“Jason, you have got to stop thinking only of yourself. Everything you’ve said so far tells me that you are an exceptionally smart boy who knows right from wrong and every one of the Ten Commandments. I bet your mother even taught you the Golden Rule. I would go one further: She not only taught it to you, she made you live like you believed in it.”
Jason’s mouth widened in surprise. He couldn’t think of anything to say. Lydia was in full gallop, and there was nothing a twelve-year-old boy could do to rein her in until she was good and ready to stop.
“Now I’m sure you would like to believe that just because Michael has taken a liking to you and was willing to let you go out with him on this mission he cooked up, that following him out there is something you had to do.”
Lydia bowed her head and closed her eyes for a second, her hands still firmly clasping Jason’s. “Michael is a good man. I truly believe that. But he is no more perfect or wise than any other person living inside these thin metal walls. We are all here by the grace of God and for no other reason that I can see. Nothing Michael did or could have done by himself would have been enough to allow us to find this place.
“Look, what I am trying to say is that while it is never a bad idea to make a new friend, you should never let that friend’s ideas or viewpoint overshadow your own or those of other people already in your life. People who care a great deal for you and want only what’s best for you.”
This was beginning to sound like the sermon Jason had been dreading when Lydia first walked in. It had taken her a while, but she had finally gotten around to it. The old lady was chastising him for acting the way he had with George, Jeff, and Megan. She was one sneaky old wom-
The sound of the slap echoed off the walls, and its force nearly knocked Jason over. He raised his hand to his face and moved back from the woman who had been, up until now, a gentle and caring old soul with a grip like iron.
Lydia had seen the look on Jason’s face. Before, Jason had been listening carefully, but once she had started in on the three adults in his life and how it was important for him to respect them, he had that glower of resentment she’d seen when she first came into the RV. She figured a little attention grabber was in order.
“Now you listen and listen good! There are three people out there who love you and who busted their asses to get you here safely. They have sacrificed and done everything they could to keep you out of harm’s way. Just because you’ve joined up with the rest of us doesn’t mean they’ve tossed away their responsibility for you. Don’t you think that for even one second!”
“I helped them too!” Jason retorted. “I took care of myself! They didn’t do it all… ” Those words and more tumbled out, shouted and layered on top of each other. He screamed them and screamed some others. Before long, Jason was gasping for air. Lydia nodded at every enraged comment he made. That only served to increase his rage and kept him going for a couple more minutes. When he felt he had exhausted his supply of venom, he lapsed into a sullen silence. Lydia waited until Jason’s breathing was back to normal before she spoke.
“Did it feel good to get that off your chest?”
Jason’s eyes snapped up to look at Lydia. There was fire in them. “Did it feel good hitting me?”
Lydia’s expression changed. It was tinged with regret.
“No, not at all.”
They sat looking at one another for a while.
“Jason, I didn’t slap you to punish you. I slapped you to wake you up,” Lydia said after the silence had stretched on long enough.
Jason was tired of feeling confused by Lydia’s words, but it was happening all over again. His look betrayed his thoughts.
“You were tuning me out. You didn’t want to hear what I had to say… and you really needed to hear it.”
“But I already know all that stuff.” Jason sounded weary and frustrated. “Look, I don’t need to hear again about how much George has sacrificed for me. I don’t need Megan trying to protect me. And I don’t need Jeff… ” He looked confused. “I don’t need him trying to stick up for me in front of Michael. I don’t need their help, and I don’t need them. Not anymore.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.”
Jason shook his head and slouched down. He looked like he was going to clam up completely now. He was done arguing and just wanted the crazy old woman to leave him alone. Lydia felt frustrated and wondered if this was getting them anywhere. Spoon-feeding the boy guilt had not been her plan. It was clear he already had plenty of guilt buried deep down. Jason was a smart kid, and soon enough he would sort things out, but he had to do it at his own pace. Until then, he was going to be angry-with himself and with everyone else.
She sighed and smiled at Jason, patting his hand one last time as she stood.
“Okay.” She turned, strolling to the door. “I won’t browbeat you any more, Jason. I apologize for the slap; it was uncalled for.”
She stood waiting by the door until Jason finally looked up at her. The brooding anger was still there, but it was dissipating. In a while, it would be completely gone, and he might have a clear enough head to understand things better. She glanced out the window and saw Megan in the courtyard, looking sad and lost. But as she looked at her, Lydia’s mind was on another one of the newcomers. It was hard to believe that George had sacrificed finding his family to ensure Jason’s safety, but that was exactly what he done by agreeing to stay at the camp for good.
Oh Jason. You poor child. Once you realize what George has done for you, it might just tear you apart. Maybe you are better off staying angry instead.
“Stay in here as long as you want. You’re still welcome to live with me and the children in our camper.” She paused. “But I’ll understand if you decide to remain here instead. That’s entirely up to you.”
Lydia turned and left.
Jason had been trying to think of something to say, a snide comment he could throw at her as she left, but thought better of it. That was something a child would do.
Instead, he threw himself down on the bed and smothered his face in a pillow. His screams were muffled as he slammed his fists down over and over again into the mattress. It wasn’t fair. It seemed like everyone was out to get him. Jason wondered if even Michael was sincere, or if he was just like everyone else.
He continued to scream until he felt his throat growing raw, and only then did he stop. His arms ached, and his head was pounding. He pulled the pillow over his head. He did not want to see or hear anything; he wanted to be left alone in the dark.
Why did you make me do it, Jason? Why did you make me give up my family to protect you? Why?
He pictured George standing over the bed, staring down at him, making him feel guilty. George would never say that. He would never try to make me feel bad like that. He’s too… he’s too nice.
But there George was, his imaginary form unwavering, demanding an answer.
“I didn’t make you do it! You did it yourself! Why are you blaming me? Why did you do something so stupid, George? Why? Why did you do that?”
Jason lifted the pillow and threw it at the wall. His eyes were open now, and he realized that he had yelled these last words out loud. He looked around the interior of the RV, but there was no one else there. But the words the imaginary George said, the questions he had asked, still hung in the air.
“Why did you do it, George? Why? Why couldn’t you just butt out? It’s your own stupid fault for telling Michael you would stay. I couldn’t have known you were going to do that! If I did, I-”