert was a lot bigger now, and weighed more. Actually, Rupert was probably now bigger than Edwyrd. If Edwyrd were to change back into Tom, then proportions would return to normal, but there certainly wasn’t room for that. As it was, Rupert’s wings were brushing against the overhead bunk.
He supposed that it must look a little strange for pasty little human to be holding and comforting a demon bigger than himself. Tom didn’t really care though. As he’d been wishing others would understand, it wasn’t the outside that mattered, but what was inside. What was inside was a confused and frightened little boy going through rough times. Someone who needed, and thought they’d found, their father.
Well, maybe for a while, Tom thought. For a while, he’d let Rupert have his father, or the next best thing. He didn’t like the deception, and knew there would eventually be consequences for it, but for the moment, it seemed like the only option humanly possible. He stared off into the dark, gently stroking his “son’s” head.
Chapter 58
Since Tom no longer slept, except when severely drained, he needed to find some other way to occupy his nights. Lately, he’d been trying meditation. One of the worst things about not sleeping was that one never had the chance to just escape from having to think about things. A person who didn’t sleep couldn’t escape to oblivion for a short while. In order to simulate this, and to preserve appearances with the humans around him, Tom had decided to try and meditate.
He’d learned the basic techniques in his Tae-Kwon-Do classes, he’d also used it several times already in Astlan to allow him to open the gates and to do the fire thing. Last night he’d blanked his mind completely while Rupert and Gastropé had slept. He’d just picture a completely blank state, and slowly try to relax all the muscles in his body. The problem, of course, was that unlike in his demon body where it worked fine, if he relaxed too much as Edwyrd, he’d find himself putting holes in the ship’s walls. Eventually, with some practice he managed if not a completely satisfactory meditative state, at least one that allowed him to blank his mind a bit.
He’d been doing this for some time, his hand resting on Rupert’s head, listening to the ship and the sea, just being lulled by the gentle motion of a ship at sea. As far as he could tell, it must have been some time in the early morning hours when he heard the voice out the open window behind his head.
“There you are!” Edwyrd nearly jumped, only the rather heavy sleeping Rupert kept him from springing up. The voice had come from the window directly behind his head. Where no voice should have been able to come from, it was a twenty foot drop to the sea below the window. Edwyrd twisted his head around to try and peer out the window.
Blocking his view of the sea outside was a large shadowy object. It was hard to make out anything in the darkness; the moon had set some time ago. All he could really see were two glowing embers set about an inch or two apart. He also heard what sounded to be a droning, or soft buzzing noise. “Knew I’d find you eventually,” the glowing embers said.
“Tizzy!” Edwyrd said aloud. “You startled me.”
“Yeah, I’ll bet. Mind if I squeeze in?” The demon placed two of its hands on the windowsills. The window was wide open, but there was only about a foot and a half by a foot and a half of area to squeeze through. Edwyrd wasn’t sure how the demon was going to do it. Nonetheless, he gently shook Rupert to wake him, so they could move out of the way.
“Huh? What...” Rupert said groggily.
“Shhh... It’s all right. Tizzy’s just trying to crawl in through the window, so we need to make some room.” Edwyrd whispered.
“Huh,” Rupert looked out the window. “Oh, hi Tizzy.” Rupert seemed to wake up more, glad to see Tizzy. He backed out of the bunk and stood a little uncertainly on his hooves in the small walk space in front of the door. Edwyrd backed out the other direction, to the forward bulkhead. As he did so, the droning noise ceased and suddenly Tizzy was squirming through the window.
The wood of the frame groaned alarmingly, and Edwyrd was afraid Tizzy would break the window. Apparently, the multi-limbed demon was more supple and agile than he appeared, however, for he shortly had wormed his way in without breaking the window. Tizzy certainly seemed bigger now than he had before, Edwyrd thought. The demon took up the entire bunk, easily. Edwyrd suspected that the demon was actually the same size he’d always been, Edwyrd was just a lot smaller now. It was really rather interesting to view Tizzy and Rupert from his perspective as Edwyrd. Both were much more frightening looking than he’d ever realized before. The dark really didn’t seem to help a lot.
“Whew, tight one that.” Tizzy commented, shaking random limbs as he adjusted himself on the bunk. He looked up at Rupert. “Glad to see you’re feeling better. Look a lot healthier now.” He turned his head to Tom, “you though. You don’t looks so hot. Kind of pale and underfed. You been getting enough fresh air?” Tizzy queried. Edwyrd just shook his head at the demon.
Tizzy sniffed around a bit. “Hmmm, still got your pet wizards around?”
Edwyrd shook his head again, “they’re not my pets, but yes they’re in other cabins.” Tizzy started licking his lips. “Anyone to eat on board?”
“No. You are not going to eat anyone on this ship.” Edwyrd said firmly.
“You know. The problem with you youngsters, you just ain’t got no appreciation for fine cuisine. Nothing like a bit of fresh sea-human to liven up the old palette.”
Trying to change the subject, Edwyrd asked, “didn’t you get enough to eat with your accursed master? I assume that is where you took off to.”
“Why sure enough. Most fun. Took him a good day to croak. Raped him 69 times I did.” Tizzy’s voice was getting louder with excitement. Edwyrd made a quieting gesture with his hands. For once Tizzy took the hint. “Why don’t you wanna wake anyone up?” He asked more quietly.
“I’d prefer not having everyone go jump ship when they found out a demon was on board. Someone has got to drive this thing to shore.”
Tizzy blinked. “Think they’d do that for one demon on board? What would they do if they knew there were three?” Tizzy giggled, so did Rupert.