“If you want me to say I feel guilty for what happened, okay. I do. But you need to understand that I knew what Michael had planned on doing long before you showed up.” Lydia gripped his hands tighter as Jeff’s eyes widened in surprise and he tried to pull away. “Jeff, what he did was necessary. It was the only way we could get you to stop.”
There was no pleading or embarrassment in her eyes, just conviction. Lydia might have regretted Michael’s methods, but she was happy with the end results.
She tugged on his hands again. Jeff realized he had been staring at them. He blinked and looked back at Lydia.
“I just hope that someday you’ll understand that Michael is just trying to do his best… for all of us.”
There was still no pleading in Lydia’s voice. A stab of irritation rose back up in Jeff.
“Well, it’s not as if Michael gave us much of a choice, now did he? It’s not like he waved us down and asked us what we thought about joining your little club,” Jeff fumed. “I’m sorry, but your perfect leader ain’t so perfect in my estimation.”
Lydia gave him a frown. “Now, Jeff, did I ever say I believed Michael was perfect?” She shook her head. “He isn’t perfect. Far from it, in fact. But neither are you or anyone else. So let’s not start picking nits, okay? I already told you: Megan shared everything. I’m pretty sure you don’t feel like what you’ve done over the past few days has been perfect.”
Jeff’s face turned beet red with embarrassment and indignation. His head swam as he tried to recall everything that had happened, every crazy thing he had done since fleeing his house. He had done the best he could. Maybe Megan thought him foolish for that, but they were still alive…
“Hey.” Lydia’s voice was soft once again, grandmotherly. “You did what you had to, Jeff, to survive. Don’t think for a second that Megan doesn’t appreciate that.”
Jeff shook his head. Most of the time, Megan seemed angry or frustrated with his decision making, not appreciative.
“She is so proud of you. More than she would ever admit.” Lydia smiled conspiratorially. “More than she would even admit to me, but it was obvious as we spoke.”
Jeff continued to shake his head, his eyes filled with disbelief. “Megan thinks I’m nuts. That everything I’ve done is crazy.” He glared fiercely at Lydia. “And she’s so damn stubborn, she drives me nuts.”
Lydia laughed. It was a pleasant sound, and the tension in the room eased a bit. “It’s so obvious, Jeff. You’re both pigheaded! Everything one of you does is going to drive the other one crazy. Just accept it and move on.”
Lydia gave Jeff a knowing look. “Let’s just agree that you aren’t perfect and no one else is either. But if Michael has done anything really terrible, then I’d like to hear about it.”
Jeff thought about it for a moment and then shrugged. “Okay. I’ll admit he’s been hospitable for the most part. But you should have seen him jump on Frank when he threatened Megan.”
Lydia sighed and shook her head in frustration. “That man is a pain in the ass.”
Jeff snorted and nodded in agreement.
“Frank and Marcus aren’t the sharpest tacks in the box, but they are loyal as hell to Michael. I just wish they would stop trying to pretend they’re generals in his army.”
Lydia shifted in her chair as she continued. “I know Michael gets frustrated with how they act, but we need them.” She smiled slightly. “And now we have you and George here as well.”
“Yep, and those two are probably feeling threatened by our arrival.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about that. They have loud mouths, but they follow Michael’s orders. They won’t try anything stupid, no matter how much they bray like jackasses.”
“So what about Ben?”
Lydia’s eyes lit up. “Ben is such a sweetheart. He is so good with the children. I tell you, I wouldn’t know what to do without him. He does whatever I ask without a word of complaint.”
“Well, that’s all well and good, but why doesn’t Michael put him in charge of things and demote Frank?”
Lydia shook her head. “Ben doesn’t care about any of that. He just does what needs doing and minds his own business. Frank, on the other hand…well, I guess it trips his trigger to boss people around.” She rolled her eyes, and a smirk crossed her face. “He tried telling me how to manage the food situation and what to do with the children about a week ago. I gave the little smartass a piece of my mind that day, I’ll tell you. He never saw it coming.”
The grim satisfaction on her face faded, and Lydia looked serious once again. “Pickings are slim these days, Jeff. There were more of us not so long ago.” Lydia had a faraway look in her eyes for a moment, as if she was remembering the people they had lost. Her back stiffened, and her face became stern. “We have to make do with those still with us.”
She looked Jeff in the eyes. “But as I said, you and George are here now.” She paused, correcting herself. “Megan too, of course. She’ll be a great help around the camp. Some other people, who shall remain nameless, are not much of a help at all.”
Jeff could guess who Lydia was talking about as she pursed her lips and looked irritated. Cindy didn’t seem interested in doing much except hanging all over Michael. Jeff blotted the punker girl out of his mind as he tried to focus on the rest of what Lydia had said.
“Well, you should know that George wants to leave, if Michael will let him go.”
“Megan told me about his family. It’s so sad. But I guess it can’t be helped.” Jeff could hear the regret in Lydia’s voice.
“So… is there any chance Michael might let him leave?” Jeff already knew the camp leader’s position on the subject but was hoping to learn more about how he operated and perhaps find a way to convince him to let George go.
Lydia paused as she thought about it.
“Do you honestly believe his family is still alive?”
“I’ll tell you what I told Michael yesterday. It really doesn’t matter what I think. The man has the right to try to get to his family, and none of us should stand in his way. Do I want George to stay with us? Hell yes! But I know he’s sitting in that RV right now staring at the walls, thinking about his family. He’ll go crazy if he’s forced to stay here much longer. So again, I ask you: Will Michael let him leave?”
The tears Jeff saw in Lydia’s eyes as she shook her head were disconcerting.
“It’s such a shame, Jeff. I feel so horrible for him. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t have the heart to make him stay.” Lydia dug into her pocket for a tissue and dabbed her eyes. “But Michael is more of a realist than I am. You have to understand, if we let people go off on suicide missions to try to save someone they think might still be alive, there wouldn’t be anyone left inside of a week.”
Jeff felt the urge to agree with Lydia. George had not come to grips with the fact that his family was dead. But as he sat there trying to imagine himself in the other man’s shoes, he knew how hard it would be not knowing for certain what had happened to the people he loved.
He couldn’t think of a response, so the two of them sat quietly, lost in their own thoughts. When the silence began to get awkward, Jeff decided it would be best to change the subject.
“So, I guess we’ll be heading out for supplies later.”
Lydia’s face fell.
“Please be careful. I really don’t know why Michael wants you to go out today.”
“Why’s that? Don’t the guys go out pretty regularly? I mean, that’s how they found us, right?”
Lydia shook her head. “They found you because they heard your minivan coming down the road long before you got here. Ben was out there-he’s our scavenger, and he was the one who let Michael know someone was coming over the walkie-talkies. Michael rounded up all the men, and they left.” She laughed at the memory. “I’ll tell you, it was certainly a surprise for us. We haven’t heard anything except a few dogs barking, birds chirping and… well, you know… that moaning noise they make, in ages.”